Sick kids and work

[wallypops3]

My work situation is that I work Tuesday to Friday and my ds4 goes to preschool on these days. Last week I had to take most of the week off because he had a viral winter bug. Nasty cough, high temperature, generally lethargic and unwell. Just wanted rest and cuddles. On the first day my dh looked after him but he had work commitments for the rest of the week. I took Wednesday and Thursday off. By Friday I thought he’d improved a little so I sent him back to pre school and went to work. Got a call at midday saying his temperature was up again and he was upset so I had to leave work and go collect him.

My workplace doesn’t have a policy for child sickness and I have used up my annual leave (the final two days on the Wed and Thurs last week). When I went back to work today I felt like my boss was a bit short with me and asked how I planned to cover it. I am able to work from home but boss wouldn’t allow it in these circumstances which is fair enough but realistically I’d have been able to get stuff done as he was mostly asleep on the sofa or watching tv. There are far more distractions and chatting in the office to be honest.

Anyway it’s left me feeling a bit down and deflated. We have no family to support us in situations like this and I don’t expect it’s the first and only time he’ll be sick this winter. I don’t take the piss but when my dc is unable to go to childcare what choice do I have? I feel very guilty to my employer but also very guilty for sending dc back to pre school when he clearly wasn’t ready. How do you address this if you don’t have help?

My work would allow emergency leave for a first day but would expect people to have sorted contingency care for subsequent days.

Bluntly women taking the brunt of these sick days etc is the reason why unofficially women with young kids can struggle with getting promotions etc

I am just explaining what the law says. I don’t make the rules. All I am saying is that unpaid time off for dependants cannot be used to cover multiple days of child sickness. If employees don’t have anyone else to look after the ill child they need to take another type of leave - holiday, compassionate / carers leave if the employer offers that (it’s not a legal right) or discretionary unpaid leave.

There’s no need to be so aggressive. No-one is saying a sick child should be left at home alone, just that unpaid time off for dependants is not for this situation. Employees who have no back up (other parent/ family member / friend / nanny) will need to take a different type of leave (annual leave, carers leave if offered, work half days and take the rest as annual leave, discretionary unpaid leave) to cover multiple days of sickness.

It’s really hard to manage as an employee, especially as ill children usually just want their mum, but from the employer’s perspective they cannot support several employees taking multiple “extra” days off per year because their child catches lots of bugs.

No it's not actually (apart from the flexible working request part, which is quite ridiculous and I'd just not answer).

Staff in my team can WFH in this situation. No they won’t get as much done, but I remember how difficult it is and we are very flexible about this kind of thing. Not least because my ex and I once had to cover 5wks with 2 kids off school and nursery as they contracted E-coli from a local farm so were banned on public health grounds until 2 negative tests, which took 5wks. This was 16yrs ago, and I didn’t WFH then. My ex and I had to take alternative days and sometimes I went in for a few hours early evening.

I thought companies had to allow unpaid leave for this kind of thing? We had no local family either and I ended up covering most of the later years as my ex worked overseas but once we got laptops it was easier. I’d point out the work you did get done and ask to make up the hours. You do need to share with your DH and not make out his job is more important as your employer won’t take well to that. I do think they are a little unfair not allowing you to do some hours from home, given most sick kids are asleep next to you or watching a movie etc.

When you have no family nearby, where are you meant to get childcare from for a sick child? I could have had 2wks notice my child was sick and I still couldn’t magic up a relative willing to care for them. Thankfully my employer was understanding.

I agree some posters have been unkind but I and others are just trying to explain what the law says (I am an employment lawyer). I know it is hard finding cover as I have kids too - I am just saying that one poster in particular, who is presenting unpaid time off for dependants as some kind of “gotcha”, is wrong. It is no good OP storming into her manager demanding a kind of leave for which she does not qualify - better to have a grown up discussion about making up time in the evening, using holiday, taking discretionary unpaid leave etc., as other posters have suggested.

If the manager is not open to that kind of discussion OP needs to look into alternatives such as emergency nannies, her DH taking more time off or possibly looking for a new job which is more flexible, as this won’t be the only time her child will get ill.

You are incorrect i'm afraid. You need to read up on what parental leave is and how it works.

