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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Countdown on my birthday: Will they remember . . .

425 replies

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:46

Lighthearted, as I believe there will be an avalanche of well wishing the minute the first one remembers and texts the rest of this sorry bunch.

Now, I'll just say I am not one for big, expensive gifts nor grand parties. A simple brunch out at our neighborhood restaurant and maybe a small gift and card is beyond lovely in my book.

However, outside my 5yr old DNephew who isn't allowed phone time and can't read, the rest of this lot is currently on probation until I hear otherwise:

Listed in order of who should be figuring this out first:

Naughty List
DH (nuff said)
DF (he's 80, but in sound mind, lives with us, and he was there on the first one...)
DD 1(21) (away at her university, but c'mon!)
DD 2 (16) (old enough to know better)
DSis 1 (next to DF, has known me the longest, plus we're super close)
DSis 3 (youngest, but should be reliable)
Friends 1, 2 (known since we were 14)
Friends 3, 4 (very close)
DN 1 (17) (smart kid, pretty reliable)
DBIL 1 (50) (known the man for ever)
DN2 & DN3 (13 and 8) (probably remember but waiting for the family to tell them to call me)
DBIL 3 (newer, so more off the hook)
DSis 2 (high stress job, could be pulled into emergency work)
DBIL 2 (small kids, DW w/ high stress job)
DMIL (75) (has form for forgetting, but also has chronic condition, so no expectations)

Nice List
my dentist (sent me a 7:30 a.m. email)
DA (in her reliable fashion, mailed a card that arrived yesterday)

OP posts:
CherieBabySpliffUp · 23/11/2025 19:27

I agree with those saying go out and do something now, you've wasted half the day already waiting for them to remember. If you stay in and wait any longer you'll have nothing of your special day left.

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:27

I'm not actually hurt, it's more like I feel they all need to realize it on their own otherwise, it will happen again and they will count on me to organize everything all the time. Otherwise, they won't try to remember next time, they'll just think, "Oh, mom will tell us."

OP posts:
FelineFeasts · 23/11/2025 19:27

Happy birthday, OP! I’m so sorry your family are being useless. Do you not talk about your birthday in the run up to it? Not blaming you for a moment of course, but I would have wanted to make some plans, especially on a weekend. Or do your family usually take care of that stuff for you?

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:27

CherieBabySpliffUp · 23/11/2025 19:27

I agree with those saying go out and do something now, you've wasted half the day already waiting for them to remember. If you stay in and wait any longer you'll have nothing of your special day left.

I've got you all! Thanks so much, MN!!!

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 23/11/2025 19:27

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:22

Text from DD2 who is literally a room away from me:

Mom I have to get a book for school things fall apart would you like to come with me to get it

I’m hoping against hope that this was a secret ploy to get the OP to a party/fabulous birthday meal out. I’d be absolutely sodding incandescent if my entire family forgot my birthday.

ArabellaSaurus · 23/11/2025 19:27

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:24

I feel like I just can't...it's like a lesson they need to learn, that they can't count on me to remind them of EVERYTHING.

I understand. I just want you to have a nice day! 😭

Is this you sacrificing your possible happy birthday afternoon to teach them a lesson, though?

FastTurtle · 23/11/2025 19:27

CherieBabySpliffUp · 23/11/2025 19:27

I agree with those saying go out and do something now, you've wasted half the day already waiting for them to remember. If you stay in and wait any longer you'll have nothing of your special day left.

I agree, what’s the point in stitching yourself up and having a non birthday?

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:28

FelineFeasts · 23/11/2025 19:27

Happy birthday, OP! I’m so sorry your family are being useless. Do you not talk about your birthday in the run up to it? Not blaming you for a moment of course, but I would have wanted to make some plans, especially on a weekend. Or do your family usually take care of that stuff for you?

We do talk about it, but typically it's that everyone is supposed to be like, "Hey, you're bday is coming. Let's do xyz."

OP posts:
MassiveOvaryaction · 23/11/2025 19:28

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:22

Text from DD2 who is literally a room away from me:

Mom I have to get a book for school things fall apart would you like to come with me to get it

Maybe she's realised and has come up with an excuse to take you out? 🤞🏻

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:28

Cherrysoup · 23/11/2025 19:27

I’m hoping against hope that this was a secret ploy to get the OP to a party/fabulous birthday meal out. I’d be absolutely sodding incandescent if my entire family forgot my birthday.

Well, then I'd better do my hair.

