Sick kids and work

[wallypops3]

My work situation is that I work Tuesday to Friday and my ds4 goes to preschool on these days. Last week I had to take most of the week off because he had a viral winter bug. Nasty cough, high temperature, generally lethargic and unwell. Just wanted rest and cuddles. On the first day my dh looked after him but he had work commitments for the rest of the week. I took Wednesday and Thursday off. By Friday I thought he’d improved a little so I sent him back to pre school and went to work. Got a call at midday saying his temperature was up again and he was upset so I had to leave work and go collect him.

My workplace doesn’t have a policy for child sickness and I have used up my annual leave (the final two days on the Wed and Thurs last week). When I went back to work today I felt like my boss was a bit short with me and asked how I planned to cover it. I am able to work from home but boss wouldn’t allow it in these circumstances which is fair enough but realistically I’d have been able to get stuff done as he was mostly asleep on the sofa or watching tv. There are far more distractions and chatting in the office to be honest.

Anyway it’s left me feeling a bit down and deflated. We have no family to support us in situations like this and I don’t expect it’s the first and only time he’ll be sick this winter. I don’t take the piss but when my dc is unable to go to childcare what choice do I have? I feel very guilty to my employer but also very guilty for sending dc back to pre school when he clearly wasn’t ready. How do you address this if you don’t have help?

I thought it was obvious that you’d ask them for references, do a DBS check and a trial shift beforehand 🙄 That’s the same agencies would do.

But why would they be available at the drop of a hat for a random day in the next few months?

Making out that it’s easy to magic up Mary Poppins to look after your sick child with zero notice does nobody any favours (apart from work places)

We need a change in policy to help with how hard this is. To keep women in the work force. And many (myself included) throw in the towel as it becomes impossible.

I ended up retraining and being self employed so I could cover any sick days. But I’m still very resentful about how hard it was.

@DoBeDoBeDooo also just reported you for a personal attack for suggesting that I’m out of my mind and a safeguarding risk for letting a recently retired teacher who presented references and an up to date DBS check look after my baby

References can be faked.

A DBS check only reveals prior convictions. You also can't apply for an enhanced DBS check unless you're an eligible organisation (e.g. a registered childcare provider). This means DBS check won't even cover whether or not they've been barred from working with children.

By the time you leave your child with them for a trial shift, it could be too late.

Absolutely mind blowing to me that anyone would put their child at risk like this.

Report away! Is it a personal attack to point out the huge risk involved with what you're suggesting? I personally think it's really important people know what you're suggesting isn't a safe option for emergency care.

We can let @MNHQ decide though 👍🏻

ETA: I didn't ask if you were out of your mind because you'd let a retired teacher look after your baby. I asked if you were out of your mind for suggesting I advertise in the local library for strangers to look after my DC 😉

He wasn't in another country, I'm not sure why everyone keeps saying that.

It was a different county. And if she knew her son wasn't well enough for nursery, she should have stayed off on the Friday and had a day of unpaid leave.

No because it’s ludicrous and impractical.

@DoBeDoBeDooo re references - that’s why I prefer retired teachers because you can contact their place of work rather than needing to rely on private nannying references.
For enhanced DBS checks I use an umbrella company to apply through.

What would an agency do differently when vetting their applicants? You can do just the same level of vetting yourself which makes it as safe as using an agency. And I have the advantage that me and my baby would have met this person before rather than having an agency sending me a stranger.

Fine, then continue spending your time and energy complaining that you have no childcare rather than starting to recruit people who can help when needed.

Could you say to your employer if it gets mentioned again that yes, you had more time off this time round with the sick child because DH wasn't in the country. However, the intention is that next time he will take an extra day to make up for it (basically so over time you have taken a fair split). If you have no AL leave left, accept that it will need to be unpaid. Given that it's possible to do your job from home, but understandably your employer doesn't want you to do it whilst in charge of the sick child, next time could you say that you would make up the time by working from home on Saturday whilst DH is looking after DC?

