First Date slapped me on bottom

notacooldad · 16/11/2025 22:07

I wouldnt see him, id send him back to the 1970s if I could.
What a prat.

Donttellempike · 16/11/2025 22:08

highstoolfling · 16/11/2025 22:05

I went on a date last night with someone I’ve known for a year or so. He’s actually my son’s friends dad. He has made huge efforts to woo me. Lots of banter in texts. Saying lovely things about me etc. The date was lovely. He picked me up. Got reservations at my favourite restaurant. All good. Definitely chemistry. When we were at the pub I bent down to help a lady get her coat from behind my chair. My date walloped my bottom. I was mortified. There were lots of people there. Some of them I knew and I had introduced him too. I just feel so compromised. I’m 47 and have had my fair share of lurching hands etc. I just feel so yucky. I won’t see him again. But should I tell him why. My friend says I should give him a second chance. It was just a bit of craic.

Your friend is an idiot

WaffleParty · 16/11/2025 22:09

Definitely no second date! Move on.

Flupiness · 16/11/2025 22:10

WTF. What a prick. And this is him on his best first date behaviour too.

Thebigonesgetaway · 16/11/2025 22:10

Did you say anything at the time?

Sidebeforeself · 16/11/2025 22:11

Is he called Benny Hill?

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 16/11/2025 22:11

Ask him what the fuck he was doing. And why?

bigboykitty · 16/11/2025 22:12

Ditch him and the 'friend'

kittywittyandpretty · 16/11/2025 22:12

Was he drunk? I mean I’m not making any excuses whatsoever for him. I’m just trying to understand how that could possibly have occurred.

Namechangerage · 16/11/2025 22:12

I would try just not texting him again and let it fizzle. If he texts you, depending on what he says, if you feel you need to address it:

“Hi X, unfortunately I don’t want to go on any more dates as I was a bit upset on our last one when you slapped me. You may say it was in jest but it felt gross. I really don’t know what gave you the impression that would ever be ok on a first date, but you should know that this was not ok with me and likely wouldn’t be for a lot of other women”

Original poster

highstoolfling · 16/11/2025 22:13

Thebigonesgetaway · 16/11/2025 22:10

Did you say anything at the time?

I was a bit stunned and embarrassed. It took me an hour or so at home to sort out my feelings. He knew things ended abruptly but he doesn’t seem to know why. I just feel so compromised. Upset even. Cheapened. I’m making too much of this I know. But it’s how I feel

OP posts:

CiderandSprouts · 16/11/2025 22:13

Absolutely tell him why,OP. Otherwise he may try this with another woman and get bopped on the conk/reported! He needs to learn that however nervous/tipsy he is, this is unacceptable.

Namechangerage · 16/11/2025 22:13

highstoolfling · 16/11/2025 22:13

I was a bit stunned and embarrassed. It took me an hour or so at home to sort out my feelings. He knew things ended abruptly but he doesn’t seem to know why. I just feel so compromised. Upset even. Cheapened. I’m making too much of this I know. But it’s how I feel

Show quote history

Why do you think you’re making too much of it?! You’re not!!

HoskinsChoice · 16/11/2025 22:13

I hope you told him? He needs to learn that this is not OK. Either way, if he doesn't know this at his age, he is not for you - you can do better.

Rainbowcat77 · 16/11/2025 22:14

Did you say anything to him at the time?
I think definitely tell him why you don’t want to see him again…it might save the next woman getting the same treatment!

ThisLemonHare · 16/11/2025 22:14

Namechangerage · 16/11/2025 22:12

I would try just not texting him again and let it fizzle. If he texts you, depending on what he says, if you feel you need to address it:

“Hi X, unfortunately I don’t want to go on any more dates as I was a bit upset on our last one when you slapped me. You may say it was in jest but it felt gross. I really don’t know what gave you the impression that would ever be ok on a first date, but you should know that this was not ok with me and likely wouldn’t be for a lot of other women”

Please send him this message. It's excellent and he needs to know.

Hankunamatata · 16/11/2025 22:15

How did you react? What was his reaction to your reaction?

Original poster

highstoolfling · 16/11/2025 22:19

Hankunamatata · 16/11/2025 22:15

How did you react? What was his reaction to your reaction?

Honestly I probably just tried to hide my embarrassment because we were in front of some acquaintances of mine. I then got my coat and we left in a taxi. I got to my house and I wished him good night but made it clear he wouldn’t be coming in. No kiss or anything. 20 years ago I would have accepted this as par for the course. Thankfully we all know better now.

OP posts:

HoppityBun · 16/11/2025 22:20

Namechangerage · 16/11/2025 22:12

I would try just not texting him again and let it fizzle. If he texts you, depending on what he says, if you feel you need to address it:

“Hi X, unfortunately I don’t want to go on any more dates as I was a bit upset on our last one when you slapped me. You may say it was in jest but it felt gross. I really don’t know what gave you the impression that would ever be ok on a first date, but you should know that this was not ok with me and likely wouldn’t be for a lot of other women”

“A bit upset?

You don’t refuse a 2nd date because you’re “a bit upset”. Why be mealy mouthed?

”I did not like it when you slapped my backside. It wasn’t appropriate for a first date and I was also embarrassed that this happened in public. I think we have different standards. Best wishes “

BunnyLake · 16/11/2025 22:21

highstoolfling · 16/11/2025 22:13

I was a bit stunned and embarrassed. It took me an hour or so at home to sort out my feelings. He knew things ended abruptly but he doesn’t seem to know why. I just feel so compromised. Upset even. Cheapened. I’m making too much of this I know. But it’s how I feel

Show quote history

Tell him why. He needs to stop that kind of behaviour so best he’s not continuing to do it to others in his pig ignorance.

Definitely dump as he shouldn’t even need telling, but the fact he does shows he’s a man with a mentality straight out of the 70s.

MasterBeth · 16/11/2025 22:23

You are not over-reacting.

He behaved terribly. It’s technically a sexual assault. What a fucking sleaze. You should absolutely tell him why and something like the message upthread is a good start (although I would be much more direct and less apologetic).

“Hi X, that’s the last date I’m going on with you.

I could not believe it when you slapped me on the behind. That’s a sexual assault, you know - hugely gross and disrespectful. I really don’t know what gave you the impression that would ever be ok, but you should know that this was not ok with me and likely wouldn’t be for a lot of other women.

You’re obviously not the person I hoped you might be.”

murasaki · 16/11/2025 22:24

You're not making too much of it at all. It'd be a no from me. But do tell him why, your post above said it well.

FightingFair · 16/11/2025 22:26

Tell him. He needs to know he totally blew it by being a total arsehole Neanderthal. Not only did you find him slapping you offensive but he did this in front of others humiliating you. Tell him you were very interested, but his behavior has left you cold and you want nothing to do with him.

bigboykitty · 16/11/2025 22:27

I don't think you owe him an explanation (he knows anyway) and you definitely shouldn't overexplain. If you want to tell him why, you could just say 'I don't date people who slap me'. Nothing further.

GinaandGin · 16/11/2025 22:28

Urghh the friend trying to undermine assualt as , "just a bit of craic"