OP posts:
Muggletum · 23/11/2025 19:29

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:22

Text from DD2 who is literally a room away from me:

Mom I have to get a book for school things fall apart would you like to come with me to get it

Do you think maybe there might be a surprise meal or something planned, and this is their way of getting you out for it? Does she often ask you to go with her to buy school stuff?

ArabellaSaurus · 23/11/2025 19:29

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:27

I'm not actually hurt, it's more like I feel they all need to realize it on their own otherwise, it will happen again and they will count on me to organize everything all the time. Otherwise, they won't try to remember next time, they'll just think, "Oh, mom will tell us."

That's fair enough. Maybe for Xmas you can buy them all a birthday calendar. I mean, they'll still need to remember to look at it ...

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:31

So, DF has a calendar above his little table where he sits all the time and it has our bdays with our photos on each one...Dsis 2 does this every year so he doesn't forget bdays, but I still remind him of everyone's bdays cause I don't want a DGD/S to get forgotten by DGF

OP posts:
Namechangerage · 23/11/2025 19:32

Oh OP, take yourself out and do something nice! Don't even tell them. Let them call you and don’t pick up. It’s not ok that they have forgotten and no, it shouldn’t be your job to remind them.

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:32

Muggletum · 23/11/2025 19:29

Do you think maybe there might be a surprise meal or something planned, and this is their way of getting you out for it? Does she often ask you to go with her to buy school stuff?

I'm pretty doubtful. DH was far too casual and he can't keep a secret.

OP posts:
Blizzardofleaves · 23/11/2025 19:33

Pack a bag, book a luxury hotel and turn your phone off. I would not sit there stewing. Ask a friend/friends along, buy yourself flowers and drink champagne. You don’t need anyone to make this special.

ForNoisyCat · 23/11/2025 19:34

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:49

Yes. Bday is today.

I should have added that while not a milestone, it's 55 and where I live, there are jokes you get old people discounts at chain restaurants.

You can leave the kids behind and go on a saga holiday. Happy birthday. I hope they don’t disappoint you 💐

DarkNovemberBringsTheFog · 23/11/2025 19:35

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:22

Text from DD2 who is literally a room away from me:

Mom I have to get a book for school things fall apart would you like to come with me to get it

That’s from a Yeats poem

Things fall apart
The centre cannot hold

Aren’t you that centre?

Ohpleeeease · 23/11/2025 19:36

Time to drop a hint OP. A tiny one.

ParmaVioletTea · 23/11/2025 19:36

Oh @Delphinium20 I feel your chagrin /pain.

Go out NOW! Go to the movies, or have a nice ,lunch somewhere. Just go out.

I got so upset about being overlooked at Christmas or my birthday (I’m childless and single) that I take control every year and do what I want to do. It’s far better than the gutting disappointment of realising you don’t come first with anyone (except yourself).

And happy birthday! You sound Fab!

Minilover79 · 23/11/2025 19:37

Have they really not realised yet?!

ParmaVioletTea · 23/11/2025 19:37

DarkNovemberBringsTheFog · 23/11/2025 19:35

That’s from a Yeats poem

Things fall apart
The centre cannot hold

Aren’t you that centre?

It’s a novel by Nigerian writer, China Achebe

RightOnTheEdge · 23/11/2025 19:38
Happy Birthday Celebration GIF by Poku Meow

Happy birthday @Delphinium20! 🎂 🥳🎉
I'm sorry your family has been so rubbish. You deserve much better FlowersFlowersFlowers

FastTurtle · 23/11/2025 19:40

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:32

I'm pretty doubtful. DH was far too casual and he can't keep a secret.

Stop posting on mumsnet and go out and do something nice for yourself. This is your birthday, you may only 40 left or whatever so why waste any more hours waiting for them to remember or finding the perfect opportunity to tell them they have forgotten.
If you do want to let them know how you feel then send them a picture of you having coffee and cake somewhere telling them you’re enjoying your birthday cake/ dinner/shopping trip etc.
Slip out now and don’t come back for hours. Don’t do anything for anyone today.
Do forget your DH’s birthday, it will go against every bone in your body but he won’t forget another one of yours.
Or change things around and you each arrange your own birthdays (that’s what my DH and I do).

Namechangerage · 23/11/2025 19:41

ForNoisyCat · 23/11/2025 19:34

You can leave the kids behind and go on a saga holiday. Happy birthday. I hope they don’t disappoint you 💐

Leave the “D” H behind too by the sounds of it..

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