To think there’s something special about my child?

[FallDayAllDay]

I will begin by saying my child can be a real challenge to parent. She is strong willed, determined, likes to be in control of her own day etc. All can be qualities, but can be really tricky in a world where we have places to be and a schedule to stick to. And when she is unhappy, she can be quite turbulent.

DD is 8, and much though she is tricky, she amazes me in equal measure. For example. She got given some wool and knitting needles from a family member when she was 6. She asked me if I would teach her to use them. I said I would but that first I would need to learn how to use them myself. Within a week, she had grown impatient. She took the iPad and searched for tutorials. She came downstairs and had knitted about 15 rows of a scarf, pretty perfectly. This is one of many stories. She has taught herself to play two instruments. She has determination like I have never seen. She will sit for hours until she masters something. Her stamina is incredible, but that’s when it’s something of her own choosing.

At school, she moves between expected and greater depth. By no means the smartest kid in the class, but she is the youngest in her class and each year, seems to move higher. She completes her homework each week, as soon as she gets home on the day the homework is handed out. She has written books of multiple chapters in length. She loves to perform and has carried out solo performances in front of around 250 people, without so much as a butterfly in her stomach. She is funny and sensitive, she has fire in her belly and never gives up.

I know this post sounds braggy, I really don’t mean for it to be. I just sometimes worry that I don’t quite know how to nurture her best. I feel like she always wants to do more, learn more and know more and I’m somehow limiting her by my lack of knowledge, skills and finances to give her all the tuition that she would just revel in. I feel like the life I give her is quite a dull one when she is so vibrant.

Maybe I just see her as exceptional because she’s my child, and I’m programmed to feel that way. I just think the sky could be the limit for her, but I am somehow not going to be able to give her the opportunities that she could have if I were smarter, or more financially secure.

She sounds hard working and bright.

How is she with other kids her age? Does she play? Does she value relationships and playing as much as her achievements?
Those things can get neglected, we can forget sometimes that they are children, not little adults.

Only on Mumsnet would an 8 year old who taught herself two instruments be called average and not exceptional! You’ve got to laugh.

She sounds fabulous and despite your perceived lack of intelligence and resources, I think she’ll be just fine. You sound like a lovely mum.

Say you’re jealous without saying you’re jealous.

this girl is definitely not average, come on…

I volunteered in a prison once where some of the inmates had committed horrifically violent crimes which left life changing damage to the victims. Every single one of them had a mother that thought they were exceptional.

To be exceptional by MN standards the child would have had to be self taught and attained grade 8 with distinction in both instruments by age 6. There would still be a few posters saying that was average in their circles.

I was a bit like this as a child. I am a fairly normal adult, but I now work in a high paying job that is about solving problems and transformation for different businesses which keans into my abilities and way my mind works.
I have adhd, so those hyperfocus times when I learned the guitar, flute, read the bible from cover to cover when I was 11 and bored, made 100 small characters out of fimo clay, asked for a chemistry set and did all the experiments, learnt knitting, started crochet, made a wooden jewelry box.. read A picture of Dorian Grey when I was 9, these I now know were hyperfocuses. Its not a bad thing, just an ability to foxus in on one topic and learn it at the speed of light, then move on. These are adhd traits.

She sounds lovely, very similar to my eldest at that age. He is at university now, living his best life.

No she doesn’t!
op she does sound exceptional / gifted. Maybe ask the school if they have any provision for gifted kids and start now looking for a secondary that does. Move if you have to. She will need stimulation to fulfil her potential, but even if she didn’t get anything extra she’s sure to be a successful adult. Don’t give her a phone or social media too early!!!

My eldest DD got into an excellent girls private school here with a scholarship. We also have a bursary too, but it was definitely all on merit and her own hard work/abilities. If we'd still lived in Bucks, she'd have probably gone to one of the grammar schools there too.

Not all private school pupils have rich parents - some are just very bright.

You are a parent. It is a good thing that you appreciate your child.

I think mine are fab and im very proud of them.

That should never be a bad thing.

She sounds incredible and you should be so proud.

the grit it takes not to give up on something will be her greatest asset if she keeps that into adulthood.

it means she’ll be incredibly successful at whatever she decides to do in her life.

I also did so much of this, and work in problem solving.

Exceptionally good at crime 😳😂

Lol at the parents saying she sounds very normal. OP, I think she sounds amazing and obviously super bright and talented. My DC are older now (and amazing kids but not G&T) and some of their friends were like yours, I don't think there is anything you need to be doing especially, she'll find her own way as she gets older and probably go on to do great things.

