Sick kids and work

[wallypops3]

My work situation is that I work Tuesday to Friday and my ds4 goes to preschool on these days. Last week I had to take most of the week off because he had a viral winter bug. Nasty cough, high temperature, generally lethargic and unwell. Just wanted rest and cuddles. On the first day my dh looked after him but he had work commitments for the rest of the week. I took Wednesday and Thursday off. By Friday I thought he’d improved a little so I sent him back to pre school and went to work. Got a call at midday saying his temperature was up again and he was upset so I had to leave work and go collect him.

My workplace doesn’t have a policy for child sickness and I have used up my annual leave (the final two days on the Wed and Thurs last week). When I went back to work today I felt like my boss was a bit short with me and asked how I planned to cover it. I am able to work from home but boss wouldn’t allow it in these circumstances which is fair enough but realistically I’d have been able to get stuff done as he was mostly asleep on the sofa or watching tv. There are far more distractions and chatting in the office to be honest.

Anyway it’s left me feeling a bit down and deflated. We have no family to support us in situations like this and I don’t expect it’s the first and only time he’ll be sick this winter. I don’t take the piss but when my dc is unable to go to childcare what choice do I have? I feel very guilty to my employer but also very guilty for sending dc back to pre school when he clearly wasn’t ready. How do you address this if you don’t have help?

It's not always a case of they think they are more important it's not always that. If my husband did 50/50 with sick kids his boss would simply get rid of him and hire someone else and we would not be able to pay the mortgage, that would be extremely stressful. It's not that simple as go work for someone else-its not always as simple or even works out that way.
This might not be popular but I don't care as it's the truth....but I would rather be home if my kids are that unwell they need to miss nursery. I have a good job too and an important one too. But I also am a good worker and my boss and colleagues appreciate that. Equally I pick up the slack when others are off at short notice whether or not it's childcare related-makes no difference. We all help each other.

Why is it that your DH lose his job but you wouldn’t? Would his female colleagues lose their jobs?

Sounds like a convenient bunch of bullshit that means your husband doesn’t have to deal with sick days.

It's not for me to answer why he would lose his job or explain why his boss wouldn't have it-thats the reality of it-not saying I agree or necessarily like it ! And as already said I would prefer to be with my child if they are unwell. Everyone's situation is different. No I wouldn't lose my job. It's not convenient bullshit, perhaps your work environment is different to mine. We are all very supportive of each other where I am-so am very lucky in that regard. But I understand not everyone has that same set up in work.

I cannot believe that in 2025 some people still think it is ‘just life’ that women have to do more than men in this or any other area

Of course you’re free not to answer and therefore other people are free to think your husband is pulling your leg.

Hehehe no it's not that, not to disappoint you but I love extra time off work and I get paid he doesn't so I also like the money sorry...not sorry 😃

I bet your colleagues love you and your attitude when they’re covering.

Yes we all cover for each other ! No one takes the piss either. Everyone's very happy. Most of the time you are not even having to cover for someone else anyway. It's not a given that it has to always directly affect the others !

We have a couple of people who are in our office who are off frequently due to child illness (they both have three children so it soon adds up). I'm afraid to say that nobody relies on them and when a meeting is mentioned someone will roll their eyes if they are booked in to attend. I hate to say it but I understand why woman with children struggle to get a job or advance in their career.

Isn’t it odd how only men seem to work for these companies.

A three year old who is tired / sleepy and just laid on the sofa is easy to watch while wfh, you sit on the sofa with your laptop and head set on and put on the TV.

I suppose women should just stop having children then. Or stop trying to work. Illness is par for the course with kids and in the absence of family support it’s really very hard to mitigate this.

Im lucky that my team is made up of a lot of mums who go through the same issues. Our boss might be a bit of a dick but I’m confident nobody in my team eye rolls at me. That doesn’t sound like a nice culture within your team.

I understand and I feel for you - it's hard!
We would have definitely done the same in your shoes. Whoever had the least workload would take the time off.
We have 3dc although eldest two can stay at home on their own now for a bit but a few years ago, it felt like carnage at times. I definitely pissed my boss off, as like you at times, I was the better parent to take time off. Sometimes dh was a few hours drive away, sometimes a flight and we are on our own too with no support. I took a lot of the time off as unpaid. I would rather get sacked from my job than put my child with someone they don't know, who I don't know and with someone that I couldn't guarantee would look after my ill child how I would look after them.
I also understand you saying that sometimes you don't even want dh to look after them, I'm completely the same. My children, my responsibility!

