To think there’s something special about my child?

[FallDayAllDay]

I will begin by saying my child can be a real challenge to parent. She is strong willed, determined, likes to be in control of her own day etc. All can be qualities, but can be really tricky in a world where we have places to be and a schedule to stick to. And when she is unhappy, she can be quite turbulent.

DD is 8, and much though she is tricky, she amazes me in equal measure. For example. She got given some wool and knitting needles from a family member when she was 6. She asked me if I would teach her to use them. I said I would but that first I would need to learn how to use them myself. Within a week, she had grown impatient. She took the iPad and searched for tutorials. She came downstairs and had knitted about 15 rows of a scarf, pretty perfectly. This is one of many stories. She has taught herself to play two instruments. She has determination like I have never seen. She will sit for hours until she masters something. Her stamina is incredible, but that’s when it’s something of her own choosing.

At school, she moves between expected and greater depth. By no means the smartest kid in the class, but she is the youngest in her class and each year, seems to move higher. She completes her homework each week, as soon as she gets home on the day the homework is handed out. She has written books of multiple chapters in length. She loves to perform and has carried out solo performances in front of around 250 people, without so much as a butterfly in her stomach. She is funny and sensitive, she has fire in her belly and never gives up.

I know this post sounds braggy, I really don’t mean for it to be. I just sometimes worry that I don’t quite know how to nurture her best. I feel like she always wants to do more, learn more and know more and I’m somehow limiting her by my lack of knowledge, skills and finances to give her all the tuition that she would just revel in. I feel like the life I give her is quite a dull one when she is so vibrant.

Maybe I just see her as exceptional because she’s my child, and I’m programmed to feel that way. I just think the sky could be the limit for her, but I am somehow not going to be able to give her the opportunities that she could have if I were smarter, or more financially secure.

YANBU as you a just worried about your child. She sounds really bright and children like that will always succeed. Let her do her own thing at home, think of it as her down time, she is choosing what to do and enjoying it.

Your daughter sounds a lot like me. I’m positive that if I’d had access to YouTube when I was a kid I would have learnt a lot more than I did.

I taught myself to play the piano. Mastered whatever craft I felt interested in.

I loved (still do) reading and writing and drawing. Would regularly write stories but mainly poetry. I would have been a similar age.

I have always loved the stage and preforming, whether it was acting or dancing.

Some children are just more creative and it comes naturally to them.

I did great in school, loved maths, science, history and learning. My grades were a mixture of A-Cs. Not a genius but academically bright.

As an adult I still pick up new skills relatively easy. And tend be very good at them.

She sounds like a really lovely little girl, and you sound like a lovely mum. 🙂 Have you looked into if there are any youth theatres in your area, I went to one as a kid run by the local council and it was very low cost, she might enjoy that if shes keen on performing. Or there is sometimes low cost or free music tuition provided by local church choirs or brass bands? Or would she enjoy entering a creative writing contest? There are a few here. https://schoolreadinglist.co.uk/competitions-for-children/childrens-writing-competitions/
When she gets to secondary school there will probably be a lot more extra curricular activities she can do for free. If you have a choice of schools in your area you could see if there's one with more of a creative arts focus.

Well, no. I love my boys dearly but I am capable of being objective. One is autistic with impaired cognitive skills and OCD that exhausts us all. He's got a big heart and his beautiful innocence can bring me to tears. DS2 is intelligent but not above average I think and very lazy. If I didn't force him to do his homework well (y 8) he probably wouldn't be getting his good grades. He's creative, sensitive and kind though.

None of them are "special" like OPs even if they are special to me.

Don't feel like you are holding her back, you're not, you're grounding her.
You are the foundations she needs to spring from and when she falls or crashes you are the safety she will need.
Carry on being sensible, boring, dull, everything she needs.
And don't forget to teach her the boring skills she's going to need too.

i hope you keep a diary op and write about her as a keepsake

She sounds wonderful. You’re clearly doing a great job. Enjoy being proud of her. You should be.

Have you stopped to think that it might be the fact you aren’t facilitating and paying for a billion activities and tutors that has enabled her to be bored enough to go and teach herself? Maybe it’s exactly what you’re doing/not doing that is helping a clearly bright kid flourish.

I would stick with it. Nurture her love of writing through reading - join a library, let her choose books she wants to read. If you can provide craft items, wool etc, do that so she can create. But let her continue self learning as it’s a great way to be and I’m sure she will teach herself all manner of wonderful things!

