My husband just hit me in front of our 2 year old daughter

[Needanadvice]

My husband just hit me in front of my 2 year old daughter.

I’m terrified for my daughter that she had to witness this …

You've wondered what the polive can do - arrest him is the first bit, provide evidence to help you get a barring order so he's not allowed in the house, and him getting a criminal record for domestic violence will help you in any future legal cases.

It's great your sister is coming over, but you need to contact police asap.

Arrest him for assault. Don’t minimise this, it will only get worse if you stay with him and one day it may be your daughter on the receiving end.

I just re-read, you are correct. Thank you.

That is absolutely disgusting and abusive to spit at someone.

It is obvious that this relationship is very toxic and a child should not grow up in this environment.

I would still report him to the police as he has been verbally abusive before this and so his behaviour is escalating.

You cannot be in the same household together anymore and so you need to figure out who is going to live where.

If you report it to the police, you will have more evidence if he is ever refusing to leave or give the child back.

Ring womens aid for advice.

You won't lose your right to live in the UK if you split up because of domestic violence by the way, and your child of course is a citizen.

You might be better off going back to your home country, where you have supports to make being a single parent easier. A reason you need to get police involved, so you've evidence of his abuse if he tried to stop you leaving the country.

I know it's legally problematic, but personally I'd put a new heavy duty bolt on the door or change the locks so he can't just come back in unexpectedly.

Please don't be tempted or persuaded to carry on the relationship,i can promise you it will just get worse,then your daughter will definitely be damaged emotionally and perhaps physically. Ask your self if your daughter was grown up,and someone was treating her like this,what would your advice be? I have been in two abusive relationships,it doesn't get better,it gets worse.I know it's scary to think of being by yourself looking after daughter,when you are feeling so vulnerable, but trust me,it's scarier to stay,because from what you have described, there's total lack of boundaries and respect, it WILL happen again and escalate.. please, don't continue with relationship. Seek out the womans refuge,so you can chat to people experienced in this,and get support. Keep safe x

I think she is scared. And wants to keep her family together and thinks he will become the person he was when they met… this is what a coercive relation does to a person. Regardless, yes she should absolutely contact the police. I went through this for 5 years and if I could go back now I wouldn’t have let it go that long but when you are in it you don’t actually realise what’s going on until it’s too late and it’s a mixture of all different things including being scared… he may well be threatening her saying if she calls the police he will say untrue things etc… that’s what these men do!!!! ITS TEXTBOOK! All anyone has to do is Google narcissistic coercive control. Textbook.

Depending on what he tells the police, the police can easily switch on her and believe his lies. She needs to report it now and fight against him and she will be fine.

Unfortunately there will be hard times and the national abuse lines are sooo busy with these cases, I felt so let down.. If you call the police they can apply for a non molestation order and you will be protected you just have to get up and fight for you and your child. Tell them everything that’s happened from the start, how it’s affected you etc .

Leave immediately with your daughter and do not go back - whatever he says or promises you. He will not change.

You and your daughter deserve so much better. Report him to the police if you can, ring Women’s Aid and contact the council - you’ll be top priority for council housing if you say you’re a victim of domestic violence. Please do not stay with him.

Don't worry about his threats to kill himself, it's a very common tactic and in the very off chance that he does, your and your children's lifes will be better, it's been 8 years since for me and all our life's are better without him.
Can you get yourself financially in a better place and leave? I know it's difficult but the other side is so worth it

You know what you need to do, OP - and this is a space where women who've been through it can advise and support you.

His true face has been revealed, the mask has slipped. He hasn't changed - he's just stopped pretending. This is who and what he really is. When he's being 'nice' it's an act. Fake.

He has proved the contempt and hate he has for you with his verbal abuse, insults, foul language and threats.

Spitting is a very base level of contempt and it seems you both did it (absolutely not excusing him or blaming you, rather saying this is also a symptom of a dead marriage between two people who despise each other and shouldn't be wasting their lives together).

He has already hit you. Was it the first time? It will not be the last. He will do it again - and it will get worse.

And then he will hurt your child.

Even if he doesn't hit her, she's already been horribly damaged by witnessing it all and fearing for her mum.

Being made to stay with an abusive parent will damage her further.

So many women here who were that wife, or that child, can tell the same ugly old story.

You must act:

Is he British? I won't ask you what your nationality is, as it's outing.

Are you here on an arranged marriage?

Might there be family/cultural implications eg shame around you leaving the marriage?

Good that he packed and went. This is the right direction.

Good that your sister is coming - having family and friendship in a difficult situation is so valuable.