Sorry, but I'm having a hard time believing you're actually telling the truth here.

Umbrella companies aren't allowed to request a DBS check on behalf of an individual. They can only request them for eligible organisations, employing people in eligible roles. In the scenario you're describing, there's no route to getting an enhanced DBS check unless you go through a nannying agency.

It's also not accurate to say you can do the same level of vetting yourself. An enhanced DBS is only one part of the safer recruitment and safeguarding rules agencies have to follow. Since you've not mentioned any of the additional steps they take to vet people, I'm going to assume you haven't done them.

A trial run isn't a form of protection either, especially when you consider that grooming relies on building trust with parents or guardians. Everyone thinks it won't happen to them until it does.

You do you. But personally, I'm not going to take these kinds of risks with my own DC and will keep exercising my statutory right to unpaid emergency leave when I need to.

In a sick twist of fate I am now also off work with sick DD2. I texted my boss and said:

‘sorry, going to have to collect DD as she is unwell’ and he said: ‘no problem, hope she is ok.’

If the armed forces can get it right I struggle to see why other employers get their knickers in such a twist. FWIW, my wife will be off with her tomorrow but was in a meeting today so couldn’t answer to the nursery 🤪

Sorry, my reply was rude. I just can’t envisage a way that this would work. Even if you did the appropriate checks and built up a relationship with this person then how on earth could you guarantee they’d be available when needed? It’s not like you can pre book for future illness.

You can't guarantee it but having a few people on tap is better than nothing. Unless you are happy to take unpaid time away from work, which others have pointed out is your right.

I had three backups for taking care of my DOG; made it a priority when adopting to source multiple reputable sitters, walkers and willing friends in case of emergency, illness, work-related travel, etc. It always baffles me that parents don't cultivate child minders and sitters.

Out of curiosity, why do you consider it ludicrous and impractical?

Because of the reasons I stated in my last post.
Plus I don’t think it would be in my child’s best interests to be unwell with a virtual stranger who only ever sees when he’s sick.
I would definitely rather take the time off unpaid.

Yes, you can’t guarantee availability. I have 4 people who I’ve checked/met etc and feel comfortable with my child. If nursery calls me during the day that my child is sick, then I usually lose the day. But if I then text these people for the next day, more often than not one of these 4 is available. I also only do this if my baby is mildly ill, if they need mama (or are too contagious) then that’s what it is.

Anyway, I hope you find a solution that works for you, I wanted to share what has worked for me because I sympathise, I’m completely on my own (apart from my husband who I’m about to divorce because he is no help at all). I’m sorry too for my snappy reply, genuinely wishing you all the best in navigating this difficult situation!

Well, that works, then.

But my suggestion wasn't meant to say they would only see their sitter when sick. Do you not go out as a couple or otherwise need the occasional child minder?

As others have said, retired teachers, retired nurses, professional child minders and carers, etc., all are out there if one wants to search for them.

I sadly am not a parent, but I have managed a lot of parents.
Our policy is that you can have 2-5 days off unpaid, to deal with emergencies; and otherwise, annual leave is down to the discretion of the manager. It's very clear in the policy that you cannot be at home with a sick child of primary school age, as it's assumed you will be looking after them.

As a manager, I've allowed both paid and unpaid leave to be taken, but in one case, I did have to have a word with one of my team - gently! She had taken emergency leave four times in a month, for two kids. I just gently explored whether she was OK, and if there was an underlying issue with either of the kids. She raised that it was always her taking the leave, and we talked around her husband maybe taking a turn too. I think this helped embolden her to have the discussion with her (pretty controlling) husband. Things did change a bit after that.

A lot depends on people keeping enough annual leave, at year end, to make sure they can cover any time off for their littlies. It's tough, I do get it.