You do not need validation from strangers on an internet forum, the important thing is that you know your child is remarkable. I would hope that all parents think their kids are the most intelligent, talented, gifted and beautiful people in the world. Having parents who think you are the bee's knees is a great confidence booster for a child and something to hold onto when they inevitably experience knock-backs in life. I know that my own parents' unshakable belief in me was always an immense comfort and support.
I'm pretty sure our 10-month old is also a prodigy so I know how you feel!

I could knit and crochet by age 9, and that was in the 80s, long before the Internet and Google, etc...I just somehow knew how to. No one showed me.

We can do the strangest things as kids, which no one taught us. Kids just seem to pick certain things up.

I’d like to more about the teaching herself 2 instruments. There’s playing nice tunes on the piano and then there is reading and playing actual music. I’d like to know what the instruments are and how she plays them. My daughter makes up some lovely songs and plays them on the piano but I wouldn’t say she’s taught herself the instrument because she can’t read music and she doesn’t understand things like scales, chords etc. if OPs child has actually taught herself to play the violin and the harp or something and can play them to a high standard then that is definitely impressive

You sound like an amazing parent, rightly proud of a gifted child. Hold onto what you do give her and not what you can't.

Of course. But I was pointing out that the majority of fee paying schools are based on if you can afford to send them rather than huge academic talent. Whereas grammar schools you have to take very difficult entry exams to get in. That would be a bench mark for op to use as to how clever her child is.

I agree. She sounds gifted.

I have a dgs same age. He's also very focused. I wish I was half as focused! Dh is the same he reminds me so much of him.

Enjoy your adorable dd @FallDayAllDay . She'll do well in life.

@FallDayAllDay She's definitely not ordinary as some jealous/bitter posters say. She sounds extraordinary. It's very likely that she's got an iq way above average. If you want to confirm this you will need to take her to a neuropsychologist who will do the Wisc-5 iq testing. I did this with my ds- but to see if he was below as he was struggling so much.

For now just let her be.. today the internet is a source of exploration and you can also take her to the library to get books in specific topics she's interested in.

Just remember ; the most important thing is that she's happy. If she's happy she will thrive.

Try to read up on highly intelligent children to prepare yourself for the near future. It's not easy to be different- even uf you're different in a "good way" and preteens and teenagers can be nasty.

Your love and support is all your girl needs from you- she will fly on her own.

Yes, it does sound braggy…

An 8yo is in Year 3 or year 4.

Every kid has different interests, most of them could write books but prefer doing something else.

One of mine used to write novels as birthday presents, whole books with long and surprisingly interesting, very readable stories. They keep writing occasionally when they feel like it.

There's nothing special. Nothing wrong with having a smart, bright and active child.

Just encourage them as much as you can, encourage their interests, take them away to visit interesting places, take them to the library, just normal kids stuff.

Half the class will be working at greater depth, read years above their age group and will shine. It's a good thing, they encourage each other, and have interesting friends.

I am even wondering if there's any child who does read at his own "age level" because I have never heard of a single child who did 😂(taking aside the ones who struggle for any reason and have help to catch up)

I could have written your post when DD3 was young. She announced that she was going to audition for swim squad when she hadn't swam for 5 years and had only had basic lessons. She got in. She announced that she was going to audition for chamber choir. She got in. She announced that she was going to audition for drama club. She got in. She got circular knitting needles for Christmas a couple of years ago (admittedly age 14, not age 8) and said 'I'm going to knit a jumper.' Within days she had knitted a jumper with two colours that had a quite complicated pattern and several different stitches.

A word of caution: She completely burned out because her neurodiversity was not identified and she now goes to a special school for children with adverse educational experiences. It all happened scarily quickly. She went from being in every (audition only) club, a true all-rounder, to being very unwell and trapped in her room.

Most kids aren't her. It might be that your child is just amazing. Just be cautious that you aren't putting her in a category and that if she struggles, you see it.

I know, I was a teacher for a decade 😂

It was a little while ago, so perhaps standards have changed. But if my Y3/4s were independently extended writing, having the stamina to write whole books that were legible and interesting, or independently learning to play 2 instruments I’d have considered them “bright.”

Really all it seems OP is asking, amongst the “special” stuff, is “is my child more able than average?” I believe she probably is.

That’s okay, people’s kids are allowed to be brighter than others 🤷🏻‍♀️