My husband just hit me in front of our 2 year old daughter

[Needanadvice]

My husband just hit me in front of my 2 year old daughter.

I’m terrified for my daughter that she had to witness this …

So you were arguing and you spat in his face first @Needanadvice? This sounds awful. Do you have a friend you stay with? Do you work?

It’s actually so sad in this time that narrow minded people do not see this type of coercion and control. It’s a killer. It’s not easy to to just leave, especially whilst married … there may be many factors that he has coerced this lady in to keep her in his control. People literally do not understand unless they have been through it themselves and it is hell to live with.

I've reported this. This is a disgraceful response to the OP and I hope you're ashamed of yourself. You haven't read all her posts, dare not responding to her story and are projecting at best.

Are you safe now?

Leaving is a huge and often difficult decision but it seems as though the abuse is escalating.

Please try the Live Fear Free helpline again. They can give you the best advice.

Stay strong

If you really can’t bring yourself to phone the police, call NHS 111 and ask for advice about managing your anxiety about the events, how best to comfort your daughter, and how to self treat the symptoms of tissue soreness of where you got hit.

that will at least mean it’s recorded somewhere official, your GP practice will get sent a brief report on Monday, and the 111 clinician will log it on their child safeguarding notification system.

If he has made threats about your immigration status, try not to worry too much. There are various exemptions for people fleeing violence to keep a child safe.

Hope you are okay.
You need to take photos of any bruising or cuts and maybe go to a GP for a checkup and also to have independent evidence of the assault.
Otherwise it will only be hearsay.

Once a man hits, punches, kicks a woman, he has destroyed the social taboo boundary and will do it again and again and again - until he is stopped.

Are you dependent on this marriage to remain in the country?
If so, you need to seek legal advice.
Would you be better off going home or would that be problematic for your situation?

I understand he is grieving his father but that is not a reason to assault you.
He has been insulting you and belittling you since the birth of your child.

It sounds like your husband was not ready to take on parental responsibilities and now feels angry and trapped and is taking it out on you.

This could get a lot worse for you and your child.
Look up what support group for women in a similar situation is available near you.

I’m sure OP knows this and whilst true his response was wildly disproportionate and she is not the one at fault.

Just stop. Why are you giving reasons/excuses as to why you won’t contact the police, instead of just contacting them?

surely you realise as a “foreign” woman with no support system here, you’re more at risk of abuse and possibly death due to DV than the average British woman is? That makes you vulnerable. It is in your best interests to contact the police.

also the abuse helpline you mention is just a charity, they have no requirement to answer calls - it’s usually just volunteers giving a listening ear. The police would answer your calls much sooner and give you more concrete support.

Regardless, it is a form of self-sabotage by OP to not contact the police if a crime has occurred against her. It’s also not in the best interests of the child who is in the middle of this. Keeping quiet only protects him.

No one is saying that contacting the police is easy. But ultimately it creates a paper trail that supports OP and her daughter much more than not contacting the police would. That will then help her leave should she decide to in the future.

I agree.

Report this to the police. They will help you. Call a friend or neighbour and see if you can stay somewhere else temporarily.

Do you think that she would not have done it already, were it possible? Seriously? Two years of awful treatment - she would have gone home if she had the money, if her family had the money, if it were better or even livable at home for her. The OP is clearly without her own resources. He is clearly emboldened by that.

I am so sorry OP!
He is the lowest of the low.

Please report it to the police.

You have a shared daughter and home and you need the ‘proof’ in case he tries going for full custody of your daughter.

Too many times women (or men) don’t report things and then things get nasty with child custody and then they only bring up abuse/violence in court - which immediately looks like they are making it up.

Report it to the police - you do not need to press charges.
Take photos.
Screenshot any messages.

This. Call the police and get to a place of safety.
Who started it etc will wait.
It wasn't the right thing to do to spit on him but sometimes people snap when they've been abused for so long. Mentally and emotionally the OP won't have been in a good place if she's been suffering this for ages and she can't be blamed for a poor response under that kind of pressure.

Some obviously are but I know loads of people who stay just because they are so afraid to be alone.

They would rather be in an unhappy relationship than be independent.

There is a thread and multiple posters say how their DHs regularly punch holes in doors etc but because he doesn’t hit them they don’t leave - it’s sad that someone has such a low bar that they’d rather put up with bad behaviour than just be single.

I believe it was him who spat on her and at their child.

There are some disgraceful responses on this thread, implying that the OP shares equal blame for what happened and even criticising her parenting. From what the OP has described it is manifestly untrue. This was a situation where the OP has been subjected to prolonged and serious verbal abuse for 2 years by her 'D'H since giving birth to his child.

Haranguing the OP for retaliating by spitting in his face, and insinuating that the OP provoked his violent response, is egregious and I hope those posters are ashamed. No this wasn't an 'argument' or a reciprocal situation; the OP was pushed by his abuse into a reaction. Believe it or not a victim doesn't have to behave absolutely perfectly to still be a victim.

OP I do hope you have called the police and that you get RL support and help to protect you & your little girl.

I’m really so sorry to hear this. All the advice on here is good. You need a locking door between him and you and your child. The difficult part is not the immediate decision it’s the next days and weeks when he wants to come back and you’re faced with the pain of deciding on your marriage. You will need proper trained support for this. Police can be good but only short term. You need a specialist domestic violence support charity to speak to. They won’t tell you what to do but they will support you to make good decisions for you and your child. In my experience one hit is the tip of the iceberg. When they see that you take them back afterwards something fundamentally changes in the relationship bc it’s no longer a big taboo any more and they can get away with it. Look after yourself 🧡

You need to contact the domestic violence charities in your area. Go in person to the offices if they have offices. They will understand if you feel vulnerable because of your immigration status. Many many women (mostly women, sorry cis men) experience abuse bc they’re on spousal visas attached to an abusive husband. The charities understand this issue and can give you advice and support. You need to be persistent to look online and call lots of them.
ignore the comments that suggest he was right to hit you because you spat at him. He’s been verbally abusing you and hitting is not acceptable in any circumstances. Domestic abuse often starts or intensifies during or after pregnancy because your body changes and you’re focused on the baby. It’s not uncommon sadly. But it is serious. Please get help!

It's just as likely to be a form of self-preservation as she has no family here and her right to be in this country is through her marriage.

It's not accepted in any country. He spat back at her... then proceeded to hit her. I think that's the most egregious of all the actions here, and the prior name calling means he's abusive and that's what the OP needs help with.

She does say she spat on him first. Then he spat on her.

More than a hint of racism in this response. Not pleasant to read posts like this which risk further distressing a vulnerable woman. For anyone who reads the OP's account it is clear she was not the aggressor in this situation.