To think there’s something special about my child?

[FallDayAllDay]

I will begin by saying my child can be a real challenge to parent. She is strong willed, determined, likes to be in control of her own day etc. All can be qualities, but can be really tricky in a world where we have places to be and a schedule to stick to. And when she is unhappy, she can be quite turbulent.

DD is 8, and much though she is tricky, she amazes me in equal measure. For example. She got given some wool and knitting needles from a family member when she was 6. She asked me if I would teach her to use them. I said I would but that first I would need to learn how to use them myself. Within a week, she had grown impatient. She took the iPad and searched for tutorials. She came downstairs and had knitted about 15 rows of a scarf, pretty perfectly. This is one of many stories. She has taught herself to play two instruments. She has determination like I have never seen. She will sit for hours until she masters something. Her stamina is incredible, but that’s when it’s something of her own choosing.

At school, she moves between expected and greater depth. By no means the smartest kid in the class, but she is the youngest in her class and each year, seems to move higher. She completes her homework each week, as soon as she gets home on the day the homework is handed out. She has written books of multiple chapters in length. She loves to perform and has carried out solo performances in front of around 250 people, without so much as a butterfly in her stomach. She is funny and sensitive, she has fire in her belly and never gives up.

I know this post sounds braggy, I really don’t mean for it to be. I just sometimes worry that I don’t quite know how to nurture her best. I feel like she always wants to do more, learn more and know more and I’m somehow limiting her by my lack of knowledge, skills and finances to give her all the tuition that she would just revel in. I feel like the life I give her is quite a dull one when she is so vibrant.

Maybe I just see her as exceptional because she’s my child, and I’m programmed to feel that way. I just think the sky could be the limit for her, but I am somehow not going to be able to give her the opportunities that she could have if I were smarter, or more financially secure.

I was your child. Yes, she’s above average. If I may offer a tip - make sure she doesn’t get bored!

Your daughter sounds brilliant and you're right to be proud of her. I say continue to support and nurture her talents, along with encouraging her to be a compassionate and thoughtful person. I work in a school (TA) and I'd love to have a child like that in the class!

who's jealous and bitter?

Half the kids I know are like that. Some have astonishing deep knowledge of areas that interest them, space, animals, master musical instruments, are fun and love to perform. Some are sport mad, some have an insane artistic talent and can draw beautifully. They always impress the parents visiting the school by being so articulate and interesting

It's not one child, it's .. most of them. There's nothing bitter or sad about it, we just under-estimate children too much.

Hearing a bunch of 8 year old arguing about the ideal mode of government, with knowledge and very sensible arguments, is something that I will never get bored and never stops to amaze me😂

We all think our kids are special, and of course they all are in their individual ways. Your daughter does sound particularly bright and driven though, and you are right to want to nurture that as much as possible.

Your daughter sounds similar to my daughter who is now a young adult, and I do have some advice for you.

Let your daughter take the lead in what she is interested in and wishes to pursue. Encourage those interests but don't pressure her, because she's still very young and her passions could change. My daughter, despite having a very high IQ and being really good at maths and writing, was never particularly enthusiastic about the more academic subjects. Her interest always lay in the performing arts, particularly acting but also dance and music. We gave her the opportunity to explore those interests as much as she wanted. She went to performing arts magnet schools that, while covering the full curriculum, specialize in the arts. (We're in the US - I don't know if there are similar programs in the UK.) In the end she studied acting in university. Some of her classmates had parents who weren't happy with this choice, thinking that it wouldn't lead to a high paying career, but with someone as driven and determined as my daughter we knew she would find a way to make it work. She's now in her early 20s, piecing together a living by performing, teaching and bartending, but most importantly loving life!

It's not always easy being a child like this, or being a parent of a child like this. My daughter is a perfectionist and would often get frustrated when things didn't go her way or when she struggled with anything. It's important to let her know that you love her because of who she is, not what she can do. My daughter is very talented, but we made sure to praise her qualities such as her kindness and sense of humor more than her talent. It's especially important when she's finding things hard to reassure her that you love her unconditionally.

She sounds very bright, and clearly people didn't read your entire post if they're wondering what your question is!

Community hubs/family centres sometimes have drama and theatre clubs aimed at kids, sometimes funded by the council so they may be cheap or even free. It can feel like we're letting our kids down sometimes if our finances can't keep up with their interests but there are cheap ways to support them. Joining guides/scouts might be helpful too, when my daughter attended scouts a few years ago there were amazing opportunities available to them - hobbies and trips away etc.

The main thing is she sounds very self-motivated, so by the time secondary comes she will be off and away organising her own interests and finding people just like her. Just support her as best you can and try not to feel guilty.

Sounds like me as a kid. The pressure and perfectionism can be a curse though. I was self harming by age 12 - and silently strruggling socially though still doing well academically.

