To think there’s something special about my child?

[FallDayAllDay]

I will begin by saying my child can be a real challenge to parent. She is strong willed, determined, likes to be in control of her own day etc. All can be qualities, but can be really tricky in a world where we have places to be and a schedule to stick to. And when she is unhappy, she can be quite turbulent.

DD is 8, and much though she is tricky, she amazes me in equal measure. For example. She got given some wool and knitting needles from a family member when she was 6. She asked me if I would teach her to use them. I said I would but that first I would need to learn how to use them myself. Within a week, she had grown impatient. She took the iPad and searched for tutorials. She came downstairs and had knitted about 15 rows of a scarf, pretty perfectly. This is one of many stories. She has taught herself to play two instruments. She has determination like I have never seen. She will sit for hours until she masters something. Her stamina is incredible, but that’s when it’s something of her own choosing.

At school, she moves between expected and greater depth. By no means the smartest kid in the class, but she is the youngest in her class and each year, seems to move higher. She completes her homework each week, as soon as she gets home on the day the homework is handed out. She has written books of multiple chapters in length. She loves to perform and has carried out solo performances in front of around 250 people, without so much as a butterfly in her stomach. She is funny and sensitive, she has fire in her belly and never gives up.

I know this post sounds braggy, I really don’t mean for it to be. I just sometimes worry that I don’t quite know how to nurture her best. I feel like she always wants to do more, learn more and know more and I’m somehow limiting her by my lack of knowledge, skills and finances to give her all the tuition that she would just revel in. I feel like the life I give her is quite a dull one when she is so vibrant.

Maybe I just see her as exceptional because she’s my child, and I’m programmed to feel that way. I just think the sky could be the limit for her, but I am somehow not going to be able to give her the opportunities that she could have if I were smarter, or more financially secure.

Is she in a state school?

She sounds very talented and will likely go far in life. You’ll get a lot of sour grapes responses from posters whose own DCs aren’t as clever. Doesn’t mean their DCs aren’t special or worthy of attention though, but I don’t think you’re saying that.

I think you maybe overthinking this and I say that as a parent of children with no discernible talent or skill.

Maybe I just see her as exceptional because she’s my child, and I’m programmed to feel that way.

Yes, it's that.

HTH.

She sounds very like my DS. I am biased, obviously, but I also know it to be true now that DS has his cat scores. I echo every positive sentiment that others have posted here. Don’t be harsh on your own parenting. Nobody is perfect, and I’m sure you are doing your very best. Be proud and keep on doing what you are doing. Look out for extracurricular opportunities that might suit your DD but don’t demand that she participates in them. Before long she’ll be telling you that you are not the author of her life 😂. Kids like this tend to bring both joy and frustration in equal measure. But then again, I think most parents would say this about their children.
Edit: FWIW, I don’t know that my DS will go the furthest in life compared with his peers. A bright yet more compliant child may well fare better.

She is not average by any means and I can hear the weight of responsibility you feel to nurture her unique talents. I am not sure of the answer but she sounds very self motivated and naturally follows her own interests. That is wonderful and takes the pressure of you somewhat. I would outsource where you can? Find clubs she enjoys and books that she can learn from. I feel the pressure on her behalf to maintain this positive feedback she is most likely getting from everyone.

Whether she feels it now or not she inevitably will. She needs to know that there is no pressure. Don't give her tube channels or Instagram in the future to showcase her talents (I'm not saying you were thinking of it) she doesn't need the external validation or pressure and look out for any neurodivergent traits. Masking can look like no nerves and anxiously completing homework (fear of failure) not saying that every gifted child is autistic but it can be overlooked. She sounds amazing.

I was like that as a kid. But then it all went tits up when I hit my teens. I'm now an abject failure solely reliant on government handouts.

So yeah it's good but it might not last!

She sounds lovely and talented. She may be neurodivergent. Support her. Let her feel supported and cherished.

