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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Countdown on my birthday: Will they remember . . .

425 replies

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:46

Lighthearted, as I believe there will be an avalanche of well wishing the minute the first one remembers and texts the rest of this sorry bunch.

Now, I'll just say I am not one for big, expensive gifts nor grand parties. A simple brunch out at our neighborhood restaurant and maybe a small gift and card is beyond lovely in my book.

However, outside my 5yr old DNephew who isn't allowed phone time and can't read, the rest of this lot is currently on probation until I hear otherwise:

Listed in order of who should be figuring this out first:

Naughty List
DH (nuff said)
DF (he's 80, but in sound mind, lives with us, and he was there on the first one...)
DD 1(21) (away at her university, but c'mon!)
DD 2 (16) (old enough to know better)
DSis 1 (next to DF, has known me the longest, plus we're super close)
DSis 3 (youngest, but should be reliable)
Friends 1, 2 (known since we were 14)
Friends 3, 4 (very close)
DN 1 (17) (smart kid, pretty reliable)
DBIL 1 (50) (known the man for ever)
DN2 & DN3 (13 and 8) (probably remember but waiting for the family to tell them to call me)
DBIL 3 (newer, so more off the hook)
DSis 2 (high stress job, could be pulled into emergency work)
DBIL 2 (small kids, DW w/ high stress job)
DMIL (75) (has form for forgetting, but also has chronic condition, so no expectations)

Nice List
my dentist (sent me a 7:30 a.m. email)
DA (in her reliable fashion, mailed a card that arrived yesterday)

OP posts:
InterestedDad37 · 23/11/2025 18:51

Happy birthday 🎈🎊🎉

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 18:51

Neolara · 23/11/2025 17:52

What are you going to do and say if your immediate family don't realise at some point today or do so late in the day?

Thinking that through. I think DD1 will feel the most guilt. DH will be all flustered and DD2 might get a talking to like, "Hey, I get you're a teen but you need to remember that it was 36 hours of labor to bring you life"

I do think it's interesting that DN (17) has remembered but has not alerted her parents. She's playing the long game, like me. LOL

OP posts:
Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 18:52

FastTurtle · 23/11/2025 17:22

Happy birthday
Ditch your DH and run off with the dentist..

This one still gives me a chuckle cause my dentist is quite the hottie.

OP posts:
Runnersandtoms · 23/11/2025 18:54

RecordBreakers · 23/11/2025 17:25

It's sad this is the stage your life has come to, but I do agree with pp who said if you like celebrating your birthday, then own it.
Mention it the week or the month before. Say what you want to do. Ask who is coming with you. Don't let people forget, then seethe or even just mope about it without saying anything.

Exactly this. I am the one who remembers and organises everyone's birthdays. But in the run up to my birthday I drop large hints and outright tell then I will expecting cards and presents. If I want to do something for my birthday I will plan it myself and tell them about it. No point acting like it's a secret you can't mention and being miserable when nobody remembers.

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 18:55

Neolara · 23/11/2025 17:52

What are you going to do and say if your immediate family don't realise at some point today or do so late in the day?

For my immediate family, if it comes to it, I will say at bedtime, "Hey, did you forget something today?"

For DD1, I'll give her a call tomorrow and remind her. She's the one who will feel the worst.

OP posts:
PhoenixReincarnated · 23/11/2025 18:58

Happy Birthday @Delphinium20 🎂💐🎁🎉

InterestedDad37 · 23/11/2025 18:59

I have everyone's birthday I need to remember in Google calendars, with reminders set in time to send a card (to some) or send a msg (to others).
I used to remind my ex of all her friend's birthdays. Not sure if she remembers them herself now or what.
But forgetting/neglecting your nearest and dearest's birthdays is just sheer laziness and lack of respect.
It's really easy to do.
Happy birthday OP, I'd be annoyed but philosophical in your shoes, and I'd absolutely make a point of it.

newbluesofa · 23/11/2025 18:59

I am so invested in this thread 😅

RessicaJabbit · 23/11/2025 19:00

How anybody forgets birthdays in this day and age is ridiculous. They all have mobile phones, they can literally put in the birthday once and it repeats every year FOREVER.

