To think there’s something special about my child?

[FallDayAllDay]

I will begin by saying my child can be a real challenge to parent. She is strong willed, determined, likes to be in control of her own day etc. All can be qualities, but can be really tricky in a world where we have places to be and a schedule to stick to. And when she is unhappy, she can be quite turbulent.

DD is 8, and much though she is tricky, she amazes me in equal measure. For example. She got given some wool and knitting needles from a family member when she was 6. She asked me if I would teach her to use them. I said I would but that first I would need to learn how to use them myself. Within a week, she had grown impatient. She took the iPad and searched for tutorials. She came downstairs and had knitted about 15 rows of a scarf, pretty perfectly. This is one of many stories. She has taught herself to play two instruments. She has determination like I have never seen. She will sit for hours until she masters something. Her stamina is incredible, but that’s when it’s something of her own choosing.

At school, she moves between expected and greater depth. By no means the smartest kid in the class, but she is the youngest in her class and each year, seems to move higher. She completes her homework each week, as soon as she gets home on the day the homework is handed out. She has written books of multiple chapters in length. She loves to perform and has carried out solo performances in front of around 250 people, without so much as a butterfly in her stomach. She is funny and sensitive, she has fire in her belly and never gives up.

I know this post sounds braggy, I really don’t mean for it to be. I just sometimes worry that I don’t quite know how to nurture her best. I feel like she always wants to do more, learn more and know more and I’m somehow limiting her by my lack of knowledge, skills and finances to give her all the tuition that she would just revel in. I feel like the life I give her is quite a dull one when she is so vibrant.

Maybe I just see her as exceptional because she’s my child, and I’m programmed to feel that way. I just think the sky could be the limit for her, but I am somehow not going to be able to give her the opportunities that she could have if I were smarter, or more financially secure.

Which top university is that?

Various books of multiple chapters? The definition of a book.

Yes, thank you. Crucially however, I’m not 8.

You're not eight, of course; but it still defines a book.

A Russell group one. I will let you Imagine. He got AAB at A level. Fuck knows why they took him beyond his A level grades. I can not imagine what his personal statement said. "I only went to school 50% of the time, not much better at college snd possibly won't turn up for your lectures because history has told me I don't need to turn up to pass". I suspect this method is about to fall apart for him. The university either didn't look any deeper than his grades or they really just wanted bums on seats and did look. Who knows. He is on paper very very academically able. But that does not equal success. No one wants to be in this position.

AAB isn’t “very very academically able”

I think the poster is saying that he is more capable but only went to school 50% of the time and still got those grades

I’ve taught many , many kids over thirty years and she does sounds exceptional ! I would be interested in what instruments are self taught - so sorry if you mentioned, OP , have not caught up with the whole thread . But if she has self taught say violin or piano to a decent level , that is amazing . As in reading the music etc .
However, if we are more talking about teaching oneself simple tunes on say a xylophone or a melodica then less so .
Writing chapter books is pretty impressive too . You’d struggle to get many 8 year olds to write a page !

You’re doing great, OP. Kids like that don’t really need more tuition, they just need opportunities. Make sure she always has pens and paper, take her often to the library and let her choose whatever she wants, give her chance to keep googling and learning online, with appropriate parental controls. If she wants to try things, give her chance if you can, but don’t worry if you can’t.

She sounds like a very talented child. Your job is to ensure she is also a kind caring and respectful person.

Yes exactly! He didn't turn up..I'm not guessing my son is smart. An Ed psychic tested him.and told me as part of a ehcp needs assessment when he was continuously off school. 99% processing speed IQ well above adverage range. Unbelievable as it is someone has to be at top end.of these tests. He doesn't get that from.me or dad or tutors. We are working class piss poor.

I'm not here to brag. Clearly dispite his gifts he is struggling in education anyway and always has. The only reason I posted was to say to OP to keep a eye on their child as dispite being clever things can still go off the rails and you can't take your eye off and presume they always land on their feet as they are smart.

IDK maybe my son is actually is at a shit uni. Russel group have withheld it's a old polytechnic ( grasps pearls) His A levels results are shit. Maybe he is as thick as mince and the LA EP lied to block his EHCP.

My point of my post is still the same. You need to never presume all well be OK if your child is clever things will be OK. I took my eye off the ball and it didn't turn out OK. Plus he got shit A level results and into a shit university to add to his shit school and college attendance.

don't let him.turn into loser like I did.

I think your child sounds very bright and I think you’re right to think she’s maybe exceptional. I don’t know what your question is but all I can think is to say allow her to be herself, don’t push too hard and enrol her in whatever she wants to do as long as you can afford it. Hopefully she changes the world.

I don't think some of these responses are very helpful. I do think self-taught knitting at age 6 suggests that there are some particular talents. Young kids often do well with languages - there is lots of online language learning that she might do well with. And reading, of course - libraries are free. Can you try a musical instrument? You mentioned finances prevent you doing as much as you'd like to - there are online tutorials that are quite good and piano teachers suggest not starting before 8 but I know musical kids who do well when they start at 10 so you might put off the lessons until then. There are also lots of art galleries that offer free art/craft clubs. Also, can you get a few second-hand books on identifying leaves, trees, birds, and go spotting them together? I wouldn't overburden her but you could have a fairly regular schedule of things to keep her motivated.

Really surprised at poll results - thought it would be the other way round!

There are some envious, miserable bastards out there 🙄

or maybe.. it just show that it's not exceptional because the majority of the voters actually have the same experience as the OP. Being smart and bright, even at 8yo, is not "special".

I am not sure why a couple of people are being offended on behalf of the OP 😂

She does sound exceptional, which is lovely. I would try to find something that she enjoys but is not naturally brilliant at, and make sure she gets to experience it. It's not great for a person to take to everything easily because it doesn't help you to build resilience. Learning to have small failures in a setting where they absolutely don't matter, like a childhood activity, means that she can practise the skill of failing.

Because the OP’s child does sound exceptional- to me, anyway!

I’m not saying that she is in it but I have been doing some research about being on the spectrum recently and some of the things you said rang some bells, being headstrong and diving into special interests.

It’s often less diagnosed in girls because their behaviour is seen as less disruptive than when boys have it as girls are better at masking. She sounds wonderful, you should be rightly proud.