Or just decided to post something she knew lots of people would argue about and then vanish

I could have written your post about my son, who is 13 now. I thought you might get some slightly snarky replies to this, but having a similar child I understand what you're saying. I think it is unusual and feels like a responsibility to nurture and get the parenting right! My son is just like your daughter in his determination and confidence, with the difference that his doesn't extend to school work 😂At this point he's found a sport he loves and is doing exceptionally well in it - all of those qualities have made this happen. He isn't scared of failure, loves an audience and will persist in learning new skills without any encouragement. He loves meeting kids who are better than him and will try to learn from them. He will stroll up to people twice his age and ask to play with them! The downside is he is incredibly strong willed and will push back against everything, in terms of boundaries at home. Also, because he is so confident he doesn't understand that other children aren't and I've had to explicitly teach him to be considerate of the feelings of others. It sounds like your daughter's getting on great so far, so you must be getting it right 😊

She sounds great but many kids are like this so sorry to say, it isn’t a special or gifted skill of any sort. The vast majority of people are completely average. Sometimes we’re guilty of putting those we love/admire on an unfair pedestal.

And which is more likely? Probably that someone is upset by mumsnet comments. Not many people have time to waste starting then abandoning threads on the internet for literally no reason (unless you think OP works for MN and her job is to drive traffic??).

I think the key here is to enable her to follow her interests. That doesn't mean paying for loads of tuition - could be as simple as getting her to the library frequently so she can explore topics of interest and learn about them. She sounds quite good at self directed learning already.

I think one thing about children like this though is that their emotional development may be behind other areas, so would still be important to ensure materials she access are age appropriate and not exposing her to adult ideas or topics that would worry her.

That's probably more relevant if her reading age is super high, but I think important to remember when a child seems older in some ways.

She could absolutely be gifted, lots of "gifted" children also have challenges in other areas so it wouldn't surprise me.

Totally agree

I’d be watching her closely for signs of burnout. Kids like this tend to struggle as they age and are no longer the best at things as their peers catch up.

They are often diagnosed autistic too so I’d be keeping that in mind.

Not everyone thinks their child is special and gifted. That must be a lovely presumption. I have have not once have I thought that about two of my kids.

Op if your still reading, my eldest was gifted and talented. Don't ever presume that are always doing great and will land on their feet. His wheels fell off in year 5 off my radar

You sound very blessed. Continue to create opportunities for her, but also be mindful of nurturing self acceptance of flaws and mistakes, balance is super important so her internal pressure doesn’t overwhelm her.

I am somehow not going to be able to give her the opportunities that she could have if I were smarter, or more financially secure.

You have the means to provide her with opportunities to knit, to pay for classes that permit her to perform in front of 250 people, to give her an iPad.

What does financial security mean to you?

I'd echo what you said about music lessons. I was pushed into violin at 8 because my mum had also done it as a child.
From that knowledge, I taught myself piano.

I dropped the violin at 16 under the guise of "concentrating on my exams", but in reality, I was bored of it and looking for an excuse to quit. HOWEVER, during my violin-playing years, I went to a Saturday morning music school and joined the choir.

30 years later, choir is still a big part of my life, and has bought me immense joy.

And it all started from my mum encouraging me, aged 8, to take up violin lessons.

Probably writing a post she knew would get reactions and then vanish is more likely. There’s loads like it- have you honestly not noticed?

Most parents I know think their child is "gifted" when you are amazed by their achievement, creation or skills and you think it's years above their actual age, because they are amazing, teaching themselves things, building things, doing craft, art, creating, writing books or poetry, mastering a sport, reasoning or reading mathematical or science theory , teaching themselves a foreign language, baking on another level ,setting up a shop, a business, a charity, raising money..(not talking about ONE child here, but the different areas I can think about when DIFFERENT children astonished me)

There's loads kids actually do. As well as their organised clubs and sports.

Then you have a chat with other parents, or your child tells you what their friends are about, and you realise it's perfectly normal 😂

I'ts not "special" to be faced with talented kids, many of them are. It's a good thing.

OP's child is going to PRISON
I did not see that one coming

Well the eldest is at a top university dispite never getting over 60% attendance at secondary so not having much of a education at all. Never tried, never turned up. Very very bright. Absolutely fucked mental health so I'm not sure being bright is the key to success. Unless you judge getting into a top uni success or actually putting effort in. I think he will get his first, I don't think he will ever work.

My other son couldn't talk at 7, illiterate at 11. I don't recall ever even saying he is smart. He amazes me but in other ways.

I think it's lovely when kids do well. It's so easy to take doing well or good enough for granted. I have been in meetings for my smart daughter where school have just stopped short of saying everyone hates her and she is a utter shit. How I'd love to hear 'she could try harder' I would have donated a kidney for her and her other brother to be mediocre 🤣. Must be a lovely feeling to feel that your child has the world at their feet. Honestly I'd just enjoy it for what it is. I have two bright kids who have their own issues and a child who never live independently. I want to be the mum bragging my 4 year old plays the Chello. I really do. I'm hiding from the teachers and feel utter dread when the school number pops up on my phone.

If I were in the business of posting stuff for a reaction, I feel like I’d come back and stir the pot a bit, not just disappear.

I’ve seen the most mundane threads where the OP never returns - maybe life got in the way, they forgot they’d posted, thread galloped off in an unexpected direction, upset by responses, became too long to read, got the input they felt they needed without having to reply…loads of reasons.

In this case its probably that she had so many spiteful replies