AIBU to not want to go to my parents’ for Christmas now they’ve invited a neighbour?

[HotChocAndChaos]

My mum and dad moved into their house less than a year ago, and they’ve become very friendly very quickly with one of their neighbours. A few of us find her a bit weird, she’s very intense, pops round a lot, and tends to insert herself into situations unexpectedly. She can come across as boundary-less, dominates conversations, and generally gives off a bit of a strange vibe.

We were planning to spend Christmas Day at my parents’ with my partner, our child, and my grandad, but they’ve now told us the neighbour will be joining. The reality is we don’t feel comfortable spending the day with someone we barely know, especially around our young child. It would be different if she were a long-standing friend, but they’ve only known her a short time.

I'm aware it's their house and they can invite who they like I just think consulting us beforehand would've been nice. Anyway, I wouldn't ask them to uninvite her but I think we are going to say we are not going anymore.

AIBU to feel like we don’t want to go now, or is that unreasonable?

Sometimes this can be quite fun - the more the merrier, etc. But it really does depend on who it is. My mum went through a period of doing this. We did suck it up for a while, though it got a bit intrusive and awkward. Eventually one year she invited someone and then they brought along three extra family members with them, including a cantankerous granny no one had ever met before who complained about the food for the entire meal! (My mum is an excellent cook so was not impressed.) The following year we all declined to go home for Christmas, and mum got the message pretty sharpish and stopped inviting randoms after that! 😆

Do you mean Scrooge?

Ah The True Spirit of Christmas...

tell them straight you wanted a family day and would appreciate them telling the neighbour no interruptions from her, she can visit on Boxing day

Your parents sound much nicer than you! Oh, the horror of spending Christmas with somebody who would otherwise presumably spend it lonely. However will you cope!?
Every year we have a mix of people round our table. Neighbours, colleagues, an occasional displaced person, people over here from other countries working, etc etc. We have such wonderful christmases and I hope our children understand that that is the real meaning of Christmas.

People who are open to inviting waifs and strays for Christmas are doing it right.

OP, you can do whatever you want - but so can your parents, who are the ones hosting. I'd be so unimpressed with a daughter who threw her toys out of the pram if I invited a friend over.

They should retract their invitation to their friend? That's incredibly rude.

I don't think the OP, as a guest, gets to tell her mum anything like that straight. How rude.

Got told by my DSD, nicely, that she'd prefer just a family christmas, after we'd invited friends of ours who were on their own for Christmas. To be fair they'd tried to make eveyone play charades - not a charades playing family at all.

Urgh. YABU. What danger do you think this person could possibly present to your young child with you there?

FFS get a grip.

You already know that:

'A few of us find her a bit weird, she’s very intense, pops round a lot, and tends to insert herself into situations unexpectedly. She can come across as boundary-less, dominates conversations, and generally gives off a bit of a strange vibe.'

This probably means that whenever you visit your parents, this neighbour is always there, which most people would find uncomfortable. Do your parents really like her or do they feel sorry for her because, if they didn't invite her, she would be on her own?

I'd discuss the situation with your parents before making your decision. It doesn't sound as though it would be a fun or relaxing Christmas Day with her there.

We've invited my partner's friend who has no family so would otherwise be alone - she's coming teatime Xmas Eve to Boxing Day morning. She's also vegan, so we're doing entirely vegan menus.

I'd say don't go if you don't want to but clearly the neighbour has been invited out of Xmas spirit.

YAB very U imho op.

As you say, it’s your parents home. You don’t get to police their friends. Even if this women is an extortionist, if your parents are competent and of sound mind, it’s up to them to handle that, not you. She is their friend; it’s not up to you to approve or disapprove.

It’s really poor manners and presumptuous of you to almost use your family’s presence as a bargaining chip.

Your parents can invite who they like for Christmas and having accepted the invitation , it would be really rude of you to back out now as your parents would be terribly upset that you weren’t coming. And no doubt your mum has invited this friend as an extra guest, assuming that you would be there?

My parents used to invite all sorts of people to our Christmas table who, looking back, had no where else to go. We had a few strange ones over the years but it taught us children to be welcoming and kind and that other people mattered too. Your parents are doing a good thing, Why not be supportive instead of making it all about you?

I'm really torn on this!

Other posters are entirely correct - Christmas is all about goodwill, love and extending kindness to everyone, particularly those that may not have family and friends around them. It's kind of your parents to invite their neighbour to spend the day with them, it's their house and their prerogative regarding who they invite.

Christmas is also about enjoying the company of the ones you love and the traditions that are individual to each family. I can see why you might feel that the presence of someone else (particularly someone that you don't really know, don't see eye to eye with or is very domineering) might change the dynamic and make it less enjoyable. It's your prerogative to choose what would be best for yourself and your child.

Maybe the solution is a half and half - go to your parents for a short time and then also plan your own celebrations at home? I'd also have an honest conversation with your parents about it.

I dunno, might it not be a bit more interesting to have a new person to talk to? Someone with some new stories?

I don’t really understand the notion of “I don’t want to spend the day with someone I don’t know”. What a dull outlook.

I think it depends on your Christmas. As a child we sometimes had a random neighbour added in, but back then everyone dressed nicely for Christmas and it was a big group so the person was diluted if they were a bit awkward.
These days I'm a bit more laid back, tend to put jammie trousers on after dinner for example, and j wouldn't feel comfortable doing this if everyone wasn't well known to me.

I think the key thing is they didn't ask you first. If they had said, would you like to come for Christmas and we might invite other people later, that's fine. If they insinuated that it was just you and them, not cool, and I think you're fine to politely bow out.

It wouldn’t bother me - and I can be quite unsociable, but Christmas is different. It’s lovely that they’ve included her. I would just go and make a bit of effort for your parents sake. I’m always grateful for any invites at Christmas.

Totally understand. I might suck it up for one year and just go for lunch, stay like an hour and then leave.

I'm an army brat so i grew up having various young single soldiers at our house (and at all the neighbours' houses) at Christmas.

It was great, they often had siblings and loved the chance to play snap, or build lego and meccano with us. They helped my mum and dad in the kitchen and we usually had fun.

And as a young single soldier later on, i, too, was invited to a married quarter for my Christmas day. And also had a lot of fun, helped in the kitchen, etc.

I am aghast that someone thinks they can tell their parents what to do at Christmas like this.

YABU.

spot on.

I have to agree with you. My parents do the same and I quite enjoy having someone else around to mix it up a bit.

Haha exactly what I thought!!!! Hello Jackieeeee

I hope there’s a Wilson too. Or a Milson.

I think I’d just be round for dinner for a couple of hours then back home to relax.

I'm a more the merrier type of person so this wouldn't bother me.

But I think you should be careful, this woman may be lovely and nice but you hear a lot of horror stories of people being befriended just to be taken advantage of. I think it's a great opportunity to get to know her a bit better so you can make you own mind up on that front.