My husband just hit me in front of our 2 year old daughter

[Needanadvice]

My husband just hit me in front of my 2 year old daughter.

I’m terrified for my daughter that she had to witness this …

You need to leave him, don’t want your daughter growing up thinking that she should accept that behaviour from a man…

on a side note, spitting isn’t ok either…

Hi there,

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page. Domestic violence support | Webguide and contact details

Some Mumsnetters also reccommend The Freedom Programme - you might want to take a look.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ 💐

@Baldylovingbeard what a horribly offensive thing to say.

OP has clearly married a man to stay in the UK!

How is this even relevant @Baldylovingbeard, let alone helpful ?

All that matters is that the OP has been assaulted and abused by her husband and in the presence of their very young child. She needs support and advice, not digs about possible motives for her marriage.

The police will help you, OP, and they will not make any judgments about why you got married. Please contact them asap.

i have 3 friends who work (worked) for woman’s aid. This is fact. And you’ve just explained why it take a woman so long to leave because they fall in love with the first guy…. The loving caring kind person so that makes it harder to leave. Sorry you’re going through this. Hope you’re safe and get the help you need. Hopefully seeing your sister will help you.

What a vile, disgusting thing to say. It’s far more likely he’d be after someone foreign because they’re more vulnerable in a country where they don’t have a support system and don’t know how to access the right services.

Are people from different countries not allowed to have a relationship without ulterior motives in your world?
Now that you mention it, clearly my partner is after my EU citizenship passport 🤔 that little weasel!

The very best thing you can do for your daughter is get yourselves out of this situation. Seeing that you can walk away, and survive, will be one of the best life lessons she'll ever get.
Good luck.

Let’s focus on supporting the OP, her small child, and the situation she is in right now.

OP, it is good he packed a bag and left.

The reason everyone is saying call the police is that they can help you get an immediate Order that prevents him coming back to the house. There is a retired police officer advising you to get help from police. That is their job. To help you.

How are you housed? Is it rented or mortgaged?

Do you have access to enough money to see you through the next few weeks in the house? In your own account?

You need to ring the police.

call women’s aid

Do you have access to enough money to see you through the next few weeks in the house? In your own account?

Good point, @StewkeyBlue.

Iirc, EU citizens with settled status have the same rights with regards to benefits as UK nationals.

Once you've sorted things with the police so that he can't come back OP, it might be an idea to start a UC claim if you don't have money of your own.

You are spot on about the effect on your daughter. That was traumatic for her. You can't change what happened but you can change what happens next. Take advice from a domestic violence service and get you and your daughter yo a safe place where it can't happen again.

They can give him a restraining order (DVPN) to prevent him from returning to the house, then they can arrest him if he does.

Call the police.

He will say you assaulted him first (technically you did as spitting on someone is assault) BUT his reaction was disproportionate and you were holding a child at the time so don’t let anyone bully you and make out he is the victim. You need to call 999 first and report asap .

The number for the National Abuse Helpline is 0808 2000 247. Please call it now.

OP, I know you said you are not British and you may be from a country where the police do not operate in the same way as the UK ones do.
Here we have specially trained officers who deal with domestic violence. They are sadly used to this situation.
Please do not be afraid to contact them.
They will guide you through the next steps.
Please ring them.
He could be on his way home now and you have no way of knowing what kind of emotional state he will be in.

Leave. Leave him. No excuses, don’t listen to a fucking word he says. Leave him.

He has left. Why should she put her child through more trauma!

You can also call 101 for local police

Op I don’t know where you are, but there are suppport networks available.
London Victim & Witness Support - 0808 168 9291
National Domestic Abuse Helpline - 0808 2000 247

https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/womens-aid-directory/ Provides details of regional support agencies

as a parent of an adopted child who understands a bit about the effect of these kind of things on children - this may be weird advice but try not to dwell on the effect on your daughter at the moment - any precious moments you have with her try and just prioritise connection and closeness - trust that her bond with you regulates and protects her- it does. the thing that will help her most is looking after your own health and safety - she will feel safe as you feel safe. the emotional abuse you have been dealing with is just as serious as the physical and she will build back stronger every minute of every day that passes without this horrible loser of a man in both your lives. you are both on the road to joy now - one step at a time. ask for help. i have nothing but respect for how strong you are as i am sure a lot of people on this thread agree.

OP please report this to the police. As you have settled status you will be able to claim benefits and the council will be able to safely house you away from him. It may be a hostel / temporary accomodation to start with, but eventually you’ll get something more permanent. You will have enough money to clothe and feed your daughter, but more importantly, keep her safe.

You asked what the police will do, well arrest him for assault. Important to document he did this in front of the child, as if he wants access then social services will get involved to ensure your child is safe with him.

Glad your sister is coming over today, please tell her everything and show her this thread so she knows the organisations that can help.

Most importantly, do not let him sweet talk you into not leaving him. He will not change, he will hit you again. Please take your daughter and get away from him. Good luck

Hey.

im so sorry you’ve both had to go through this. Just my little input here, my ex did the same, he slapped me in front of my then 3 year old. Just to offer you hope for the future, I am fairly confident my son cannot remember this. He’s never mentioned it at all except for the initial week after. Try to minimise your upset infront of your little one and hopefully they won’t remember. Please find strength to leave. I did and have a life better than ever imagined now. Sending love and strength

Leave. And then phone the police.

He has left for now. He could walk back in the door at any time. Long term she needs to leave him.

This is such a horrible thing to go through OP.

As other have already said please report this to the police and get him arrested and charged for assault and get a restraining order. Tell them he did this in front of your daughter as well and that you are concerned for both your safety.

I would change the locks to your home immediately (locksmiths all do emergency calls) so he can't get back him and leave his stuff outside.

Speak to a charity that helps women like woman's aid in your circumstance for support.

That he did it once is enough, don't let him do it again.