First Date slapped me on bottom

[highstoolfling]

I went on a date last night with someone I’ve known for a year or so. He’s actually my son’s friends dad. He has made huge efforts to woo me. Lots of banter in texts. Saying lovely things about me etc. The date was lovely. He picked me up. Got reservations at my favourite restaurant. All good. Definitely chemistry. When we were at the pub I bent down to help a lady get her coat from behind my chair. My date walloped my bottom. I was mortified. There were lots of people there. Some of them I knew and I had introduced him too. I just feel so compromised. I’m 47 and have had my fair share of lurching hands etc. I just feel so yucky. I won’t see him again. But should I tell him why. My friend says I should give him a second chance. It was just a bit of craic.

I think you’re quite right, but last time I said this, just as ODFOD, in response to somebody who was actually saying something nasty and aggressive to me, I was the one deleted!

Wait - sex drive is directly equated to how much you tolerate being slapped on the arse in public, on a first date? Why did nobody tell us?

Also, ‘man here!’ vibes!

This was not a tap, he walloped her hard, while she was bent over doing something else, in front of people they knew - who will probably now be wrongly assuming they're sleeping together.

The irritation factor of being made to jump by someone doing this when you're in the middle of doing something else cannot be understated, notwithstanding the fact that it was hard. She likely bumped her head on that chair - I am SO FUCKING OVER people doing this when I'm bent over because it ALWAYS makes me jump and bang my head. 🤬🤬🤬🤬 Hasn't happened in years since I live alone now, but I well remember how irritating it was. You start feeling tense and like you can't bend over to do ANYTHING.

You can obviously feel what you feel and it’s normal to like what happened.

From my perspective, as a 40 year old woman, if someone I know bends over I really have to master self control to smack their bum!

Yes, that would really give me the ick, even in an empty room let alone in front of people you know 😱

What?

Personally i would just send a polite but firm thanks for the dinner but I’ll leave it there. He’s your son’s friends dad and I wouldn’t want to create issues for my son. Whether or not he works out why isn’t your problem

What a dick, great to hear you’ve ditched him OP, so many wouldn’t have done and ended up in a horrible situation further down the line.

No, it’s definitely not right, but you should tell him. Would I not see him again would depend on whether he knows what he did wasn’t acceptable, but like another poster I am 64 and have had my share of bum slapping, pinching etc, I also did the same 40 odd years ago.

Omg! I would’ve hated this. It’s no more craic than if you had grabbed his genitals or walloped him, both of which would’ve been seen as weird. Glad you can recognise red flag behaviour when you see it. DH has never slapped my bottom in public or outside of a ‘messing around’ type situation. It’s so disrespectful.

I didn’t accept it years ago! I got smacked on the bottom by a 60+ year old RAC man aged 19 when my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I had to get in his recovery truck with him and was terrified. I reported him.
Used to get smacked and grabbed all the time in night clubs. Never let it go! I’d whip round and have a go at the men who did it.

No it’s your body he doesn’t get to decide how to treat you. Definitely not ok. Your friend may have reacted differently. But you know how you felt. Plus it’s definitely ok to not have said anything you were shocked. You don’t owe him an explanation either.

This is sexual assault and you would be quite entitled to report him to the police. I expect he has form for this.
if he’d do this in public goodness knows what he’d do in private. 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩

I'm in my fifties, have lots of mates from all walks of life, and can't think of a single bloke that would think this is acceptable. I mean, it's just sexual assault isn't it?

It was a “proper hard wallop”.

If he hit her anywhere else hard on her body surely you wouldn’t say she should keep an open mind? Why is it more acceptable somehow because he hit her on the arse?

It’s not, it just adds a layer of humiliation as it’s an action that’s sexualised.

It was well-deserved and I won't mind if I get deleted 😊

Solidarity 👊😀

The 'huge efforts to woo me' would have me questioning whether he was love-bombing, too. You've possibly had a lucky escape.

You are completely unmatched OP, count yourself lucky he showed himself on the first date. Absolutely grim behaviour, but there is a type that finds this sort of thing flirtatious and sexy. Unfortunately for him he misread you. Bin him.

As a guy, this date was a bellend, end of story!

That’s awful op, you are quite right not to see him again. As for not saying anything at the time, that’s quite a normal reaction. I have been in similar situations where I have been so stunned, I just want to get out of there asap.

What a twat. I don’t think you need to explain why you won’t be seeing him again. Unless he’s completely clueless he will connect the dots. Don’t give him the opportunity to downplay it or accuse you of having no sense of humour or being over dramatic.

You don't describe the circumstances of your frankly grim first date so I'm going for the nearest approximation to that of the OP: sexual assault.