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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Countdown on my birthday: Will they remember . . .

425 replies

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:46

Lighthearted, as I believe there will be an avalanche of well wishing the minute the first one remembers and texts the rest of this sorry bunch.

Now, I'll just say I am not one for big, expensive gifts nor grand parties. A simple brunch out at our neighborhood restaurant and maybe a small gift and card is beyond lovely in my book.

However, outside my 5yr old DNephew who isn't allowed phone time and can't read, the rest of this lot is currently on probation until I hear otherwise:

Listed in order of who should be figuring this out first:

Naughty List
DH (nuff said)
DF (he's 80, but in sound mind, lives with us, and he was there on the first one...)
DD 1(21) (away at her university, but c'mon!)
DD 2 (16) (old enough to know better)
DSis 1 (next to DF, has known me the longest, plus we're super close)
DSis 3 (youngest, but should be reliable)
Friends 1, 2 (known since we were 14)
Friends 3, 4 (very close)
DN 1 (17) (smart kid, pretty reliable)
DBIL 1 (50) (known the man for ever)
DN2 & DN3 (13 and 8) (probably remember but waiting for the family to tell them to call me)
DBIL 3 (newer, so more off the hook)
DSis 2 (high stress job, could be pulled into emergency work)
DBIL 2 (small kids, DW w/ high stress job)
DMIL (75) (has form for forgetting, but also has chronic condition, so no expectations)

Nice List
my dentist (sent me a 7:30 a.m. email)
DA (in her reliable fashion, mailed a card that arrived yesterday)

OP posts:
Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 17:47

DN 1 (17) for the win!!!!

Just got a text w/ balloons and a sweet message.

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 23/11/2025 17:48

Id put the card from DA in a prominent place but im really passive aggressive like that

ChristieMcVie · 23/11/2025 17:49

Happy Birthday! At what point will you take yourself off and do something nice for yourself?

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 23/11/2025 17:49
Happy Birthday GIF by Sesame Street

Hope the family remember

RecordBreakers · 23/11/2025 17:49

shuggles · 23/11/2025 17:43

@Delphinium20 Judging by the ages of your relatives, I will suggest that you are far too old to be celebrating your birthday.

What a ridiculous thing to say.

Your birthday is your birthday.
You are never too old,
Indeed, the older we become, the more there is to be celebrated about reaching the next birthday.

tonyhawks23 · 23/11/2025 17:52

Yep I'd go to a luxury hotel and enjoy it,treat yourself if no one else is going to,leave DH to figure it out himself.

Neolara · 23/11/2025 17:52

What are you going to do and say if your immediate family don't realise at some point today or do so late in the day?

Tiggermad · 23/11/2025 17:53

By now my whole family would be evicted ! Come on this isn’t funny at all they are being very neglectful !

Eddielizzard · 23/11/2025 17:54

Happy birthday! Take yourself off for a nice treat somewhere.

mondaytosunday · 23/11/2025 17:54

My birthday comes and goes and I really don’t expect anyone to acknowledge it. My DH and parents have departed this mortal coil and my DD is far away at uni and son preoccupied. My sister might send me an ecard. Actually my MIL, who was notoriously neglectful in terms of these sort of things was pretty good at sending me a card (she died a couple years ago at 91).

Itwasallyellow2 · 23/11/2025 17:54

I would tell everyone that I was taking myself out for lunch and just go - nice walk, lunch, coffee, leisurely visit to a bookshop. Sorted.

I would definitely not be laughing that my closest family had forgotten and I would be telling them that it’s hurtful.

How would they respond to you if you forgot their birthdays?

Bayroot1 · 23/11/2025 17:55

@Delphinium20 so you've put aunty's card up and no one noticed?

HardworkSendHelp · 23/11/2025 17:58

Happy Birthday!!!
how are you not banging about the place and giving one word answers to your husband and 16 year old. I would be fuming. As mothers we are the ones that make sure everyone’s birthdays are special. I would text your niece back with appreciation and say you are so good to message me as you and aunty are the only ones who remembered. Maybe she will text her cousins and her mother and remind them. Then your kids can remind your husband 🤣🤣🤣🙈🙈🙈

AliceMaforethought · 23/11/2025 17:58

I would actually be most pissed off with your father! You are kind enough to have him live with you and this is how he repays you? I'm not letting your husband and kids off the hook, of course, but your father has a real cheek. Do you do all his washing and cooking as well?

HardworkSendHelp · 23/11/2025 17:59

Itwasallyellow2 · 23/11/2025 17:54

I would tell everyone that I was taking myself out for lunch and just go - nice walk, lunch, coffee, leisurely visit to a bookshop. Sorted.

I would definitely not be laughing that my closest family had forgotten and I would be telling them that it’s hurtful.

How would they respond to you if you forgot their birthdays?

This is what I would do and I think I would be so cross I would book into a hotel for a night and not come back

FastTurtle · 23/11/2025 18:00

CombatBarbie · 23/11/2025 17:48

Id put the card from DA in a prominent place but im really passive aggressive like that

Put them in the prominent place (near the fridge) and go out for the day with phone on do not disturb.

Grammarnut · 23/11/2025 18:01

Happy birthday. But apart from DH you can't expect people to take you out for a nice brunch with a bunch of flowers. Really, no.

YesItsMe44 · 23/11/2025 18:04

Happy Birthday. I hope you do something special for yourself. My Birthday does matter and if I want to do something I say so, or at least hint a week or two ahead, i.e., I'd like to go to brunch on the 23rd.

On the other hand it's 2025, everyone has cellphones with calendars and should get it together and put birthday reminders in them. I do hope they remember you before dinner!

I too get a Happy Birthday text from my eye doctor and dentist first thing in the morning! It makes me smile that their system is set up to remember my birthday.😁

Andromed1 · 23/11/2025 18:05

Happy birthday OP.
Tell us more about that dentist of yours. Good looking? Single?

BeaglingAroundTheChristmasTree · 23/11/2025 18:07

Grammarnut · 23/11/2025 18:01

Happy birthday. But apart from DH you can't expect people to take you out for a nice brunch with a bunch of flowers. Really, no.

Why on earth not?

Allthebeernoidea · 23/11/2025 18:11

Unless you take action and show your family you are actually upset about this nothing will change. You’ll slide down the list of priorities until you are right at the bottom. If I were you I would stop waiting for people to realise so that you could then give a little laugh and tell them it doesn’t matter because actually it does matter. I would send a group chat to everyone right now. Let them know how upset you are and leave the house for an afternoon shopping. If you don’t shake them up tha situation won’t just stay the same. It will get progressively worse year on year as you make yourself a smaller person in your family. Take action

Umy15r03lcha1 · 23/11/2025 18:16

Get dressed up and as you leave the house tell your not-so-dh you're going out for a birthday dinner then close the door before he can react 😊

madaboutpurple · 23/11/2025 18:17

Happy Birthday OP. You could just say Have you planned on taking me out ? to your family. There is no excuse for forgetting. Poor show from them.

wizzler · 23/11/2025 18:18

Happy Birthday OP

Bundleflower · 23/11/2025 18:20

Is your Auntie near enough to go out for some nice dinner?
I’m sorry OP. People can be shit. Happy birthday x