We pay a neighbour and a nanny.
We can't work from home. If we stayed home on all sick days we would be fired. We can't afford that. Most people are easy to replace at the moment.

She has to organise care. Paid for if necessary, or come to a better arrangement with the dad that the share this 50/50 regardless of meetings. Women cannot ask for equality in the workplace but then also ask for special treatment due to being maternal toward a sick child, which is apparently more compelling for women than men. It is not the employers problem to solve. I'm a SP working full time. It's v tough but unless and until the law changes, that's where we are. I'm not sure what people want from employers? Open ended indefinite paid leave?

Are you suggesting both parents shouldn't be responsible for their child?
(Assuming they don't ask if other parent is, for example, dead.)

@wallypops3could you make up the hours before Christmas by doing longer days?

you couldn’t do it too much, but could you say you are sick yourself the next time?

When does your holiday year restart? When you have young kids you do have to plan to save some annual leave for exactly this and you can't expect your employer to tolerate you doing 90% of it & your husband doing very little. Its not their problem your husband has a better paid job, they have an employee who has 50-50 responsibility for a child, not 90-10.

Have you got AL saved for christmas? Ask to take a week of unpaid parental leave then so that you have the AL spare for kids illness.

She has to organise care.Paid for if necessary

To be fair to op - this is near impossible. Most babysitters, nurseries, childminders, schools, and elderly grandparents won't agree to care for a sick child.

It can a real nightmare when you have to work and no one will look after your vomiting child except you.

Dad needs to share the load though.

The ops husband needs to take equal time off.
I see this time and time again where mothers say their oh is far too important to take time off. Yet these same women wonder why they are not progressing up the career ladder at the same speed as men.
Men absolutely need to step up.
I’m all for flexibility in the workplace but often you just can’t work from home or take time off. NHS employees, dentists, school staff, prison staff, firefighters, police officers spring to mind off the top of my head. Train drivers, train guards. All these jobs require the employee there, in person. Look at the impact of taking time off.

We get 5 days of dependents leave at work. With two children I used mine up quickly so I alternate between annual leave or making up the time (and splitting with DH).

You have to pay for it. There are childcare agencies who will look after sick children, or you network and find a local babysitter or student etc. and pay them
a premium for doing it.

It sucks and of course it’s not always possible but an employer can’t be expected to just give parents unlimited days off because their kids are sick.

I work for a very flexible employer. We are very much of the opinion that if your work gets done, it doesn’t matter how or when you get there. If we need to go to appointments, no drama. Child at home sick, no drama just get done what you can from home.
There doesn’t need to be drama and micromanaging like some companies give. Treat people like grown ups and you’ll find they’ll work pretty hard.
I certainly have found I’m more productive at home with a sick child as they’ll fall asleep on the sofa and I don’t have any of the usual distractions of the office to slow me down.

Well no-one would have looked after my kids infected with e-coli for 5wks.

I assume you don’t have children and presumably live in a big city where these agencies actually exist? I’m also guessing money isn’t an issue for you either. Your posts on this thread are so far removed from the reality of parenting and very insensitive to the fact that everyone’s circumstances are different.

Agree. We are reasonably flexible, but because we are often the least route of resistance, the other parent then doesn't even ask. It's not necessarily the dad, it depends on the employer. We will say, can your wife/family etc help, what part of this are they sharing? Because otherwise by trying to be a good flexible employer, we get the whole hit every time.

I really do feel like I’m banging my head against a wall with some of these comments regarding dh not sharing the load. I’ve explained in depth, twice the reasoning for last week. He took one day, I took two then I was the one who had to go collect ds on the Friday because dh was in a different county.

Are people really suggesting that if you had a clear work day and your dh was stacked out with meetings, you’d make him cancel them in the name of equality and being ‘fair’?

Also the elusive agencies that care for sick children do not exist in my area. I’m a little bemused how they work to be honest.

Why is it far from reality to suggest that childcare needs to be budgeted for? It’s sadly a fact. It’s true that it is very difficult to pay for as hoc nannying on top of crazy high nursery fees, that families are stretched to their limits, and that there should be better support, but that’s not the case, so paying and budgeting for your childcare IS the reality.