Sick kids and work

[wallypops3]

My work situation is that I work Tuesday to Friday and my ds4 goes to preschool on these days. Last week I had to take most of the week off because he had a viral winter bug. Nasty cough, high temperature, generally lethargic and unwell. Just wanted rest and cuddles. On the first day my dh looked after him but he had work commitments for the rest of the week. I took Wednesday and Thursday off. By Friday I thought he’d improved a little so I sent him back to pre school and went to work. Got a call at midday saying his temperature was up again and he was upset so I had to leave work and go collect him.

My workplace doesn’t have a policy for child sickness and I have used up my annual leave (the final two days on the Wed and Thurs last week). When I went back to work today I felt like my boss was a bit short with me and asked how I planned to cover it. I am able to work from home but boss wouldn’t allow it in these circumstances which is fair enough but realistically I’d have been able to get stuff done as he was mostly asleep on the sofa or watching tv. There are far more distractions and chatting in the office to be honest.

Anyway it’s left me feeling a bit down and deflated. We have no family to support us in situations like this and I don’t expect it’s the first and only time he’ll be sick this winter. I don’t take the piss but when my dc is unable to go to childcare what choice do I have? I feel very guilty to my employer but also very guilty for sending dc back to pre school when he clearly wasn’t ready. How do you address this if you don’t have help?

You need to educate yourself.
OP's situation is NOT an emergency. She can take the leave to collect her child but then she should go back to work. That she has no back up plan for care when her child is ill does not entitle her to emergency leave.

Absolutely this is a problem, but I don't think employees should have to accommodate parents who have used all their leave. There needs to be some rules.

bangs head against a brick wall

Legally, it is. Literally gives illness as the very first example in the employment rights act:

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1996/18/section/57A

So what are you basing this on? Cos legally, you are wrong.

So I collect my child then what? Leave them alone and go back to work? Take them to the office with me? I can’t magic childcare out of my behind.

So what should they do?

People have little choice. They can't leave their child alone. More flexibility in terms of working from home would be a good start.

I work in the NHS also and most Trusts have a carers leave policy to support unforseen circumstances.
Ime there are people who will abuse the system but for the majority it works
I sympathesise with you OP but I think it's reasonable that you have some sort of backup plan. I don't say that lightly and there is a major difference between those who have family support and those who don't.
Chilldren will inevitably get sick and be unable to go to school.
I feel that you should talk to your manager re potential future options.
Take care OP

Its none of their business though.

Agree with this.
Obviously it’s harder to work with a 3yo at home than without, but it’s still possible to get some work done and therefore net contribution is greater than not working at all.

you have my sympathies ! My children are teens now however it was always very difficult when they were sick when young. My husband and I would both keep some annual leave to use and then decide who had the most pressing work priorities at the time. We did use unpaid leave also as realistically there isn’t any choice when they can’t attends school or nursery, there was sometimes flexibility to work at home or in evenings to make the time up when my husband was home.
To be honest it was really just a kind of muddle through these years, it’s stressful and a horrible feeling of trying to split yourself in two. Obviously your sick child is priority but you then feel guilty towards work
Sorry no real help but just wanted to empathise x

Wrong thread!

As an employer it seems very appropriate to me
I am sympathetic and supportive,but get irritated when some female employees just assume they can get time off every time a child is sick

So what do you expect them to do when their child is sick? Leave the sick child home alone?

It’s unreasonable that you aren’t allowed to work from home.

They’re not saying that they leave the child home alone- they’re saying that if the child has a dad, maybe he occasionally takes a day off too. Don’t see why that’s unreasonable.

Your boss is a prick. As a person without children I accept that my colleagues who have kids will sometimes have to look after them when they're ill - that's part of living in a society, not a personal failing on their part. Sometimes it's about cover, sometimes people make up the time in the evening - I find people are much happier to go the extra mile for the company and for one another if they don't feel micromanaged or treated like naughty kids.

How is it not an emergency? A phonecall from nursery on a Friday lunchtime when she felt her child was well enough to be back in?

I'd love to know what people expect parents to do in this situation. You're not going to leave an ill, probably upset three year old with someone they don't know (i.e. a random babysitter). You can't ask grandparents because you don't want to make elderly people ill. If they're not elderly they're probably still working themselves.

There isn't a ready supply of fit, healthy people who are doing nothing on a weekday and would be willing to look after a sick child.

We paid for what my then manager called Rolls Royce childcare…essentially a shared nanny so she would have them if unwell. She had them when they had chickenpox, being sick, the lot. They adore her, almost as good as an extra parent. and we still use her 12 years later.

agree - literally no one’s business. Because then the other poster is saying, single mums can be with their sick kids 100% of the time but not the ones with husbands. How about me who has a wife, who would I get to care for my sick child without taking women out of the workforce…

As a manager I'd expect my team to take unpaid leave in this situation

I think I’d be looking in to a nanny that could cover sickness. In an ideal world the DH and you would split 50/50. But from bitter experience they quite often are in a different country or have an important conference blah blah.

Don’t do what I did which is throw the towel in. The nursery sickness was relentless. DH worked away all the time and I had a very unsympathetic boss…I thought times had changed a bit. There was no working from home in those days..

If the company are so short sighted and unsympathetic then would moving to a different company work?

Unpaid time off is NOT to care for dependants when they are ill. It is to cover emergencies and organise care. Essentially, the amount of time off should be the time taken to arrange care for the dependant. So, elderly father has a heart attack - the day he is rushed to hospital is an emergency. The day he is discharged is not. The employee can use unpaid leave for dependants to arrange nursing care but not to provide care themselves for several days. Nursery calls at lunchtime to say child is sick - it’s reasonable to take the rest of that day off an unpaid leave. However the employee should have cover from the next day.

https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

which states
Example
If your child falls ill you could take time off to go to the doctor and make care arrangements.

and https://www.tuc.org.uk/workplace-guidance/family-friendly-work/time-sick-children-and-dependents

You have the right to take reasonable time off as dependants’ leave to deal with an emergency involving your child if he or she is ill and you need time to make arrangements for their care.

OP says she cannot make arrangements for her child's care - there is no one.

But it is a real issue that in many families there are women taking all of the carers leave and their husbands/ partners who could share the load don’t bother at all. Of course single parents have to do it themselves (if the other parent isn’t around also providing care) and in same sex relationships the same applies as above surely? It should be shared where possible.

It just feels like from threads like this like so many people are happy to give men a free pass to not so their share when many could do so much more.

I had a similar situation the other week (sounds like the same virus to be honest!) and I took 2 half days off and worked the other half from home. This meant I could get some things done and keep my meeting commitments but gave me some flexibility. The half days I worked I worked in chunks when DS was napping or watching a film. Not ideal but it is what it is. Are you sure your boss wouldn’t allow you to do anything at all? In the past I’ve done catch up calls with people and taken DS out in the pushchair- being creative to manage as best as possible. My work would rather I did something than nothing as illness isn’t planned and organised like holiday so usually someone else would have to cover or suffer if I just wasn’t there at short notice.

Like you DH and I share the load, he is the higher earner and has the more responsible job and this time he had commitments so I dealt with it, but that’s not always the case.