And a word of advice that a brilliant clever friend gave her daughter:

• Never put your hand up in class, but always have the correct answer when asked. No-one likes a know-it-all.

No idea why anyone would think this is normal; it is definitely unusual. I have never heard of a child that age teaching themselves to knit and play instruments.

She sounds exceptionally determined and resourceful and I would just keep on encouraging her in all of her endeavors!

Some children are academically remarkable, others eat mud.

Mine happens to be a mudeater. That makes him special, because it makes him different to most other children. Similarly, writing a novel at the age of 8 probably makes you different and therefore special.

Doesn’t mean any more or less important or valid, just extraordinary and outside of the norm.

We don’t all think the “sky is the limit,” some of us think even putting on the astronaut suit would be the limit.

She probably actually is a bright and somehow gifted child, I’d still allow her to just be a child where possible.

Double post, again!

Of course people are allowed to be proud of their kids! I'd like to hope that everyone is.

But there's a big difference between proud of your child and announcing that they are 'special' and 'exceptional', which implies that they are better than most other people's children. All kids are, or certainly should be, special to their parents. That doesn't mean they are special to anyone else or that they are exceptional in comparison to the other children around them.

The OP's DD sounds lovely and appears to be a hard-working kid, which is great. The OP is right to be proud of her. But that doesn't mean she is any more special or exceptional than anyone else's child, who in the OP's narrative are relegated to being average also-rans.

Not unreasonable to feel your child is exceptional, as we all do, but unreasonable to think that that's actually real and not just maternal instinct.

Determination and drive are good qualities. She won't be the only child in the class who possesses those traits. Some people are Type A children who grow into Type A adults.

She doesn't need tuition- you've said yourself that she's very good at self-teaching herself if she wants to learn something. If anything, it sounds like she needs it less than a child who is less self-motivated.

Good grief, why does she need to be 'stretched' or entering contests? Unless she's asking for this? Not everything has to be bloody achievement-focused.

Just let her be OP, she sounds great (and you must be doing a good job or she wouldn't be so well adjusted).

She is a clever girl and I understand your concerns. She sounds creative so keep challenging her - take her to art galleries, shows etc - you just need to keep her challenged whilst also factoring in some downtime too where she just potters and plays.

Then your clearly not around many children.

Gosh, I wouldn’t give that advice - makes me think of the handful of women sitting quietly in a boardroom waiting to be asked their opinion whilst the men confidently make the decisions, take the credit and get the pay rise.
I appreciate this is the classroom and not the boardroom but taught/learned behaviours from childhood cast a long shadow.

Which is why it was good advice for school. She didn't say don't have opinions, she said it is wretched to sit with your hand up and never be asked and then be considered a smart arse.

Her daughter is now in her 20s and very successful in her career. She speaks up for herself.

I can assure you that I am.

Persistence is one of the greatest traits a person can have, continue encouraging & nurturing it

My 11 year old has been teaching herself Russian and Sweedish since she was 8. Got the highest mark in the 11+ that you possibly can.

Last night, she got her leg stuck in the banisters on the stairs and couldn’t work out how to get it out.

It’s all relative.

Good for her.
I don’t think it’s a good idea for school either - quiet, bright, compliant girls waiting to be asked their opinion but not allowed to offer it in case they are thought of as know it all. Terrible.

This is true. I know a guy who I am fairly sure could find the cure for cancer while he was drinking his morning brew.

I’ve also seen him get absolutely drenched because it’s raining and he hasn’t considered a coat might be sensible.

Many people will feel their children are exceptional in certain ways - pretty much all children are! One of mine is very talented at sports and writing. My other is very musical and learns languages easily. They are both very academically able.

BUT they are children. Interests and abilities change. They are more than what they can do/achieve. Supporting their interests at the time is nice. Pushing them because the sky is the limit is probably damaging. What do you want for your child? For her to be fulfilled and content? Then let her guide herself. You don’t need to do anything. You are the love, nurture and safety as a parent and she really needs that from you.

No idea why you posted, you are just talking about an average child of average ability