AIBU to not want to go to my parents’ for Christmas now they’ve invited a neighbour?

[HotChocAndChaos]

My mum and dad moved into their house less than a year ago, and they’ve become very friendly very quickly with one of their neighbours. A few of us find her a bit weird, she’s very intense, pops round a lot, and tends to insert herself into situations unexpectedly. She can come across as boundary-less, dominates conversations, and generally gives off a bit of a strange vibe.

We were planning to spend Christmas Day at my parents’ with my partner, our child, and my grandad, but they’ve now told us the neighbour will be joining. The reality is we don’t feel comfortable spending the day with someone we barely know, especially around our young child. It would be different if she were a long-standing friend, but they’ve only known her a short time.

I'm aware it's their house and they can invite who they like I just think consulting us beforehand would've been nice. Anyway, I wouldn't ask them to uninvite her but I think we are going to say we are not going anymore.

AIBU to feel like we don’t want to go now, or is that unreasonable?

haha! so true 🤣

Regardless of "spirit of Christmas", you don't have a duty in life to please others.
Just that.

The reality is we don’t feel comfortable spending the day with someone we barely know

Well you do seem to know a lot about her actually, so which is it? You sound a bit mean and uncharitable tbh.

She’s probably invited herself. I’d go to make sure she isn’t inserting herself too much.

I wouldn’t have a problem with it myself and it’s a nice thing to do , the only issue I would have is that I know my children won’t relax around strangers and be themsleves which wouldn’t be fair to them on Christmas day

It’s lovely of them to invite her so she’s not alone. But I’d feel exactly the same as you. My parents invited one of the ‘harmless but a little odd’ older men from their congregation for Christmas Day once. It was awkward and they just wanted to discuss religion and theology all day. It ruined it for everyone in the end.

So why does what the op wants overule what her mother wants in her own home?

I won't be inviting homeless people into my home but I will be doing two shifts at the Foodbank that week and donating towards a Christmas day meal at a church. Last year we had three 'extra' guests round the table on Christmas day.

You do you, as they say.

Agree 100%. What a selfish little madam OP is coming across. Jeez!

I'm on the fence on this without further information.

You clearly feel uncomfortable around this neighbour and her interactions with your parents. Have you discussed this with them and are they aware of how you feel?
You mention that ' a few of us find her a bit weird' so you are not the only one who has concerns. A lot of the responses seem to have missed that comment.
Do what you are comfortable with on Christmas Day.

Nice in theory but the reality is there’s probably a reason why (some) people don’t have anyone to spend Christmas Day with… If I couldn’t relax and enjoy Christmas around this stranger - and I couldn’t, I wouldn’t be keen.

And I love all the oh the more the merrier posts, but I’m paying much more attention to the we invited the local loner and it was awful posts.

I think you’re kind of missing the point of Christmas. It’s a kind thing your parents are doing. They are setting a good example of what the Christmas message is about which your child will pick up on. Unlike the message you will be conveying if you stay away to punish your parents for their thoughtfulness.

Crickey! Perish the thought that her parents might want to leave their cash to someone other than OP who comes across as intolerably self absorbed.

I can see both sides. The OP accepted her parents invitation when it was just family attending. Her parents have done a kind thing but it's changed the invitation that she had accepted and changed the dynamic of the day for the OP.

Not wanting to go is perfectly valid. Talk to your parents and explain your reasons. I'm sure a compromise can be found.

Selfish little madam!!! 😆 How old are you and are you my mother? Do make sure you put the OP back in her place!

no but then i am leaving my family to spend Christmas with my elderly mum who can't travel - because last year despite promises, the family who live in the same country couldn't be arsed to even call her.

This is a neighbour who they already know, not some bearded chap who sits outside Aldi asking for change. (stereotype used to illustrate a point)

She's really a stranger to you and the atmosphere will not be the same. I don't like pushy people so would not go. What a shame she's going to ruin what would have been a nice family Christmas.

I would ask myself, why hasn't she got anywhere else to go? seems a bit odd.

Oh my goodness - surely not a female neighbour you only know a little bit, completely supervised in a normal social setting AROUND YOUR YOUNG CHILD 😱😱

It's ridiculous to try and hint at some kind of safeguarding risk. Your parents have a new friend who sounds like she would otherwise be alone for Christmas, and they've invited her to join them. In the spirit of Christmas and friendship. You find her annoying and would rather not spend the day with her. Fair enough, but just own that. No need for the unkind dramatics.

Heaven forfend, an intellectual conversation around the dinner table. I'd be up for theology chat as long as they weren't offended by my atheism.

OP has the choice to stay at home with her p/h and kids. Her parents have the choice to have a guest of their choosing.
Straight forward really, she can see her parents on boxing day.
Let's be honest I think most kids would rather have presents at home on the day then have more at grannys house on boxing day.
For a pagan I'm giving this too much head space, better stop right now.😃

That would not be a reason for me not to go to my parents for Christmas. Christmas is Christmas. Who cares about the neighbour? Just be yourself and let her know if she crosses the boundary - you are the daughter, she is just a neighbour, she should know her place. Please don't ruin your relationship with your parents because of some stranger.

Did your parents come from Eastern Europe?

They’ve ruined the christmas dynamic, not you.
I wouldn’t want to go either, they could have plated a meal if they felt bad - she survived Christmas before they became neighbours. She sounds the type that will be in the will next 🫣

I'm a bit torn on this.

Me, DP and DC live far enough away from our families for the spirit of Christmas to be about reuniting with loved ones we don't get to see very often, and certainly not all at the same time. We look forward to, put a lot of effort into and enjoy the time we spend together at Christmas, especially since some family members have even further to travel than we do.

Inserting a stranger into the scenario, whilst a lovely thing to do in principle, would completely change the vibe and make it a less enjoyable experience, particularly if that person were a bit odd and domineering. That said, if the person genuinely had nowhere else to go and would otherwise be spending the day alone, I think we would struggle not to include them (but perhaps only for a portion of the day).

Hello mum!👋