How can they forget their wife's l/ mother's birthday? It's shockingly poor form.

I'd say nothing at all, and forget theirs, especially DHs and say "oh well, after you missed mine, I thought we weren't doing that any more..."

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:01

Dsis3 is in second place! She's asked to come over tomorrow for a walk and gift delivery as she has a work deadline for Monday.

OP posts:
RessicaJabbit · 23/11/2025 19:01

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:01

Dsis3 is in second place! She's asked to come over tomorrow for a walk and gift delivery as she has a work deadline for Monday.

She forgot

PullTheBricksDown · 23/11/2025 19:04

DH will be all flustered

Please say this won't be another of those threads where the husband messes up and then becomes so 'upset' by that that the poster can't mention it again because he'll be really hurt by any reminder of his own mistake 🙄

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:04

TBF, Dsis3 came over last week with fresh cake and offered to help clean up a mess from a squirrel that got in. She's amazing. I'm 12 years older and feel half mom. In her 20s she was quite the pill and very selfish. No longer that way at all, in fact, I'm pretty impressed w/ how she's turned out :)

OP posts:
Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:05

PullTheBricksDown · 23/11/2025 19:04

DH will be all flustered

Please say this won't be another of those threads where the husband messes up and then becomes so 'upset' by that that the poster can't mention it again because he'll be really hurt by any reminder of his own mistake 🙄

better not...

OP posts:
Whynot35 · 23/11/2025 19:09
Happy Birthday Celebration GIF by Poku Meow

What miserable sods. Happy birthday!

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 23/11/2025 19:13

I think you should go on strike now. Any Christmas plans (and possibly also Thanksgiving, depending on where you are) time to stop bothering.

Washing strike, cooking strike. How long before they notice?

Yesitsmeimback · 23/11/2025 19:18

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:04

TBF, Dsis3 came over last week with fresh cake and offered to help clean up a mess from a squirrel that got in. She's amazing. I'm 12 years older and feel half mom. In her 20s she was quite the pill and very selfish. No longer that way at all, in fact, I'm pretty impressed w/ how she's turned out :)

I want a squirrel to get in 😔
Happy Birthday 🎉🎂🎉🎂🎁🎉😊

BackToLurk · 23/11/2025 19:20

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 18:55

For my immediate family, if it comes to it, I will say at bedtime, "Hey, did you forget something today?"

For DD1, I'll give her a call tomorrow and remind her. She's the one who will feel the worst.

That second paragraph. Wow.

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:21

Just walked past DH who was watching football game. He says, "Hey lover, what's up?"
I smile, say, "Just looking for a clean sweater."
He responds, "I have a load of my laundry running, but you're free to use the machine when that load is done."
Gee, thanks.
I nod, silently calculating how long this is going to take him . . .

OP posts:
Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:22

Text from DD2 who is literally a room away from me:

Mom I have to get a book for school things fall apart would you like to come with me to get it

OP posts:
Blizzardofleaves · 23/11/2025 19:23

Op how rubbish of them! I fear an avalanche isn’t coming,

ArabellaSaurus · 23/11/2025 19:23

Happy birthday, OP!

Why not tell them now, while you still have half of the day left? So they can nip out and get something, make it up to you?

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:24

ArabellaSaurus · 23/11/2025 19:23

Happy birthday, OP!

Why not tell them now, while you still have half of the day left? So they can nip out and get something, make it up to you?

I feel like I just can't...it's like a lesson they need to learn, that they can't count on me to remind them of EVERYTHING.

OP posts:
tonyhawks23 · 23/11/2025 19:25

Just go out now!there's no win otherwise!go to a luxury hotel spend all the money on a lovely day and enjoy yourself.

FastTurtle · 23/11/2025 19:25

So was there no mention of your birthday when you plan the weekend? I can’t imagine how this happens, each week my DH and I chat about the weekend and if it’s a birthday weekend we’d plan at least a meal out.