I appreciate this isn't your policy and you're not responsible for it.
But can you see how awful it is? Emergency leave 4 times in a month could surely must be 2 sick said per child, which would be pretty standard if both children caught the same bug.
A parent should be allowed to work from home, extend the hours if need be/catch up in the evening. It simply isn't fair to expect parents to use up a lot of annual leave to cover sickness.
Annual leave is important, it's a person's chance to unwind, relax, maybe take a holiday. But a lot of the time it's needed to cover children's school holidays too.
The stress it puts on a parent when they see their annual leave slipping away and they are panicking about how they will cover the next holiday or the next sickness, or afford unpaid leave.
Children are an essential part of our society! We absolutely NEED children, they are the next generation. It is a parents direct responsibility to raise a child, but society should take responsibility too and that means the government AND employers. Making life impossible for working parents is not the way to raise the birth rate and create a generation of well adjusted young adults. My employer would never force me to take unpaid leave or annual leave for a childs sick day. It's a sick day, end of story. I work from home as much as possible that day and look after my sick child.

My jaw literally dropped at this.

Are you suggesting there be different rules for parents?? Or should childfree people get to take paid sick leave to tend to their domestic issues, too? Even if they aren’t truly ill.

Annual leave is for taking care of one’s lifestyle. Be that childcare, holidays, DIY around the house, extended family issues, etc.

If one chooses to parent then it’s likely annual leave will be used for parenting. That’s the way it goes.

Parents don’t get all of the paid absences they please PLUS their full quota of annual leave on top.

Meanwhile, that whole “future of society” argument is belied by how many people turn out to be anti social, non contributing, criminal, abusers, etc. Should we get to dun for repayment those parents who demanded special treatment and then produced a non-desirable? Or shall we all just be equals in the workplace regardless of reproductive status?

It’s common knowledge that children get sick. It’s common knowledge that annual leave is finite. Those planning to be parents need to work out their arrangements in advance (take jobs on opposite shifts, hire an au pair, etc.) rather than expect employers and colleagues to pick up the slack.

I’m really not sure why your employer was insistent you use annual leave rather than wfh.

Id be be looking for alternative more family friendly employment. None of my 3 previous employers would have bat an eyelid for me to wfh with a poorly kid. One of them wouldn’t have even expected me to try as they have a sick kids policy and instead I could have taken the day fully paid

Im really surprised at the borderline hostile reponses you’ve had to wfh on here. If your outcomes based (rather than working in call centre etc), you’d be doing the work anyway albeit not on that day.

It’s also common knowledge that people go over and above in their jobs. We’re adults and can be relied upon to pick up the slack the following week surely.

It’s about give and take.

My employers also allow carers leave which I fully support. Is it your opinion that this shouldn’t be offered either because someone should know their elderly mother needs support and should retain some extra leave?

I don’t know whether you are childless or old fashioned, but your view feels short sighted.

Employers have these more progressive policies for a reason - to keep good staff. In outcomes based roles, the work still gets done. employees that are looked after by their employer are happier and more productive.

This thread doesn't seem realistic. All the parents I know can't manage 50/50 as it generally falls on the woman but that's just life. Plus my colleagues and my friends couldn't care what work thinks because your sick child comes first....it's not a national disaster either. If I have to pick up the slack cause my colleague is off at the last minute I just get on with it because we all do it for each other. And in all the jobs I've had I've never had the sense of people taking the piss either.
Oh just for the record CHILDMINDERS WILL NOT TAKE YOUR SICK CHILDREN I get the feeling a lot of these posters are winding you up OP 🤯
I will never hire an emergency nanny to take care of my sick child NEVER that's just strange when you're child needs you. I don't know a single person ever do this. Maybe some wealthier mums who already have a nanny mean the nanny still comes over if child is sick-but that's a completely different scenario !
I think OP posters on here are antagonising you 😏
Definitely as the kids get older then sickness generally gets less

Why is it ‘just life’ that men can’t do 50-50. Is it because they all have ‘big important jobs’ that their wives don’t or is it because they are lazy fuckers?

(most men I know that don’t do their share pretend it’s because of their big important job but it’s because they don’t want to actually parent their children).