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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner doesn’t want me to join him on trip with his niece

248 replies

Perel · 23/11/2025 12:30

My partner and I have been together for 2 years, we both have children from our previous marriages but they are well into their teens/young adulthood now. This year we moved in together and I was hoping that would mean we behaved much more like a family unit.
My partner’s sister passed away several years ago, she had one child who is now 9, my partner started a tradition where he takes his niece skiing/snowboarding in February half term. He seems to really enjoy the trip, his niece goes to a snowboarding school for a few hours in the morning while he has some time on the slopes himself then in the afternoon they spend time together on the slopes, before going for dinner.
I asked if I could join this year, I don’t think it would take anything away from his experience with his niece but I’d like to get to know her better. He seemed totally against this. He said this is the only time in the year he sees his niece (we live very far from her) and he thinks it is best as 1-2-1 time. I can’t help but feel a little hurt though as I’ve never actually met her and feel I’m being excluded from a big part of his life.

AIBU to be hurt by this?

OP posts:
WiggyWiggyImGettingJiggy · 23/11/2025 12:32

Yabu, he has explained his reasons, which are totally valid.

It's not about you.

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 23/11/2025 12:32

He sees her once a year, you should just leave him to it.

bigboykitty · 23/11/2025 12:33

YABU. It's their thing that they do together and it was an overstep to invite yourself.

LoveWine123 · 23/11/2025 12:34

That’s his time and his tradition with his niece. Why not plan a different trip together? Acting like a unit doesn’t mean you do everything and go everywhere together.

themerchentofvenus · 23/11/2025 12:35

100% YABU.

It's her quality time with him and wouldn't be the same if you went.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 23/11/2025 12:37

This holiday is about the niece. It is designed to be a centred around giving special time and attention to an orphaned child which is totally fair and very decent of him.

Introducing any other adult changes that dynamic radically and dilutes that.

Yabu.

In 5 yrs or so if you have a close relationship with the niece and she actively wants you there... yes fine but not now.

Original poster
Perel · 23/11/2025 12:38

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 23/11/2025 12:37

This holiday is about the niece. It is designed to be a centred around giving special time and attention to an orphaned child which is totally fair and very decent of him.

Introducing any other adult changes that dynamic radically and dilutes that.

Yabu.

In 5 yrs or so if you have a close relationship with the niece and she actively wants you there... yes fine but not now.

Edited

I do appreciate this but if he only sees her once a year, for this trip, how will I ever develop a close relationship with his niece? I’ll never meet her if I’m not allowed on the trip.

OP posts:
Crambino · 23/11/2025 12:40

Perel · 23/11/2025 12:38

I do appreciate this but if he only sees her once a year, for this trip, how will I ever develop a close relationship with his niece? I’ll never meet her if I’m not allowed on the trip.

Show quote history

Why does it matter if you don’t develop a close relationship with her?
You don’t need to?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/11/2025 12:40

YABU, his reasons are totally valid and this trip isn’t about you. It’s a shame you won’t get to meet her but as he only sees her once a year it’s clearly not practical right now. Maybe that will be different when she’s older.

Monr0e · 23/11/2025 12:40

You want to gatecrash the holiday of a 9 year old who you have never met? Can you not see how uncomfortable this could make her, having to interact with a stranger on her one and only trip with her uncle?

This trip is not the time to meet her, maybe suggest another time although if he only sees her once a year I'm guessing they live quite far apart?

WiggyWiggyImGettingJiggy · 23/11/2025 12:40

Perel · 23/11/2025 12:38

I do appreciate this but if he only sees her once a year, for this trip, how will I ever develop a close relationship with his niece? I’ll never meet her if I’m not allowed on the trip.

Show quote history

You've been together 2 years. So 2 trips.

You're being dramatic.

Goditsmemargaret · 23/11/2025 12:41

I think he is doing exactly the right thing. The poor child has lost her mother and he needs to prioritise her. This is a green flag imo

PatThePenguin · 23/11/2025 12:41

YABU, if there's one thing on this earth that's not about you, it's this.

My sister also passed away years ago, leaving my two young nieces with whom I have a very close relationship with.

