AIBU to not want to go to my parents’ for Christmas now they’ve invited a neighbour?

[HotChocAndChaos]

My mum and dad moved into their house less than a year ago, and they’ve become very friendly very quickly with one of their neighbours. A few of us find her a bit weird, she’s very intense, pops round a lot, and tends to insert herself into situations unexpectedly. She can come across as boundary-less, dominates conversations, and generally gives off a bit of a strange vibe.

We were planning to spend Christmas Day at my parents’ with my partner, our child, and my grandad, but they’ve now told us the neighbour will be joining. The reality is we don’t feel comfortable spending the day with someone we barely know, especially around our young child. It would be different if she were a long-standing friend, but they’ve only known her a short time.

I'm aware it's their house and they can invite who they like I just think consulting us beforehand would've been nice. Anyway, I wouldn't ask them to uninvite her but I think we are going to say we are not going anymore.

AIBU to feel like we don’t want to go now, or is that unreasonable?

Just wondering if you’re including yourself in that list of mean-spirited people?

It's one person. I think you are being a bit ridiculous to be honest. Unless there is more to this than you are saying. I think friendliness with new neighbours is a lovely thing. You might appreciate the fact that your parents have a good local friend at some point.

You might just say that you would like to have some time as just family and ask that she is not there all day.

I'm assuming you think your parents are good people - can you not give them the benefit of the doubt in all this and assume they wouldn't get close to someone who was a potential criminal or something?

Have you spoken to your parents about the lady at all - what do they say about her? Also your parents must know her far better than you so perhaps you a mistaken in your thoughts about her if you have only seen her a few times.

I would think it would be rude and a bit surly for you to now refuse to go to your parents for the day. Your DC (presumably) won't be left alone with this woman so I don't understand why you are so worried about that. We are all a bit weird anyway to some people are we not?

My grandparents generation were of a religion that believed in helping others and my mother has bad childhood memories of numerous Christmas randoms. The helping petered out after my great aunt ended up hosting someone who was on the run from the IRA and an ex con my grandparents hosted came back and robbed them.

YANBU

Christmas day is about close family for me. We used to go out for christmas dinner with close family. Then each year 'others' started getting invited as the family grew due to marriages and births. It culminated in the year they started playing with the seating so kids sat together and adults together. That year i sat with someone i had zero blood ties to, only knew in passing and didnt get time with my partner or children.

From then on we have eaten at home on christmas day with a few invited guests. Christmas is about close family for me and i refuse to adapt for anyone.

YANBU to be irritated. I wouldn’t want to spend all day with a person I barely knew and who I found overbearing, intense and boundary-less.

I think YABU to say you’re not going, though. I think this year you just need to suck it up. But have a quiet word with your parents afterwards and say you’d rather not socialise with their neighbour again.

Oh yes, got to love a gendered put down/telling off haven’t you!!

Yes - I really don't understand the MN phobia of "changing the dynamic". Love to have fresh dynamics and new faces to meet.

Generally speaking, when I meet someone and find them to be someone who dominates the conversation, is overly intense and has no boundaries, I don’t seek opportunities to ‘get to know them better’. I’ve seen enough. They aren’t suddenly going to become nicer.

Your mum and dad are allowed to change their plans and so are you! If you prefer not to go then don’t.

It seems a bit sulky and childish to not go because of the neighbour. Can't you just try it and see how it goes. Leave a bit earlier than you would have if you are uncomfortable

Well the saying “no good deed goes unpunished” is a saying for a reason. That’s awful, your poor grandparents.

You don’t want this neighbour around your young child?? You need to grow up, sorry

We all have different likes and dislikes. If you love meeting new people and can immediately relax around them, great. This is an ideal situation for you. But some people just find this sort of thing stressful and awkward. We all enjoy different stuff.

It doesn't. OP isn't telling her parents not to invite the neighbour. She is asking whether it would be unreasonable for her and her partner and child not to go.

That is a decision that OP can make unilaterally without her parents' permission. She can't tell them not to invite the neighbour.

Ho Ho Ho 🤣

Surely the meal only lasts a hour or two at most and you will have spent time with your partner and children throughout the day?

I always find the 'blood ties' thing a bit odd. Many of people I consider close family aren't blood relatives.

It’s a bit late now as most people have ordered all their food. I’m on team ‘just go for lunch’ in the spirit of Christmas. If this person is as odd as you say then you may need to keep an eye on her anyway. On the other hand, maybe you just don’t know her well enough.

Bah Humbug more like it.

Can’t you just go for dinner and if it’s getting a bit uncomfortable leave as early as possible say your little one needs an early night or something

You’d stop your child’s great-grandfather spending Christmas with her? I spend part of every Christmas with someone I actively dislike because my son and daughter-in-law do like her, and I want to enjoy spending time with my grandchildren (and my kids and in-laws), and I think your grandad would be hurt not to see you and your child.

My other thought - because I’m human - is that if possible you could go for parts of the day. Morning at home, lunch and afternoon at your parents, for example, and you can dodge the neighbour a bit by helping with prep and clearing up.

I haven’t read the whole thread, so apologies if I’m echoing others without acknowledgement.

Lots of comments on here are absolutely wild but this one takes the cake! You were angry that your ‘close family’ brought their own family/partners/spouses and children with them on Christmas Day. God forbid you had to sit next to someone you have no blood ties with. Assume it would’ve been fine for you to make your sibling sit next to your spouse though (someone they have no blood ties to) as long as their spouse/children weren’t there! How completely self-centred! Thank god you didn’t have to adopt children and raise someone with no blood ties to yourself. Imagine what you would’ve done then!

I wonder how often your parents tolerated friends of yours they weren’t so keen on?

Or maybe if they aren’t such a fan of your husband you would be ok with then excluding him?

YABU

Unless your parents promised you a family only event, or bullied you into going because they had nobody else to celebrate with, you should not try to damage their friendship with their neighbours.

You complain that the neighbour is always there. But do THEY complain about her always being there? Maybe they’re happy their friend lives right next door and are loving how much they can spend time with their friend. Did you consider that this lady is a genuine friend not a pity friend?

It’s really childish to refuse Christmas invitations from your parents because you dislike their friend. It’s hurtful to try damage their friendship.

This year you’ve set plans so go and try and enjoy. Next year, early, let your parents know if you don’t want to spend Christmas with them and propose an alternative (celebrating with them another day). But you may find yourself regretting giving up Christmas with your parents just because you dislike a friend.

It seems very petty of you.

I despair to be honest and why wouldn't you want her around your young child?