To think there’s something special about my child?

[FallDayAllDay]

I will begin by saying my child can be a real challenge to parent. She is strong willed, determined, likes to be in control of her own day etc. All can be qualities, but can be really tricky in a world where we have places to be and a schedule to stick to. And when she is unhappy, she can be quite turbulent.

DD is 8, and much though she is tricky, she amazes me in equal measure. For example. She got given some wool and knitting needles from a family member when she was 6. She asked me if I would teach her to use them. I said I would but that first I would need to learn how to use them myself. Within a week, she had grown impatient. She took the iPad and searched for tutorials. She came downstairs and had knitted about 15 rows of a scarf, pretty perfectly. This is one of many stories. She has taught herself to play two instruments. She has determination like I have never seen. She will sit for hours until she masters something. Her stamina is incredible, but that’s when it’s something of her own choosing.

At school, she moves between expected and greater depth. By no means the smartest kid in the class, but she is the youngest in her class and each year, seems to move higher. She completes her homework each week, as soon as she gets home on the day the homework is handed out. She has written books of multiple chapters in length. She loves to perform and has carried out solo performances in front of around 250 people, without so much as a butterfly in her stomach. She is funny and sensitive, she has fire in her belly and never gives up.

I know this post sounds braggy, I really don’t mean for it to be. I just sometimes worry that I don’t quite know how to nurture her best. I feel like she always wants to do more, learn more and know more and I’m somehow limiting her by my lack of knowledge, skills and finances to give her all the tuition that she would just revel in. I feel like the life I give her is quite a dull one when she is so vibrant.

Maybe I just see her as exceptional because she’s my child, and I’m programmed to feel that way. I just think the sky could be the limit for her, but I am somehow not going to be able to give her the opportunities that she could have if I were smarter, or more financially secure.

We all can find magical qualities in our dc!! It's our job! At 8 my dd was doing very intricate braids in the back of her own hair!! Couldn't tidy a bedroom though.

You're a parent, of course you see something special in your child. Because every child has something that makes them a bit special, and as their parent you're the person who knows them best, so see's the ways in which they're unique, and brilliant, and awesome.

I‘d just give her opportunities to continue doing what she does. If she wants to improve music and knitting, look for groups. Or maybe she just wanted to learn and now she has the skill, she won’t want to progress it.

If she enjoys writing, maybe look for writing competitions or writing prompts online.

Be prepared to buy books/ apps for her interests as she is so self-directed. We have Reading Eggs (DS‘ schooling isn’t in English) and the Chess Kid app, both of which he can use independently. Maybe there’s something similar for your DD‘s interests.

And however she progresses, make sure she knows how to relax and can understand her brain.

Mine is quite similar to yours, OP, and I was too at that age. They all have their particular strengths and interests so whilst of course ours are special to us, I would hesitate to say that these activities are special in a way that is unusual if that makes sense. I think it's how some kids of this age play, basically. I'm very much led by my kid in terms of what she's interested in and let her pick things up and put them down. She's got a lovely window of a few years to just give things a go out of school without any pressure from me by way of tuition or pushing and I really want her to make the most of it.

Would have said very similar about my DD at that age.

And indeed now (she’s 15 and has ADHD and ASD diagnoses).

Your DD sounds so clever, you should be very proud. Encouraging her achievements is a good thing, but let her be a child too. She sounds like she will certainly go far.

My eldest DD aged 15 is incredibly intelligent too, and driven. Always had excellent school reports, very good at thinking outside the box, almost A* in every subject and expected to get this at GCSEs. She's conscientious, extremely curious and very confident, but in a modest way. I've always been able to keep an eye on her at arm's length, but equally encouraged her if necessary. Both my eldest and youngest daughters are very strong willed too. I.think it's a character trait that comes with the territory of being bright.

I hope your daughter finds great success. I'm sure she will fly high.❤️

Posts like this inspire quite snarky comments, and sometimes it's appropriate, but I don't think this time it is.

She may not be MENSA level (although who knows, you could have her tested obviously), but I also don't think she's exactly average, especially for a child her age.

Her self-discipline and focus could take her far. I wish I had that kind of focus, even now as an adult, even with things I actually like doing or things I'm good at! Focus like that will really help her if she wants to run her own business, in particular.

