Sick kids and work

[wallypops3]

My work situation is that I work Tuesday to Friday and my ds4 goes to preschool on these days. Last week I had to take most of the week off because he had a viral winter bug. Nasty cough, high temperature, generally lethargic and unwell. Just wanted rest and cuddles. On the first day my dh looked after him but he had work commitments for the rest of the week. I took Wednesday and Thursday off. By Friday I thought he’d improved a little so I sent him back to pre school and went to work. Got a call at midday saying his temperature was up again and he was upset so I had to leave work and go collect him.

My workplace doesn’t have a policy for child sickness and I have used up my annual leave (the final two days on the Wed and Thurs last week). When I went back to work today I felt like my boss was a bit short with me and asked how I planned to cover it. I am able to work from home but boss wouldn’t allow it in these circumstances which is fair enough but realistically I’d have been able to get stuff done as he was mostly asleep on the sofa or watching tv. There are far more distractions and chatting in the office to be honest.

Anyway it’s left me feeling a bit down and deflated. We have no family to support us in situations like this and I don’t expect it’s the first and only time he’ll be sick this winter. I don’t take the piss but when my dc is unable to go to childcare what choice do I have? I feel very guilty to my employer but also very guilty for sending dc back to pre school when he clearly wasn’t ready. How do you address this if you don’t have help?

Listen - on some level I completely agree IF that’s what the woman wants too. However if mum wants to be with her sick kids, that’s also her right.

The OP hasn’t insinuated at all that her husband isn’t hands on, he took the first day? Perhaps the nursery are at fault for calling mum instead of dad for all we know? I just find it a wild argument based around ‘having loads of female employees’ and perhaps your trust needs to look at diversifying its demographic.

We both have busy jobs so whenever one of us is unavailable when we drop off we would say ‘I’m working away today so phone my wife if any issues’ or whatever.

So where does this magical next day cover come from?

I do agree that there won’t be many men having conversations like this.

The whole of society needs to change.

She says "By Friday I thought he’d improved a little so I sent him back to pre school". Not really the same as well enough to be back.

I don't know what people do - it stinks, but that doesn't change what the current employments laws are.

Legitimte reasons for absence:

Sickness
Annual Leave
Compassionate leave (depending on contract)
Mat/Pat
Parental Leave (13 weeks until child's 18th birthday, requestedbin advance and in one week blocks - unpaid)
Unpaid leave

If none of the others apply, it's unpaid leave.

When my DC were little, I was alwayd in before my start time and left about 30/45 minutes after and did more work than anyone else. When the DC were ill, it was never a problem. One shitty manager when DD smashed her leg and DH's father dropped dead. If they hadn't been sponsoring my professional quals, that I wanted, I'd have told her to stick the job where the sun didn't shine. 9 months later the board had worked her out and she was toast. I had little sympathy.

I think some poster also fail to understand that the options and the situation is very different if it's an ill parent for whom the working mum wouldn't have parental responsibility and that it is a very different situation of your young child, for which you have parental responsibility is ill.

This is Mumsnet at its best again: women having goes at another woman on a support forum for women/mums for taking time off to care for a young ill child. It has turned into quite a shit show... Nasty Net strikes again .

I have to the unpaid leave

Not really.
The law is what it is.
Are we meant to encourage OP to just take all the time she wants off work?
I am sure we are all sympathetic, and many of us have walked in her shoes. The system and society needs to change, but until it does, it is not nasty to point out that OP does not have a right to a day off in this situation.

Ok so you are saying op has no right to stay off in this situation so what would you suggest she does with her sick child?

She does have the right to stay off, unpaid. She also has a contract of employment that undoubtedly states that she gets money in return for work rendered.

Not true.

Employment tribunals have repeatedly demonstrated the law explicitly considers caring for children when they are ill as reasonable, and covered, provided it is for an acute condition and not an ongoing chronic illness they could reasonably have predicted.

It’s so hard! Since October my little boy has had a sickness bug, a bad virus, hand foot and mouth and then a nasty cold with temperature. I’ve taken two days annual leave, my partner has taken four and we’ve been able to get grandparents to help on a couple of days too. My manager has been unpleasant about it to put it mildly. I’ve made it clear my partner has taken the bulk of the time and he still acts like I’m cheating the company (by using my annual leave and working late the night before to make sure there is nothing to handover!). Today he called me and gave me a lecture on making sure my little boy is wearing a coat and hat as he “doesn’t want anymore sickness”. I told him I know how to dress my child but can’t help the fact he is at nursery three days a week mixing with other children. He now wants me to complain to the nursery about other children going in when sick 😂

I have no suggestions. I don’t make or apply the law.

If you have ran out of annual leave you will have to take the time off as unpaid leave or offer to make up the time by working a Monday, there is nothing else you can do.

Well yes, she does. she can take a few days off in fact. I hope you can find some sleep tonight over this reality. It really seems to bug you.

You don't the foggiest clue about the law, sorry. Maybe find someone else to bully instead of posting misinformation and nauseum.

You're allowed up to two weeks unpaid parental leave if in the UK so your boss is being a twat if that's the case.

We also have no back up, and we wouldn’t send a sick child to grandparents anyway tbh as that’s not very fair on them. We both take time off equally for DCs sickness. Anything other than 50/50 isn’t fair on each others workplaces. Fair enough your DH had a work trip but next sickness he does the majority and you make it clear to your boss that’s what the plan is for next time. Your work will get annoyed quite quickly if they think your the one doing the majority share of sickness, no one minds if you’re trying your best and things can’t be helped but most don’t take kindly if it’s an unfair split.

OP, all parents are entitled to parental leave, yes it’s unpaid but it will allow you a week off every year until your child is 18. Failing that just pull a sickie next time- youve tried to do the ‘right thing’ and have been thought of no better by work! I’ve been in similar situations over the years and know what a juggle it is x

The temptation is to call in sick yourself. It baffles me that employers are so short sighted about this- you could have a day off sick, or do your best while your child slept. I know what I would rather have my team do.

You aren’t in the wrong OP and you’re not alone. There are loads of us who have no one else to call - that’s why we pay an eye watering amount of money for childcare. Honestly, what else are you meant to do? Where are all these people lining up to look after our sick children?

Edit to add - this is the law https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants. You did nothing wrong as far as I can see. You cannot magic up help and care that doesn’t exist. I think they’d have a hard time proving otherwise.

Where is she taking the child once collected ? Back to work with her? Your being ridiculous. Assuming you don’t have children so don’t have a clue how it works

and meanwhile in the real world….

... But bet he'd be quite happy for you to send yours in sick 😂

Offer to take it unpaid?