AIBU to not want to go to my parents’ for Christmas now they’ve invited a neighbour?

[HotChocAndChaos]

My mum and dad moved into their house less than a year ago, and they’ve become very friendly very quickly with one of their neighbours. A few of us find her a bit weird, she’s very intense, pops round a lot, and tends to insert herself into situations unexpectedly. She can come across as boundary-less, dominates conversations, and generally gives off a bit of a strange vibe.

We were planning to spend Christmas Day at my parents’ with my partner, our child, and my grandad, but they’ve now told us the neighbour will be joining. The reality is we don’t feel comfortable spending the day with someone we barely know, especially around our young child. It would be different if she were a long-standing friend, but they’ve only known her a short time.

I'm aware it's their house and they can invite who they like I just think consulting us beforehand would've been nice. Anyway, I wouldn't ask them to uninvite her but I think we are going to say we are not going anymore.

AIBU to feel like we don’t want to go now, or is that unreasonable?

I was always totally honest with my mum, so if she introduced me to someone and I thought they were dreadful I'd just mention it after that person had departed, so she absolutely ran it by me before inviting her miserly and negative friend to spend Christmas day with us. We weighed it up and decided to invite her.

What a fucking mistake 🤣!

We'd told her "no presents, just bring a nice bottle of wine - we're doing prime rib of beef".

The "nice" bottle of wine was Tesco's ready-mixed Mulled Wine (4% vol, £3.99) and insisted she "couldn't tell the difference" between our no-expense-spared produce and the cheapest alternatives.

She didn't start any conversations but moaned all they way through the Gavin and Stacey Christmas special, which was the one thing we'd been looking forward to watching: "I just can't see the appeal of this programme! It's just silly!"

Fuck me! We laughed so hard after we finally managed to chisel her out of the chair and pay for her taxi home.

Often remenisced about that Christmas day but never want to repeat it!

Edited to specify the price of the mulled wine.

When we invited people for Christmas, it was always for lunch until just after the queen's speech. Family breakfast and presents in the morning, then family chill in the evening.

It's nice to open your home to others at Christmas but it's good to have boundaries and make time for just family time too.

Do you think this woman is a danger to your child? What is the relevance of mentioning you don’t want a stranger around your child? What do you think is going to happen?

I love my parents and love spending Christmas with them. If my parents invited a neighbour I wasn’t that keen on for Christmas, i might be a bit irked by it and worried it would totally change the dynamic, but it wouldn’t stop me from going. But if you’re less close to your parents/less bothered about seeing them then absolutely don’t go. Ultimately, do what works for you!

SIL invited her neighbour to MIL's for Christmas one year (all lived in the same village).
Turns out there was a very good reason why her own family hadn't invited her to their houses - she was fucking awful.
As soon as we finished eating the rest of us buggered off into the other room and left SIL to entertain her

I’m a little bit appalled that on Christmas Day you can’t give your parents the gift of their child and grandchild’s presence just because you’re not that keen on another guest?

A guest who they presumably are fond of and presumably would otherwise be alone?

I’d be so disappointed in my children if that’s how they behaved.

I realise that not everyone is religious but you might want to re-read the story of what you are allegedly celebrating.

Yabu. They have invited her for a reason, maybe they really like her, maybe they dont want her to be on her own at Christmas. No way would a random person, however weird, rob me of the chance to be with my parents on Christmas day. Maybe you will get to know her better and find you like her, but if she is a pain, you can ask your parents not to invite her again. If her intentions towards your parents are suspect, as pp have suggested, it will be good to show her that your parents have family who are involved in their lives.

YABU, I agree with the above poster. I find your kind of attitude really childish and entitled. I have family members who are the same and honestly it just makes them appear ridiculous

If you don’t want to go then don’t go. You sound like you have very firm expectations about the day, so maybe it’s for the best. We have invited relative strangers to our house on Christmas Day, this past two years rather than them being alone for the entire day - that’s kind of the point - you don’t leave people alone for that day. I think your parents are being kind and thoughtful.

In the nicest way, you are being precious.

My Gran, who continues to be the kindest woman in the world, invited a neighbour to Christmas one year. A little old lady in her 90's who had no family. Then another year, invited a man who she knew from the local shopping centre who was an old friend of my aunt's because he also had no family. Made for interesting Christmas dinners.

You're missing the whole point of Christmas in my eyes. You'd rather someone sit alone because you find them a bit irritating so that you can enjoy your Christmas the way you like it.
Forgetting that your parents would like their friend there to join you all. Who cares whether she's a new friend or not? Maybe they'd have been friends 10 years ago had they actually known her!

You are allowed not to go if you dont want to!

As a kid, my parents used to invite my lonely great aunt round for Christmas as she had no family or friends. I now understand why.

