Sick kids and work

[wallypops3]

My work situation is that I work Tuesday to Friday and my ds4 goes to preschool on these days. Last week I had to take most of the week off because he had a viral winter bug. Nasty cough, high temperature, generally lethargic and unwell. Just wanted rest and cuddles. On the first day my dh looked after him but he had work commitments for the rest of the week. I took Wednesday and Thursday off. By Friday I thought he’d improved a little so I sent him back to pre school and went to work. Got a call at midday saying his temperature was up again and he was upset so I had to leave work and go collect him.

My workplace doesn’t have a policy for child sickness and I have used up my annual leave (the final two days on the Wed and Thurs last week). When I went back to work today I felt like my boss was a bit short with me and asked how I planned to cover it. I am able to work from home but boss wouldn’t allow it in these circumstances which is fair enough but realistically I’d have been able to get stuff done as he was mostly asleep on the sofa or watching tv. There are far more distractions and chatting in the office to be honest.

Anyway it’s left me feeling a bit down and deflated. We have no family to support us in situations like this and I don’t expect it’s the first and only time he’ll be sick this winter. I don’t take the piss but when my dc is unable to go to childcare what choice do I have? I feel very guilty to my employer but also very guilty for sending dc back to pre school when he clearly wasn’t ready. How do you address this if you don’t have help?

Why is it inappropriate. Obviously if there isn’t a second parent then they don’t ask- but why should the mum be the one who takes all the time off (and her employer take the brunt of it). Something culturally has to change to stop these lazy men with ‘important jobs’ from not doing their share.

Probably illegal too.

Well, yes, technically, but she could have asked her DH to collect knowing she'd already taken two days off with her DS.

“DH had work committments the rest of the week”.

Well so did you!

You both have to share the burden. Unpaid leave. Unfortunately kids. cost money for people who work.

We allow a certain number of days for looking after ill children, then it would be unpaid.

Parental leave is not a legal right and normally has to be booked in advance in blocks of a week. OP can’t just take time off when her child is sick.

You can argue that all you want but it’s still an emergency

Parental leave is a legal right but doesn’t apply in this situation.

So what’s the alternative? They take the situation into consideration so if he’s a surgeon, soldier, working in court (and all the other jobs then it’s fine) but so many people just default to the mum doing it all when dad could easily take an equal share. Why shouldn’t they push back on this?

An emergency that she didn't need to cover.

Parents need to split leave when children are sick - it's not for the OP and her employer to shoulder the entire burden because her DH has "commitments".

Nope. That's not how parental leave works at all.

Sure, collecting the child might be regarded as an emergency (though clearly in this case the child went back too soon cos OP had no leave left). In any case she should have returned to work when alternative care was in place. But she doesn’t have a back up. That’s not an emergency.

Actually, yes she can. There's a legal entitlement to have time off to care for dependents in an emergency. Her employer doesn't have to pay her for it, but they can't refuse it either.

Employment Rights Act 1996

57A Time off for dependants.

(1) An employee is entitled to be permitted by his employer to take a reasonable amount of time off during the employee’s working hours in order to take action which is necessary—

(a) to provide assistance on an occasion when a dependant falls ill, gives birth or is injured or assaulted.

Employers have no right to enquire about this. As another poster has said it’s illegal too. It will breach the equality act.

im not defending feckless men but it’s none of the employers business

Apologies, you’re correct (that it’s a legal right)

Yep, exactly.

I stand corrected on parental leave being a legal right, but it is still not appropriate in this situation. Parental leave isn’t for emergencies.

Yes, in an emergency until you can get other arrangements in place - you don't have the right to just take unlimited time off with your child without consequence.

Sorry you had a bad week OP. It happens. Your boss was being a prick. In my workplace, we also have to use annual leave. If you’re out of leave, you could request unpaid dependents leave. Maybe in your next 1:1, you could talk to him about how to approach this in future. E.g. you will share with DH as much as possible, and you will only suggest WFH if your child is quiet, and you will update him at the end of the day on what work you have completed.
If it makes you feel any better, we go have parents nearby but I would say they can only help with sickness 20% of the time. I dont want to pass on flu or D&V so it is really only the odd recovery day they help with.
This phase will pass, hang in there, and hold your head high as I’m sure you do a good job at work 90% of the time. Parents with young children are often singled out as unreliable because of sickness but I’ve noticed that my younger and older colleagues tend to take just as much time off for their own sickness ir other family drama.

yes of course parents should split it.

but that’s still none of the employers business so in this case - call from nursery requiring collection of sick child and no alternative in place - that’s an emergency and covered by emergency leave for dependents unpaid.

the law doesn’t cover whether both parents pull their weight or not

I use the sitters.co.uk website to book for cover. Obviously you have to pay, but it’s got me out of a couple of scrapes

It's not parental leave, that's something different entirely.

We're talking about time off to care for dependents when they're ill, which is written into the employment rights act and has successfully been defended in numerous tribunals.

Your employer needs to give you reasonable time off for dependents. It will be unpaid but you’re right if you’ve no childcare then you’ve not really got a choice. Really though, you and your husband should have shared it, I’m the higher earner but DH and I take it in turns when these situations occur. If it is you taking the bulk and it were to happen fairly often, then your employer may say that it is not a reasonable amount of time off

Possibly also illegal? Is it not gender discrimination against women? Do they ask dads that question??

This is something I worry about!
I’ve got a new baby. My boyfriend and I have said when I’m back in work and he’s at nursery, when things like this happen we’ll do 50/50. I’m nervous though as I’ma teacher and when mums and dads in school have had to take time off for such children, our Head has made them feel awful for it. I’m not sure what our policy on this is, but I will find out soon. But it sounds as though we get to go and be with our child, but are then made to feel like s as terrible person because of it!