There's no way I would've let a man muscle in on our trips and when I met my husband, he totally understood that.

Even when you do eventually get to know her better, they should still have 'their' time alone.

PatThePenguin · 23/11/2025 12:42

Perel · 23/11/2025 12:38

I do appreciate this but if he only sees her once a year, for this trip, how will I ever develop a close relationship with his niece? I’ll never meet her if I’m not allowed on the trip.

Show quote history

I'm sure she'll survive without meeting her uncle's girlfriend 😳

FastFood · 23/11/2025 12:42

That's adorable. My ex-partner is incredibly close to his niece (who's in her 20s now), it has always been one of my favourite things about him. But I never interfered with their time together, it was their thing.

I'm also very close to my aunt and uncle and try to go and see them each time I'm back home, maybe once or twice a year, and wouldn't want a partner around when we reminisce about the past, gossip about other family members or just continue a conversation we started months ago.

Also, you've been together for just two years, its still early days. That poor kids lost her mum, she needs stability, not someone who might not be around in a few years.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/11/2025 12:44

Perel · 23/11/2025 12:38

I do appreciate this but if he only sees her once a year, for this trip, how will I ever develop a close relationship with his niece? I’ll never meet her if I’m not allowed on the trip.

Show quote history

Are you able to understand that not everything is about you?

Littlebitpsycho · 23/11/2025 12:45

You don't need a close relationship with his niece. YABVU and its a little weird/controlling that you feel the need to push this. It's their time, let them be!

Squirrelblanket · 23/11/2025 12:46

But it's not about you!

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 23/11/2025 12:47

Perel · 23/11/2025 12:38

I do appreciate this but if he only sees her once a year, for this trip, how will I ever develop a close relationship with his niece? I’ll never meet her if I’m not allowed on the trip.

Show quote history

You can send her a small appropriate birthday and christmas gifts.

You can suggest video calls

When older you can suggest a WA group where you share little videos.

Suggest taking her and her father with your DP to days out (iceskating... to chatsworth house, to the beach...whatever)

You could suggest days out with just her to give the dad a break...

If your DP is dead against this then the relationship probably isnt where you think it is.

I'd also accept irrespective of any of this amd how good ypur relationship with her is... you may never go on the trip because it's "their thing" and that's okay...

Out of interest, Who moved in with who?

butterycroissants · 23/11/2025 12:48

Perel · 23/11/2025 12:38

I do appreciate this but if he only sees her once a year, for this trip, how will I ever develop a close relationship with his niece? I’ll never meet her if I’m not allowed on the trip.

Show quote history

She doesn't need to develop a close relationship with you - you're nothing to do with her.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 23/11/2025 12:48

Perel · 23/11/2025 12:38

I do appreciate this but if he only sees her once a year, for this trip, how will I ever develop a close relationship with his niece? I’ll never meet her if I’m not allowed on the trip.

Show quote history

Facetime?

MadisonMontgomery · 23/11/2025 12:48

I think this sounds like such a lovely thing your partner does, and you should not try and muscle in! If you genuinely do want to get to know his niece, why not suggest something separate, like you both take her for a day out another time?

Peoplemakemedespair · 23/11/2025 12:48

You are not bu to ask to join. But you are bu to to get offended by being told no. This is just for him and his niece, and you being there will change the dynamic. Exactly what pp said, it’s not about you

Cookingupmyfirstbornson · 23/11/2025 12:49

butterycroissants · 23/11/2025 12:48

She doesn't need to develop a close relationship with you - you're nothing to do with her.

Show quote history

This. Please leave the poor girl to have a fun trip with her family. She ain't gonna want a random woman there hanging around, she wants her uncles full attention.

JudgeBread · 23/11/2025 12:51

Stop worrying about developing a relationship with his niece, you've only been together two years, now is not the time to start trying to muscle in on a family tradition between them.

He's doing something really nice and special, which is obviously important to both him and his niece. Please don't spoil it by trying to make it about you and your relationship with him.

I'm sure in time he'll facilitate you and she meeting if he sees fit to do so, but it's really not something you need to be worrying about now - your relationship doesn't mean any more or less for you not knowing her.