Sick kids and work

[wallypops3]

My work situation is that I work Tuesday to Friday and my ds4 goes to preschool on these days. Last week I had to take most of the week off because he had a viral winter bug. Nasty cough, high temperature, generally lethargic and unwell. Just wanted rest and cuddles. On the first day my dh looked after him but he had work commitments for the rest of the week. I took Wednesday and Thursday off. By Friday I thought he’d improved a little so I sent him back to pre school and went to work. Got a call at midday saying his temperature was up again and he was upset so I had to leave work and go collect him.

My workplace doesn’t have a policy for child sickness and I have used up my annual leave (the final two days on the Wed and Thurs last week). When I went back to work today I felt like my boss was a bit short with me and asked how I planned to cover it. I am able to work from home but boss wouldn’t allow it in these circumstances which is fair enough but realistically I’d have been able to get stuff done as he was mostly asleep on the sofa or watching tv. There are far more distractions and chatting in the office to be honest.

Anyway it’s left me feeling a bit down and deflated. We have no family to support us in situations like this and I don’t expect it’s the first and only time he’ll be sick this winter. I don’t take the piss but when my dc is unable to go to childcare what choice do I have? I feel very guilty to my employer but also very guilty for sending dc back to pre school when he clearly wasn’t ready. How do you address this if you don’t have help?

Your husband should have taken friday off, you had already taken two days off, he had only taken one. You had work commitments, so if you can take time off so can he. It is however unusual not to have a work place policy on it. My last UK work place gave four compassionate days each year for this sort of thing.

Really the only way is for your dh to take off 50 percent of the time, otherwise you are prioritising him and his career/work. In reality, he’s probably paid more than you, so you both prioritise him, so you just have to ring in and say you can’t work and hope your work are sympathetic and resentment doesn’t build up.
It’s hard, and not easy, on both you and employer. DH not so much

You see how I’m going to say that your DH needs to step and take leave etc but I expect you’ll say he can’t as he is the main earner and has a very important job.

Not helpful but this is why bosses get notes with women because generally we’re still doing all the pickups/looking after suck kids etc. If all Dads starting doing their but and telling their bosses they need to be at home then things would change. They went though because reality is they don’t want to and see it as your job because well you know you work part time and earn less.

The only option is to try and talk to your boss and try and negotiate to make the time up.

Following. Interested to hear about workplace policies addressing this as mine doesn’t have any and we also don’t have support. I didn’t realise it was a thing and would consider pitching it.

My dh had important meetings and on Friday was actually in another county! My work is important too but I had nothing in the diary for those days so it just made more sense. We do try and work as a team
but it’s very hard when we both work and yes he earns a lot more than me.

You don't owe your employer anything, except for the hours they pay you for.

Your boss wouldn't let you WFH, which is ridiculous imo (unless obviously your job is one you can't do from home). Have there been any days you've worked unpaid overtime?

Legally, he can't treat you unfairly because you've taken time off for dependents. He can refuse to pay you for it or ask you to make up the time. But if he's showing a complete lack of flexibility, I'd be looking for another job.

Next time your child is sick your husband needs to take the majority of the time off. That will make it easier for you and your job.

I work for the NHS which has a large female workforce. Our managers now ask if the children’s dad has taken time off to care for the child when people repeatedly ask for time off to care for a sick child. They also do the same with flexible work requests.

How can you work from home with a poorly 3 year old? They’re going to need your attention.

I use a nanny whenever possible in these situations (I also have no family support and my husband can’t/won’t step up). I have recruited a few people who are happy to be contacted on short notice for ad hoc nannying. If none happens to be available I have to take time off, but at least some days I manage to cover that way.

You (and dh obviously!) just keep trucking! What I wouldn’t recommend is to become a sahm because you can’t take the stress of your manager on you all the time, causing holes in finance, poverty and danger to marriage 😅

By the way look up force measure I think it’s called- relating to child sickness and the workplace x

You have a statutory right to unpaid leave for emergency care for dependents.

whether your workplace has a policy it’s still your right

https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

She's already said the kid was asleep most of the day.

I've WFH plenty with a poorly kid on the sofa next to me. If anything, I'm more productive those days because I'm not being hassled by people in the office and will probably end up working extra hours in the evening to compensate for any reduced productivity during the day.

Can you work some Mondays to build up some more AL?
Always baffled at the big important man who can’t take time off (not you OP, I see yours was abroad). If they are so important and high up they should have more not less flexibility. And they can set an example to other senior colleagues and men. Nothing will change otherwise.

Emergency leave exists so you can make other arrangements to have your dependent looked after - it's not there so you can take unlimited time off with a poorly child.

This wasn’t an emergency that OP could manage. She says she has no other childcare. The leave is to allow a carer to put care in place or if current care falls though.

That’s so inappropriate

He wasn't abroad - he was in another county. Not country :)

her child was sent home from nursery. That’s an emergency

And so they should, it's not on the mums work to take all the absence. For each appt or sick day we look who would find it easier to look after children. In practice my DH does more of the sick days as he works from home 4 days out of 5 and I only work from home 1 day per week, so as long as they are 'sofa sick' rather than very poorly then he can still work. Whereas I have to go in for my job, and have booked clinics, so can schedule time off for appts but much less easy to be off at short notice. There definitely needs to be a balance.

Given she knew her child was poorly (as she'd just taken two days off with him), I would argue that this wasn't an emergency. She should have either taken another day off or had her DH cover it.

Receiving a call from Nursery to collect you child at midday due to illness is an emergency

I've just directly asked work what they expect me to do. I can't neglect or abandon my child so it's just tough. They either value me or they don't.

For the Friday you can suggest it was unpaid for the hours you took or offer to make up the time. As tough as it is, it’s not your employer’s problem - can you look for emergency childcare options, local person who you could pay to babysit? I’ve done it for my neighbours when I wasn’t working

we have a right as parents for parental leave, check the gov website, your employer can’t touch you

I’m sorry but coming from the other side of this it does get very frustrating having to pick up the slack when people call off sick for things like this. Your husband should’ve taken Friday off.