AIBU to not want to go to my parents’ for Christmas now they’ve invited a neighbour?

[HotChocAndChaos]

My mum and dad moved into their house less than a year ago, and they’ve become very friendly very quickly with one of their neighbours. A few of us find her a bit weird, she’s very intense, pops round a lot, and tends to insert herself into situations unexpectedly. She can come across as boundary-less, dominates conversations, and generally gives off a bit of a strange vibe.

We were planning to spend Christmas Day at my parents’ with my partner, our child, and my grandad, but they’ve now told us the neighbour will be joining. The reality is we don’t feel comfortable spending the day with someone we barely know, especially around our young child. It would be different if she were a long-standing friend, but they’ve only known her a short time.

I'm aware it's their house and they can invite who they like I just think consulting us beforehand would've been nice. Anyway, I wouldn't ask them to uninvite her but I think we are going to say we are not going anymore.

AIBU to feel like we don’t want to go now, or is that unreasonable?

Big difference between a friend and a random stranger who is homeless (assuming you think they're likely to be dangerous).

"We don't feel comfortable, especially with our young child"

^^ I don't even know now what to say to this. Having a child doesn't make you so special that you get a say on who other people open their homes to. The neighbour is annoying, not a child abuse predator. You're welcome to cook your own lunch at home or host next year.

I cannot believe you aren't being more welcoming of her. I don't doubt she is irritating as fuck but your parents clearly like her and she probably spends more time with them than you do. They are adults making their own life now that you've flown the nest. Which is as it should be.

You wouldn't want them being lonely and this woman is likely to be of great support and comfort to your parents in their later years. So, with respect, I think you need to suck it up and support them living their own lives, as they hopefully have for you: I don't even want to think about how many unsuitable boyfriends I bought home and my parents were utterly charming and welcoming to them because it was my choice and home.

You'd do well to think about how at home you felt growing up and how your parents have supported you over the years before having a tantrum about Christmas because you don't like their friend.

When I moved to my village to start a new life after a traumatic divorce my new neighbour invited me round to spend Christmas with her family. I'd only lived there 3 months.
It was such a kind gesture and thankfully her family agreed. 12 years later we all still spend Christmas together.

We were planning to spend Christmas Day at my parents’ …

but they’ve now told us the neighbour will be joining

The penny has dropped. Inviting the neighbour is a ruse on your parents’ part to dissuade you from coming, @HotChocAndChaos…

yes an brilliant way to make someone feel the joy of Xmas- no companionship, no joy just a tepid meal.

It's one day, and presumably the neighbour would be alone otherwise. I'd go.

How far are you travelling to get there? If it's reasonably local, go for lunch, then make some excuses and leave shortly afterwards. You can both do your bit for peace and goodwill to all men, and have a relaxing day.

If you're traveling far/staying over, can your kids require a run around outside for part of the afternoon to give yourselves a break?

I sort of agree that handling tricky friends/relatives is part of Xmas. It's unlikely this neighbour will be there 9am-7pm. I'd make the best of it.

A full on personality, no boundaries, verbally takes over or words to that effect OP said. No thank you.
So many peeps on here complain about ils being like this and they are advised to go low contact with them / grey rock/ stuff them back into their box.
A person who OP finds a pita is just the same, her parents like this person for their reasons, OP doesn't for her reasons and like the rest of us she is allowed to have her own opinion of woman.

Thid is one of these mindblowing threads where my eyes are opened to how mean spirited some people are.

Maybe your parents are bored to death with you and your family OP and are inviting other people to add a bit of colour to the day? I’ve always found the extra people around the Christmas dinner table really interesting. Hearing about how they celebrate Christmas or other festivals in their family / country.

Personally I think it changes the dynamics. I'd either go and suck it up but leave straight after dinner if she's being intense. Or just say you've changed your mind and stay home. I used to go to everyone's for Christmas dinner and it always included a random person.

The last 10 years I've spent it at home because it's better and I can control the random! I'm an introverted person who doesn't enjoy being grilled and questioned! Much prefer my own immediate family and quiet time!

It's one day - she's not having a relationship with her!

This thread is what’s wrong with modern society.

Self absorbed, precious and not a kind nor empathetic bone to spare. Your post is all me me me.

In your world, is ‘martyr’ synonymous with ‘not being a complete selfish twit’?
Theres no need to cast your aspersions on those of us who are thoughtful enough to include others at Christmas to make yourself feel better about being a dick. Martyr, my arse.

And your point is? OP has a choice in what she wants to do, as do her parents.

I lived abroad for four years and when I first moved out there it was the end of November and I didn't know a soul. I'm not actually a big Christmas person and would have been happy to stay at home and do my own thing. But my colleague was horrified at the idea and invited me to spend the day with her Chilean family. It was such a kind gesture, we all had a lovely time - and a barbecue as it was austral summer! Really made me think about what the season of goodwill meant.

If you really cannot stand her then you are within your rights to curtail your time around her. But I wouldn't just not go for the sake of spending a few hours over a meal with your family. You've also got a heap of negative things to say about someone that you say is practically a stranger. The stuff about your child is wild.

@HotChocAndChaos "The reality is we don’t feel comfortable spending the day with someone we barely know." Well, wouldn't this be the ideal opportunity to get to know her better? Couldn't you commit to your parents to go for a shorter time than the whole day - just for lunch, say - so you can escape if it's not going well?

I don’t blame you OP. I put up with the ‘weird friend’ of mum’s way way too long, the short story is it ended in a massive row (ahh, the joy of Christmas!) one year. Hold your ground, just tell your mum you don’t like this neighbour so won’t come - hopefully she’ll do right by you, tell the neighbour to sod off and have you all over.

Oh yes, OP. You must totally do this 😂

Took me a hot minute. Posts like this make me really, really miss the laughing response

I'd go this year and see how it is. I don't think Christmas has to be about tolerating time with people you find totally unbearable in the name of togetherness, though.

I agree very much with @Nocookiesforme.

You should definitely still go and be pleasant. Partly because your parents might be very hurt if you don't. But also to keep an eye on this neighbour. She might be perfectly harmless but just a little awkward. But if there is anything to worry about in her relationship with your parents you are not going to spot it and help protect them from it if you stay away.

Maybe gran could inly afford to host one additional person. Maybe they were shit company.

Seems unkind to judge an old lady extending an invitation as unkind.

What sort of person expects a recurring invitation anyway?

I'd probably be a bit disappointed to hear the neighbour was coming but doesn't sound like a reason to pull out of the day. Unless you think she poses an actual threat to your child, I'd probably just try & put up with her. She might not be there for the whole time.

Many peeps enjoy extended get togethers that's fine and they have a great time.
All good, BUT I'm referring to the countless hwho complain about their relatives over xmas and every year do all the work, cooking etc while aunty Maud and countless relatives sit on their arses waitting to be waited on. So those who moan about it ARE martyrs because they don't complain or ask for help.
Actually I'm a woman not a male appendge thanks😆

I’ll give you his contact details so you can invite him round for Christmas then shall I? Be careful he doesn’t try and feel you up under the table as well but hey at least some intellectual conversation for you.

It really doesn't matter if others people would be happy about it, the point is you aren't. You dont need to have an unpleasant Christmas day to make your parents happy.

Its ok to tell them you cant make it but suggest another day instead.