Finally crashed and burned midway through a PhD when I got completely overwhelmed and dropped out.

Both of my sons are academically quite bright but I try not to put any pressure on them and highlight the fact that everyone makes mistakes and everyone has different talents.

Try not to get ahead of yourself. Doing well at school doesn't always translate to a good career in the long run

This has to be the biggest chip yet

That's brilliant. She could well be gifted or have a high IQ. Get her the MENSA test and then join a local group with her.

Your DD sounds super sparky and driven - fantastic! Don’t worry about not being able to provide her with all the opportunities you’d like to - it sounds like she’s going to seek them out and grab them for herself anyway! Enjoy having a front row seat. X

Is she a member of the local library? Does she go to any after-school activities? Just make sure she has the opportunities to learn and grow. Yes, she does sound brighter than average, but don't worry, as long as she can get her hands on learning materials, she'll be good.

I was a lot like your DD at that age. I taught myself an instrument, performed on stage without a quibble, wrote books of multiple chapters and was also pretty academically able.

I grew up to be pretty bog-average!

It's lovely that you're so proud of your DD though. My parents, although lovely, never really expressed much of being impressed or proud of me. They'd say "well done" if I achieved something, but mostly I think it was assumed that I'd be reasonably good at whatever I turned my hand to. I was diligent and hardworking, which I think impressed my parents more than the final product.

We all think that our children are gifted. Then we realise all, or most of, their friends are equally bright and "gifted", in similar or different areas. It's not a bad thing.

and what jealous people usually call "pushy parents" are just parents who encourage their kids, and create as many opportunities and help them discover and master as many interests as they possibly can.

There are resources everywhere, and you plan holidays and days out to keep them interested.

That's why it's so sad when lazy posters complain about parents who give activities to their children everyday, saying they should just stay at home and learn to be bored. With so many things to do, practice and learn and have fun with, staying home "being bored" is not the priority for most parents. They have enough time to do things at home in their bedroom or in the garage.

Well done to your amazing child.
Second, easy as chips. Let her chose after school clubs, you can do 11+, get her to grammar and obviously with her talents she will start getting noticed as she matures and goes to uni etc

btw ....I was aupair for a family of a single mum who left home at 7.30 and came back at 6.30. The kids knew only me and all their teachers, tutors, piano teachers etc. Poor kids.....they were rebellious.....dad was in another country. Make sure she has plenty of normal kid life too

I think your child sounds wonderful. However your child sounds no different to any other 8 year old I know (I know quite a few!)

Maybe it was a special prison for special criminals who had mothers who thought their child was super special.
The ones who had abusive mothers were in a separate prison.

Joking aside, there are statistically going to be far more non-criminal women with mothers who thought they were exceptional than criminal ones.

that is just jealousy speaking

I don't understand the "jealousy" comment. Jealousy of what?

Jealousy on behalf of all the other parents you know with similar kids?

Sounds fairly normal but on the brighter end. I think being summer born is more apparent in the class in the younger primary years but buy end of year 2 they tend to have caught up, so it shouldn’t really be affecting her now and you’re probably seeing that as she’s gone up in the class. My dd is similar as in she’s in year 1 and has already caught up and is now nearer the top end of the class, but I don’t think she’s even particularly special (apart from to me) or gifted, she’s just fairly bright and catching up to her potential.

How mean- OP’s daughter sounds way above average, confident, bright, motivated. She’ll go far in life, especially as her Mum sounds very supportive. The daughter sounds like my granddaughter, who has succeeded in everything she attempted to do, and not everything went smoothly. She is now a capable, mature , confident young woman of whom we’re all immensely proud, just like OP will be.

It really isn't normal - but yes, quality counts.
It isn't normal for them to teach themselves knitting from YT either.
She sounds very creative and driven OP - excellent traits to have. Children like this will succeed in their own interests, under their own steam.

I also have a child who likes to be in control and can play musical instruments by ear, due to being neuro-diverse. (Not saying that your daughter is at all but I relate to having a 'tricky' creative child.) I still remember the first time he played a nursery rhyme on his toy keyboard I couldn't believe it. Definitely doesn't get it from me. Enjoy your daughter she sounds great.

Yup, dd is incredibly bright but often so lacking in any common sense, it’s bordering on worrying.

Writing a few chapters, (which really can mean anything) sounds very normal for an 8year old to me. Not that it isn't impressive, but it's well within the capabilities of lots of the 8yos I know.

Well done, there is a little girl in DS class, she's 10, I've known her many years, she is similar, fierce determination in every thing she does, it is a gift, but I'd imagine that it has challenges, when the confidence borders on smugness, it can be challenging.
Keep encouraging her to be brilliant.