Sick kids and work

[wallypops3]

My work situation is that I work Tuesday to Friday and my ds4 goes to preschool on these days. Last week I had to take most of the week off because he had a viral winter bug. Nasty cough, high temperature, generally lethargic and unwell. Just wanted rest and cuddles. On the first day my dh looked after him but he had work commitments for the rest of the week. I took Wednesday and Thursday off. By Friday I thought he’d improved a little so I sent him back to pre school and went to work. Got a call at midday saying his temperature was up again and he was upset so I had to leave work and go collect him.

My workplace doesn’t have a policy for child sickness and I have used up my annual leave (the final two days on the Wed and Thurs last week). When I went back to work today I felt like my boss was a bit short with me and asked how I planned to cover it. I am able to work from home but boss wouldn’t allow it in these circumstances which is fair enough but realistically I’d have been able to get stuff done as he was mostly asleep on the sofa or watching tv. There are far more distractions and chatting in the office to be honest.

Anyway it’s left me feeling a bit down and deflated. We have no family to support us in situations like this and I don’t expect it’s the first and only time he’ll be sick this winter. I don’t take the piss but when my dc is unable to go to childcare what choice do I have? I feel very guilty to my employer but also very guilty for sending dc back to pre school when he clearly wasn’t ready. How do you address this if you don’t have help?

take unpaid parental leave?

Husband has an important job, important meetings, earns a lot more. He should earn enough so you can stay at home with your child, pay into your pension etc.

Unfortunately if your workplace doesn’t have a policy for paid dependents’ leave, you have to take it as unpaid. They can’t limit the number of days you take as unpaid dependents leave as far as I know but they might start to monitor your absence levels.

To those insinuating my dh doesn’t do his share - that isn’t the case at all. But common sense would dictate that if one has an important, pre planned trip in the diary and the other has a free calendar (albeit a working day) you need to prioritise. We are very fair with one another, we have to be because it’s literally just us.

I could definitely have worked from home even if it had meant working into the evening to catch up once ds was in bed. In the office there are endless chats, interruptions and visitors.

I appreciate the legislative advice and the understanding advice. It’s a shit situation to be in and you are always letting someone down whatever option you choose.

I’m not sure on the legalities of it myself but I do know they ask everyone if the other has taken time off. I have seen it being asked in situations like this when one parent (usually mum as most staff are female) are on day 3-4 of asking for carers leave.

@DoBeDoBeDooo

You’re mixing up parental leave with time off for dependents. The first has to be booked in and can be refused but the employer must have good reason and work with you to find an alternative time. Everyone has the right to reasonable time off for dependents which is where OP’s situation fits in

It is absolutely not illegal to ask any parent, male or female who has lots of time off for dependents if they have a partner or family/friends who can support with looking after a child. It’s a perfectly reasonable question for an employer to ask

I get 3 carer’s days per year for these situations. The rest we work between myself and DH as I am part time and he works compressed hours with a day off a week. On the occasions where dc have passed on their illnesses to me and I’ve been sick too, I’ve used sick leave, as looking after a sick child when you’re sick yourself is not easy and work is the last thing on my mind!

I am.often struck by people talking about 'making other arrangements'. Unless you have family prepared to help most people do not have access to anyone who can step in to take care of a sick child. Childminders won't do it. Nannies generally won't either. No one wants to catch a bug from a child. There are often no alternatives available.

You’re not taking the mick at all. Little ones get ill more than adults and you have no other childcare options. It’s completely normal to feel torn, but you’re making the right calls with the situation you’ve got..

As an employer it seems very appropriate to me
I am sympathetic and supportive,but get irritated when some female employees just assume they can get time off every time a child is sick

Time off for dependents is for an emergency situation isn’t it? Was this an emergency?
OP has no leave left. If the child is unwell next week is that also an emergency?

I take a block of unpaid parental leave earlier on in the year so that I have enough annual leave left for any emergencies later on in the year.

it is very much the employers problem as employees are entitled to time off in such cases. Thank goodness there are certain legal protections in place!!!

OP, I usually take unpaid leave or unpaid leave (depending on where in the year I am and how much annual leave I have left).

I would put a bet on the high rate of sick leave being slightly contributed to by mums ringing in sick for themselves rather than their kids and being made to feel like complete shit for simply daring to be a parent x

There are no statutory rights to unlimited time off to look after sick kids

Yes, this is the sort of leave it is intended for wether you like it or not!

No. I am not.

I have copied and pasted the section of the employment act that states that parents are entitled to time off to care for dependents in an emergency, including when they are ill.

It's a statutory entitlement, available to everyone, from day one of employment. It is entirely separate from parental leave, which must be booked in advance and is only available to employees after a year of employment.

I'm not sure how to make this any clearer.

You can be irritated all you like, but you legally can't do a thing about it 😂

What high rate of sick leave? The problem is, if we just leave things as they are then society won’t change will it. Women will still do all the the caring where the men get a free pass. We had a situation about a year ago where someone tried to get carers leave on a night shift because their child was vomiting when her husband was at home but didn’t want to stay up with the child. This is honestly what we’re dealing with. It’s ridiculous. (She did take the night off but carers leave wasn’t granted and it was unpaid).

If your family income is good enough and your boss is asking how you are going to manage it tell her to not pay you for the day. Sometimes you have to pretend you were sick as well just to shut them up. Your kid comes first always and like you said you don't take the piss so considering that your boss shouldn't really be making you feel uncomfortable! And yes your little one will most likely pick another bug up as we haven't even gone into winter yet.
As they get a little older they get sick less
Don't feel bad, in decades to come you probably won't even know your work colleagues.
Where we work husbands are not expected to equally take the time off because it just never happens that way-real life whether anyone likes it or not.

It's very short sighted of your boss to not allow you work from home is a situation like this.

Yes, you may not be as productive, as you'll have a child to check one, but even 50% is better than not at all.

I would raise that point saying if it's not better than you work from home rather than not work at all.

Not really. When poorly they usually just lay about and watch telly. It’s when they’re well that it’s hard work! probably not as productive as usual at work, but certainly not far off the mark (and definitely more productive than being on annual leave!)

We take it in turns to be off with them generally, unless one of us has something super important on in which case we will swap turns. More recently we have even done half a day each when DD was off for a day as I had important stuff in the morning and my wife had important stuff on in the afternoon, we swapped at lunch time. Not sure if you are in a position to share the load more evenly?

ETA - you or your husband could also utilise this: https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave I know it’s unpaid but it does mean they could be less pissy about it and you can have the week off without that pressure to rush them back. Obviously not all the time due to the financial implication (I appreciate not everyone can afford a week unpaid) but it’s worth knowing about if you don’t already!

Slight tangent, but DH will do most of our emergency time off for the kids, partly because it pisses of his misogynist boss who seemingly lives in the dark ages. It pays to treat your employees with a bit of humanity.

In contrast, my boss couldn't care less where or how I work. As long as the work's being done on time and to a decent quality, why does it matter?! In return, I'll happily work a little unpaid overtime now and again when needed.

I think most employers forget it's a two way street.

It depends on what they're ill with, surely. You're not going to get much done with a young child who has a stomach bug or is crying with a headache or fever.