My husband just hit me in front of our 2 year old daughter

[Needanadvice]

My husband just hit me in front of my 2 year old daughter.

I’m terrified for my daughter that she had to witness this …

I hope you have got hold of the police and women’s aid. It’s fortunate your sister is on her way.

You clearly have not been in that situation and shouldn’t be commenting g on this post with these comments. You have no idea what’s going on in her life none of us do, it’s a terrible situation and think yourself lucky you don’t understand it. Bless ya.

what if the OP married to stay in Uk is irrelevant to the situation! And doesn’t give her husband power to treat her badly.

OP you have options, wipe your tears and focus your energy on you and your daughter. Trust me a single parent is better than an abusive relationship. Leave him now while you can and tell your sister everything so she can help you. I’m a single parent and till today my regrets is why I didn’t leave early my abusive husband. My home is peaceful and my children are happy and thriving. I have progressed so much in life on my own. It

Op it is your responsibility as a dm to protect your dc. Ring the police now. If down the line ss get involved they will ask you why you haven't done so before now.

What can the police do ?
I was calling the national abuse line - no answer. I have tried to reach them so many times - never available. It looks so scary, where am I going to go in a foreign country with a 2 year old?

The Police can arrest him and give him bail conditions so that he doesn’t live with you and risk your life and that of your DD.

A DV support worker can also help you to apply for a Non-Molestation Order.

I would stop calling him though. I’m not sure why you ever want to speak to him again

Please don't be tempted or persuaded to carry on the relationship,i can promise you it will just get worse,then your daughter will definitely be damaged emotionally and perhaps physically. Ask your self if your daughter was grown up,and someone was treating her like this,what would your advice be? I have been in two abusive relationships,it doesn't get better,it gets worse.I know it's scary to think of being by yourself looking after daughter,when you are feeling so vulnerable, but trust me,it's scarier to stay,because from what you have described, there's total lack of boundaries and respect, it WILL happen again and escalate.. please, don't continue with relationship. Seek out the womans refuge,so you can chat to people experienced in this,and get support. Keep safe x

You need to do more reading on women and domestic violence...

Call the police and log it as an assault.

Has he tried to come home?

This may help you focus on doing the right thing even though it's scary:

If you do nothing, it may later be discovered that your daughter witnessed domestic violence by her father against her mother - and her mother did nothing.

What with the trauma and potential for her witnessing further abuse ... and maybe then suffering it herself ... you will be faced with questions about why you did nothing. Why you continued to inflict him on her.

And you could be considered complicit. And may even lose her.

You MUST act. Protect her.

Stop throwing rocks in your own way, thinking up reasons not to. There are none.

Not yet - he hasn’t been home yet. He keeps sending messages saying he will be back if I reply to his messages. Acting like nothing has happened!

My sister will be at my house in few hours - so I’m waiting for her as she can stay with my daughter.

The police will come to your house. Please ring them asap. Have you called women’s aid yet?

My friend has recently been through this. The police have been amazing. Please just call them now. They can stop him coming back.

So what’s your plan when your DSus has your DD?

I don’t think it sounds sensible or fair on your sister for her and your daughter to be alone in the house your abuser is likely to return to at any point? Can’t you call the police and ask them to come to you?

Having your sister in such a vulnerable place, with your even more vulnerable child, when he could return any time is dangerous. Especially as when he returns, if you’re out he will then bully your sister for information. Please rethink this and call the police asap explaining the situation and asking for immediate support.

That would be a serious escalation - unlikely I’d say. It would be far more dangerous for the op to be there.

If he has told you that you'll be deported if you split up or if you call the police, he is lying. I have encountered several men who have told their partners this, and the poor women have believed it, and put up with all sorts of horrors, for fear of being kicked out of the country. Please call the police, I promise they can help you.

How is your daughter doing?

What do you intend to do? I hope you are ok?

Thinking of you @Needanadvice How are you this morning? And how is your little dd?

I agree she should find somewhere else to be too, with her daughter. None of them needs to be there until the police have been called and the steps for a non mol order started.

I don’t agree that a man being threatening to his partner’s sister is a serious escalation when he’s already hit his partner in front of their child.

And if the sister was there with the child, I would be really surprised if he didn’t force her to leave or take the child away himself and she wouldn’t have any way to stop him doing either thing.

I just think that putting another woman at risk of him abusing her in any way is not a sensible next step.

The police need to be involved now.

Do you want to go home to your family? Do you think he would follow if you did?

If spitting is assault you have assaulted him as well

neither should be doing either spitting or hitting

you both don’t like each other

get a divorce now for you and dd

Are those people all men? Almost more worrying if women are spouting this s*e

Just to let you know, in UK law, deliberately spitting on someone is classed as assault. He may be able to claim self-defence. Be very careful what you say, but do log his violence with the police. And don’t spit on people.

Hitting someone much less strong than yourself is not self defence. Being spat at (or in my case having one's face scratched) is an assault and provocation. But hitting someone hard is not self defence. It is indefensible and unforgivable violence.

OP he wants out of this marriage so you need to start planning your way out safely. He clearly feels very angry and that he has been trapped by you and your child. He may also have family who are telling him you only married him to obtain residency. This means he is dangerous like any cornered animal.

You need to get legal advice on how to get a divorce asap so you can move on with your life because it's not worth staying with him, given the dialogue and now violence - it can only get worse for you and your daughter. Find out how quickly you can legally separate and what you are entitled to financially.
You will need to find out what support you can get from the state if you are not working given the age of your child and the cost of childcare.