It may be much easier for people who have lots of support to keep ferrying their children to any Tom, dick and Harry but I think that if you are navigating parenthood with just the two parents, you become accustomed to dealing with everything. My kids are far more important than my job.

@AgnesMcDoowhy is it inappropriate to ask if a Dad can look after his children? Children are begat by a man and woman? Why should the cash strapped NHS carry contributions of both parents? If there is a sensitive issue like the Dad has died or is ill or in prison the Manager may well already know.

We don't have this at all in our office ! We also have people that need to take days off at short notice and they don't have kids and all is okay. I am so glad I don't work in a place that is described by a lot of resentful posters on here. I have honestly been very blessed with work and colleagues !

We had this and just gradually got away from hiring parents or anyone who seemed likely to soon become. It’s all very subtle and under the radar but we have a mostly middle aged team now and it’s much fairer to all of us.

I find that hard to hear, as someone who has been with the same company for 12 years. I started aged 24 and have had one child at aged 34 and am now 36. I’ve had five days sick in the last 12 years but this year I’ve had to take 5 days (annual leave) last minute to look after my little boy. I had pneumonia in February and still worked from home despite feeling like actual death. It’s really disappointing how I’ve been treated the last 12 months for having to take time off to look after my little boy (evenly split with his dad). My partner has been able to take time off, no questions asked, fully paid. I’ve been made to feel like a burden to the company and that I’ve taken the job my maternity cover would have been happy to keep. I do think companies need to do better when it comes to working mums - unfortunately in todays society not many can afford to be stay at home parents.

And someone could read this and conclude that you had 10 years to set things up so you could keep your commitment to your employer without disruption, by having a nanny, child minder etc on call, or by working opposite shifts to your husband, having an au pair or whatever. Why should the employer and co workers be the ones to take the hit?

I mean in that case only the rich can have children and working class can’t reproduce or have to stay poor enough to qualify for benefits. It took me ten years to get a mortgage deposit 😂

I know multiple not-rich couples who choose to work opposite shifts (and planned their careers accordingly) in order to minimize childcare issues.

I had my sick two year old home last week so I worked from home. My employers aren't arseholes
who expect us to conjure childcare for an infectious child or use up annual leave.

I know one couple where the husband works nights (7-7) as a railway technician. There is no way he’s doing that shift, a full days childcare and then going back to work - he’d have to be awake for 36 hours. If the child is sick one of them takes annual leave - same as my partner and me in our office jobs.

Like most working mums I am paying for childcare and have grandparents help as a back up when they possibly can, but when your child is sick there isn’t much you can do. I’m happy to take annual leave/ unpaid leave. In 252 working days I expect to take 5 as annual leave for child sickness and am being told it’s my fault for not having a nanny. If I did have a nanny and she was sick, would it be my fault for not paying for a back up one?

Im so pleased to see there are some understanding employers out there!

Annual leave is for addressing personal needs, be that a week in Paris or a sick kid.

@CheeseIsMyIdolhow do you work that out when you have school aged children and limited AL?

The system isn't designed for two working parents or single parents. Fortunately many employers understand that life happens and don't expect you to use a precious day of leave, especially when you have a sick child who will mostly snooze / watch tv while you crack on with work nearby.

I would NEVER in a million years organise my life to work opposite shifts to my husband just to satisfy random anonymous women on Mumsnet. No way. But if that suits some people then that's fine.
I would also not pay for a nanny I can't afford just to be able to go to work when my kids are sick.
Everyone's situation is different, if my kids are unwell then I will be off work ...end of discussion ! And no I do not have a bad reputation in the office believe it or not I perform really well and help out my teammates cover for them when they are also off-which is not always child related.
I honestly think going by a lot of responses on here that there are a number of women that absolutely resent other women taking more time off than their husband does for child sickness. Or maybe there's some resentment because they can't themselves ?
I dunno we are extremely lucky where we work that we don't get any of the responses that have been put out on this thread. THANK GOD !!!!