She ruined my memories of Christmas by being judgey as heck, criticised everything (including the food my mum spent hours preparing) and we could only watch religious programs on tv because she was staunch Catholic and didnt agree with anything secular. It was honestly miserable. I feel bad saying that but its the truth.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. A relaxed Christmas with your family where you can be yourselves is very different to being on guard or feeling like you need to be on your best behaviour because of a random stranger (to you!). Your parents can invite whoever they like of course but it doesn't mean you need to go too. Perhaps invite them for Boxing Day or something and make it another Christmas Day?

Pretty mean to your parents really. I assume the neighbour has no family to go to so they are just doing a nice thing. All of you not going will ruin your parents Christmas. What do you think the neighbour is going to do to your child? That's a bit of a leap about a bit of a pushy female neighbour, she's probably just lonely. A bit of Christmas charity wouldn't go amiss.

Just say that, as they've changed their plans, you're doing the same. Have a lovely Christmas at yours!

Yes! Even better if the friend announces "hello all" every time they arrive.

There will be several other adults, plus a child to focus on, so the dominating presence of the neighbour will probably be diluted. Plus, she may have a drink, so might relax a bit. If she is being a pain, try to redirect her attention by asking her to pitch in eg help clear the table between courses, pick up the wrapping paper. I don’t mean making her work for her dinner, but just a few tasks that any helpful guest would be prepared to do.
It seems very mean spirited of you to deny your own parents the pleasure of see their family, especially their grandchild, on Christmas Day, because you don’t much like a new neighbour of theirs.

Why were these people only invited once? Seems unkind to raise expectations like that.

Also, the part about their friend being a stranger around your child is bordering on lunacy. Sorry OP.

It's one day. You can make it as special or as dour as you choose. Either way I would go, you probably need to observe the dynamics anyway. Don't forget to get her a 🎁

@Talltreesbythelake well I'm pretty sure that the neighbour died very shortly after.

The man didn't come for Christmas again but I believe it was a very spur of the moment 'i met so and so on Saturday and he's got nowhere to go for Christmas so he's coming to us' kind of thing.

You are worried this neighbour might be a bit dodgy, yes @HotChocAndChaos ? This is the perfect opportunity to really suss her out. I would go. Just leave soon after dinner if it is too painful.

Agree !!! My god !

Hmmm.....this woman gives you 'off' vibes so you should listen to them but be very careful @HotChocAndChaos
Imagine this scenario:
You decide not to go (you may or may not say why) new neighbour (NN) makes sure that they all have the most fabulous time and then next year talks about how last Christmas was just soooo wonderful that they decide on a repeat....without inviting you. NN has had nearly a year to insert herself into your DP's lives by next Christmas and add in other fab events and you've truly 'lost' your DP's. Not an outcome you desire????
Has your mum lacked in close female friends over the years or has she lost some by moving or died etc? There's not enough info here to work out intentions of NN but if she's a chameleon (moulds values/sympathies to target) or a love bomber then you need to tread very carefully to not to isolate yourself from your own parents by default.

In your shoes this is what I would do:
I would go as planned but make an extra fuss of your mum (lots of joy and a big christmas flower bouquet as a thank you for hosting). Make yourself super helpful with doing table, serving, washing up, tidying etc and if NN tries to muscle in just tell her "oh no, it's your christmas too, go and sit, chat to dad, DH - I'll bring you a drink" with a huge smile. Get her a lovely thoughtful small gift - kill her with kindness. Be generous and welcoming. If she won't sit then say "oh I'm just doing this but could you help DC with a toy/check on dad/see if anyone wants a drink - that would be so helpful to me & mum". She can't reasonably refuse. Ask her about herself at dinner and about her history. If NN likes talking about herself then she'll splurge lots but if she's closed mouthed then that's another reason to be cautious about her.

By engaging with her and diverting her, you are establishing your own boundaries with NN going forward. If her intentions are nefarious then she knows that you see her and see may dial it back a bit. It could be that she's genuinely lonely or awkward but spending a day with her will tell you more but keep it to yourself.
The spirit of Christmas is a thing and if she's alone then your DP's are doing the right thing by inviting her as a new friend. You would be unwise to make an issue of it at this stage.

This wouldn’t bother me. But when I was younger and my parents had a come one come all approach to Christmas so I’m pretty used to anyone and everyone being invited in for lunch!

I agree. In my family we include people who would otherwise be alone.

All these peeps talking about extending christmas spirit, I take it some of you are going to invite the homeless person that you see regularly and sometimes give change buy food for around to yours for christmas.🤔Probably not irl.
OP can do christmas as she wants and doesn't have to spend time with anyone she doesn't feel comfortable with.
Rest assured OP, the martyrs on here will be out in force on the day or just after moaning and bitching about ils, who they don't like but feel they have to invite anyway and how their being there ruined christmas.