Your rights

You and your daughter have rights, whatever your nationality or immigration status.

You have been physically assaulted, physically and verbally abused, and your child has been terrorised.

Domestic abuse is an offence, and is taken seriously in the UK with the possibility of prison sentences. https://prisonguide.co.uk/whats-the-prison-sentence-for-domestic-violence-offences/

Please call the police if you haven't felt able to yet. There is zero shame here.

They may direct you to fill in this form if you are not in immediate danger: https://www.police.uk/report-domestic-abuse

https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/im-not-sure-if-my-relationship-is-healthy/#unhealthy-behaviour

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

Your immigration status

Get advice. You can obtain a free half hour consultation with a lawyer to understand your situation - do some research.

You may qualify to remain here if your relationship has broken down through domestic abuse - start here: https://www.gov.uk/indefinite-leave-to-remain-domestic-violence-abuse

You will need to have reported it to the police today, to get the report reference number for your records.

I'd also recommend you get a GP appointment today for yourself and your daughter to get checked out so that is also on your records and you can produce that as evidence should you need to.

If you don't, be prepared to be questioned on WHY you left it so late to report to police and seek medical help - 'so it was clearly not that urgent', and all that bullshit.

Generally, write down EVERYTHING that's happened, everything he's said, done and threatened. Keep detailed records.

Be careful about him coming back - do not let yourself or your child be alone with him from now on. You have a child's safety to fight for.

Please let us know you're ok and you're starting to act.

OP, you need to leave him - it is a sad fact that a man who has hit you once will do it again. Unfortunately, he will claim provocation because you spat at him - I do understand that you were provoked, but that is not exactly a good example to be setting your DC. My advice would be to inform the police and change the locks - then speak to a domestic violence support service. You need to get away from this toxic relationship.

So you spat on him in front of your 2 year old before things kicked off? Whatever happens you two need to be far away from each other. Permanently. I can't believe we're minimizing spitting on our spouses in front of little children? What he's done is inexcusable, but same for you.

ok - but why avoid the very action that breaks the cycle then? It’s self-sabotage. There’s no point shouting “textbook” whilst not taking the one step that might break the textbook cycle and lead to a better trajectory and better outcomes.

Again, I totally get that it’s hard and traumatic but choosing the easy path of compliance with him, can just make the situation worse for OP. He’s not going to suddenly think “shit” and fix up. Yes it’s easier to not say or do anything - But it still self sabotage.

it gets much easier to address the situation when you’re not directly in the firing line ie contacting the police gives you some legal shield where external people are involved, the authorities are monitoring things, and where he would he stupid to hurt her again. At the moment he has all the power so to speak.

I am just reposting the OP's account here to illustrate to some posters that this was not a 50:50 situation. Nobody is saying that spitting is OK; but it is clear that the OP was spitting in reaction to prolonged verbal abuse and that the husband was deliberately goading her into a reaction, probably so he could play the victim afterwards (the last sentence of her post makes it clear). And all of it in front of their tiny DD.

It is evident that his strategy was effective, judging by some of the posts on here. Trying to shame the OP - to make her feel that she is somehow equally to blame - is both cruel and irresponsible.

Shouting textbook is essential for the narrow minded people commenting. Again, calling the police isn’t always as straight forward. Revert to textbook.

It is very important that you report this to the police. The fact that he did this in front of his dd, that her experience was so frightening, is very important to get on record because when you split up, you could be legally required to hand her over to him.

It needs to be on record that this happened, that he was unable to control himself in her presence. A man abusing a woman is no barrier to access to children.

Reporting this to the police is the most important thing you can do for your dd.

Call the police asap

Call the police asap

https://idas.org.uk/what-we-do/domestic-abuse-support/victims-with-no-recourse-to-public-funds/#:~:text=What%20can%20you%20do%3F,housing%20because%20of%20domestic%20abuse.

if you have no recourse to public funds there is some help available financially. Please call the police and your local domestic abuse service

https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/womens-aid-directory/

you've been so brave to post and your little one will be okay, your safety is the most important thing right now xx

The police can arrest him and put orders in place to keep you and your daughter safe. They can support you to contact services to access safe housing and legal advice. You MUST seek help - this behaviour won’t get better and you have a responsibility to keep your daughter safe.

Again, see “self-sabotage”. At some point, the victim needs to take action, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to helped.

I so hope you rang the police.
He has abused you both.
That poor child.
Do it for her, if not for yourself.
Ring the police and report.
Get out of there.

You don't co-parent with an abuser. Sole custody. He pays.

She spat at him first so this could end up a he said/she said scenario.
Is there proof he hit her - if so she should take photo's.