To think there’s something special about my child?

[FallDayAllDay]

I will begin by saying my child can be a real challenge to parent. She is strong willed, determined, likes to be in control of her own day etc. All can be qualities, but can be really tricky in a world where we have places to be and a schedule to stick to. And when she is unhappy, she can be quite turbulent.

DD is 8, and much though she is tricky, she amazes me in equal measure. For example. She got given some wool and knitting needles from a family member when she was 6. She asked me if I would teach her to use them. I said I would but that first I would need to learn how to use them myself. Within a week, she had grown impatient. She took the iPad and searched for tutorials. She came downstairs and had knitted about 15 rows of a scarf, pretty perfectly. This is one of many stories. She has taught herself to play two instruments. She has determination like I have never seen. She will sit for hours until she masters something. Her stamina is incredible, but that’s when it’s something of her own choosing.

At school, she moves between expected and greater depth. By no means the smartest kid in the class, but she is the youngest in her class and each year, seems to move higher. She completes her homework each week, as soon as she gets home on the day the homework is handed out. She has written books of multiple chapters in length. She loves to perform and has carried out solo performances in front of around 250 people, without so much as a butterfly in her stomach. She is funny and sensitive, she has fire in her belly and never gives up.

I know this post sounds braggy, I really don’t mean for it to be. I just sometimes worry that I don’t quite know how to nurture her best. I feel like she always wants to do more, learn more and know more and I’m somehow limiting her by my lack of knowledge, skills and finances to give her all the tuition that she would just revel in. I feel like the life I give her is quite a dull one when she is so vibrant.

Maybe I just see her as exceptional because she’s my child, and I’m programmed to feel that way. I just think the sky could be the limit for her, but I am somehow not going to be able to give her the opportunities that she could have if I were smarter, or more financially secure.

so..... what's your question?

Just let her be a kid and be happy.

Most parents feel this way about their own child.

Without sounding horrible we all feel like that about our children. She sounds like a great kid though

She sounds very clever and you sound very proud ❤️

It sounds like whatever you're doing is just right for her, so carry on like that.

If you try too hard her natural relationship with the world might change.

I would just carry on as you are, encouraging her, being impressed by her etc. She sounds very driven and focused, which I think will bode well for her if it continues past her teens. Every successful person I know has that kind of energy and drive and it sounds like you have the balance right, in that it comes from your daughter rather than you.

She sounds completely within the bounds of normal (average). Of course you are very proud of your own child.

Does she?

If these various books of multiple chapters actually make any sense, I wouldn’t say that’s within the realms of normal 8 year old behaviour.

Loads of kids can write, but are they writing legible and sensible whole books? Probably not.

I think pretty much everyone is special in some way. It’s how we as adults nurture that that makes a difference- not only parents but also teachers and other adults in their lives.

Your daughter sounds lovely. I think determination and a willingness to seek out knowledge for oneself are great qualities which will take her a long way. Goodness knows, young people will need those things in the times we seem to be heading for.

Edit - creativity and the ability to come up with complex story lines are also amazing qualities.

Is she some sort of Messiah figure? Obviously (or very likely) not. Has she got useful skills that not everyone has - apparently yes.

Some MN users love to cut you down OP. She doesn't sound average at all!

Enjoy your lovely DD and try to find ways to stretch her. If she enjoys playing instruments, is she in an orchestra or a band? Could she enter a creative writing or poetry contest?

You are definitely not unreasonable. Every child should have parents who think them exceptional! I have one similar to yours, who teaches herself things and is incredibly creative, musical and intelligent. But I have another whose determination, memory resilience and focus astound me. And a third who creates incredible, detailed, empathetic games and stories and is astoundingly self sufficient at 5. All are very academic.

They all amaze me and I could speak endlessly to everyone about their various strengths and skills (but I don’t!). I love that you’re so proud but it sounds like your support and a bit of benign neglect are actually giving her all she needs to thrive. At least that’s what I tell myself about mine! Be proud. Just don’t pile on the pressure and give her space. She sounds great!

She sounds a fab girl op. My child was the same, often times younger children do display what could be considered ‘exceptional’…most often, others catch up, and you realise they’re just normal, well adjusted, enjoyable children. Keep enjoying your lovely daughter, is my advice. And when the teen years hit look back at this and have a wee chuckle…🤣

She sounds a very creative child. Keep encouraging her as you have been doing. It sounds like she's happily choosing projects within the resources available to her, and getting on with them.

She sounds lovely, but normal. Kids stick at things they are interested in. And expecting her to wait over a week to have a go at knitting is a bit much, so if you genuinely want to help her more rather than brag then getting involved in her interests would be good.

She sounds brilliant and so do you.
What do her teachers think?
Does she stick with things i.e. the musical instrument(s) and knitting or have a particular favourite thing that you could focus on your own development of skills around so that you feel more a part of her journey.
Or is she more of a butterfly, flirting from thing to thing quite quickly?
My own DD is 3, and her natural skill seems to be centered around language so I'm trying to up skill myself with French (she is in the older group and making sure that she has books that stretch her skills etc.
We all do what we can and you sound so switched on and attuned to your DD. Wishing you the very best of luck! ❤️

Depends very much on the length and quality doesn't it? Writing multiple chapters sounds perfectly normal for an 8yo to me. Unless we're talking 300 page novels...

It sounds like she has a growth mindset which is a great trait to have in life. Leaving her to her own devices is working so keep going as you are.

My son was very bright and advanced for his years.
He joined Mensa when he was 8. The school referred him to an Educational Physcologist and the advice we got was just to encourage him in his interests and help him stretch himself but not to be " those parents" who have their children doing A levels at 12 etc and making a big fuss of it. Just give him a normal education and childhood. So that's what we did and he's now a well rounded individual with a Ph.D and a good job and lots of friends.

Your DD sounds really gifted OP. And honestly encouraging her and supporting her and giving her a normal childhood is the best thing you can do for her.

That's pretty normal behaviour for some kids

Sounds like a average kid to me. Everyone thinks their children are special and so they should but nothing on there screams child genius.

She sounds lovely. If you post on here about it, though, people will be nasty to you. You aren’t allowed to be proud of your kids, don’t you know?

She sounds gorgeous and a credit to you! And yes does sound special!

The best thing you can do for her as her parent is to read up on "gifted child burnout", understand what it is, and have a good think about why it happens.

Source: I was a "gifted kid", and the label never, ever benefitted me.

do you know most people think this about their kids?

Of course not all kids are so focused - but I actually think this is such a dangerous attitude - that some children are 'special' and others are not.

This is why as a society we have so much inequality particularly in education - and that just continues on into adult life.

We have a culture where we honestly think some children are more important, more special, more worthy of interest than others. That's fine to have a little proud thought about as a mum - but no actually as a member of society - and you asked on a public site I really do not think your child is more special than either of mine! Or of the countless other children you will come into contact with.

I think she sounds very motivated, driven and bright - much more than an average 8yo despite what PPs say.

Continue nurturing her, giving her opportunities and a happy childhood. Who know where life will take her - things may fizzle out and she may be average (which is no bad thing) or it may take off.