What she needs is an open mind, which you have, and to be exposed to different activities so she can continue to develop. It sounds like she'll be fine, although please mind you don't fall into the 'My child is difficult because she's gifted' trap - that can be detrimental to them and people around them in the long-run.

This is some of the worst advice I've ever come across.

Dull your sparkle in front of other people and keep that light hidden under a bushel. Aim low, girls.

Did she also tell her that boys want pretty girls without too many opinions?

I think a lot of bright girls are like this. It’s the type of thing I did.
Mine was in the day pre-internet though so it was books I learnt from!

I so agree with this. I have a friend who thinks her child is more special than everyone else's and I can't see how that would be good for he child in the long run. I understand the deep love and pride a mother has for her children and let's face it most kids are little wonders at that age. They come out with pithy sayings that make them sound like Philosophy PhD candidates.

I absolutely get what you are saying about the inequality in the education system. If you are labelled special at such a young age you are treated differently to kids who are labelled just "ordinary" or - god forbid - not very academic. How do we know what children are going to become? I often wonder why many parents seem so keen for their children to be out of the ordinary (Look-look little johnny started talking to me from in the womb!) when being ordinary is perfectly good enough.

She sounds fabulous and you sound like a proud Mum. I am also a very proud Mum though my DCs weren't writing chapters by the age of 8! But they are now fantastic adults and I love them dearly.

Your DD is clearly gifted and very clever with a fantastic mindset. I don't think you need to be rich or intelligent yourself to nurture that.

She obviously loves school which is great and they will encourage her throughout her education journey - secondary school will be incredible for her with languages and more music lessons - she will be in her element for sure!

I don't think you need to worry or panic. Keep exposing her to all the things like music, nature and the outdoors and get her books on science and the natural world. And then let nature take its course. Just love her, encourage her and the rest will frankly take care of itself!

She sounds like a self-starter which has many benefits for later in life.
However, is she spending a lot of time alone rather than with friends her own age? Developing social skills is more important for future happiness than learning an instrument etc. unless it is in a group setting where she has the opportunity to socialise. Too many child prodigies end up with poor inter-personal skills later in life - famous tech bros come to mind.

She sounds great!

Whats your point? Every parent should think their child is special in one way or another.

I have a niece who was always very very determined to teach herself new skills. She would focus for hours until she achieved them. She has ADHD which may or may not be relevant. I used to write books with lots of chapters at 8 too- I loved it. I hoped to be an author- sadly I definitely peaked early with my writing skills! Your daughter sounds lovely. Just enjoy her

Wow, she does sound impressive and she’s got determination and great problem solving skills, which will get her far in life. I guess my only suggestion would be to support a “normal” social life and help her form healthy relationships. Good luck to the both of you.

Your daughter sounds lovely OP - not average at all!

Although I also want to say that all parents think that their child is special in some way or when it comes to certain things.

Carry on supporting her : )

Any word from the OP or is this one of those “start a controversial thread and then disappear” things? On that basis I’m not going to bother sharing about my equally exceptional DC and how things worked out for them.

OP you'll have a multitude of posters come on to put you back in your box.

You dd sounds wonderful. Keep encouraging her to learn and be interested. That's a fabulous gift to have in a world where kids have to contend with being spoon-fed by tech companies.

She sounds ASD to me.

She sounds lovely & very bright. My advice, on a budget, would be go to the library lots. Introduce her to lots of different books, that how you nurture an intelligent child.

Also Brownies, Guides, scouts are all great and reasonably priced to teach her extra skills

Good luck

Excellent thought

@FallDayAllDay ignore all those means spirited posts keen to drag you down

We all think our kids are special. Others may not think our kids are special. Let them grow and come back here when they’re into adulthood. 🤷‍♀️

For goodness sake, she only posted at 11:42am and you've complained that she hasn't replied 4 hours later!
Maybe she's at work?
Maybe she went to the shops?
Maybe she is busy with something else?
Maybe she's sitting back and waiting to read more replies as they come in before posting again?
What rule book says the OP has to respond within 4 hours?!
People like you really irritate me. So judgy and presumptuous and bitchy.

OP I should add that I mean this in a positive way, as in she sounds gifted in the way many children with ASD are who have special abilities.💙