First Date slapped me on bottom

[highstoolfling]

I went on a date last night with someone I’ve known for a year or so. He’s actually my son’s friends dad. He has made huge efforts to woo me. Lots of banter in texts. Saying lovely things about me etc. The date was lovely. He picked me up. Got reservations at my favourite restaurant. All good. Definitely chemistry. When we were at the pub I bent down to help a lady get her coat from behind my chair. My date walloped my bottom. I was mortified. There were lots of people there. Some of them I knew and I had introduced him too. I just feel so compromised. I’m 47 and have had my fair share of lurching hands etc. I just feel so yucky. I won’t see him again. But should I tell him why. My friend says I should give him a second chance. It was just a bit of craic.

Send him packing. Tell him why. Don't accept any excuses or attempts to make light of it.

This is a more concise response as suggested by @HoppityBun above.

Don’t make it too wordy. He’ll come back otherwise with comments you might not like.
Just dump him asap.
^^
”I did not like it when you slapped my backside. It wasn’t appropriate for a first date and I was also embarrassed that this happened in public. I think we have different standards. Best wishes “

Thank you everyone. The validation means so much. It was a rotten situation and if I had my time again I would say it to him. But I have a slow processor. When he asks again I will tell him no and why. He can then satisfy himself that I’m a prude and no bloody craic. In my experience these types are incorrigible

Eurgh why are some men just such a disappointment?

I’d feel the same OP. And I don’t think I’d be able to change my mind, however great the date was otherwise. What a horrible way to behave.

He won’t come back if she blocks him when she sends the message, which she should.

I’m surprised how many posters feel it’s your job to educate him- it’s not.

It’s not even doing the next woman he happens across a favour, because at least you haven’t wasted a lot of time on Mr Slappy

I’d rather be a prude than a twat, which is what he is.

You need to think much more about what you think and much less about what everyone else thinks. Him, and your mate, have really low standards.

Grim! Run for the hills. What a creep.

Eurgh don’t blame you for being put off op.

it’s letchy and totally unnecessary in my and most women’s opinion.

I probably would have turned round and whacked him in the balls and asks if he liked it in front of people but that’s me.

im a similar age to you and have lost all tolerance for bad behaviour like that

Was it a playful tap or a full on slap? Context is important here. If the latter, then certainly unacceptable on a first date.

A proper hard wallop!

He can fuck off with a “playful tap”, too.

Context is irrelevant. Have you heard about consent?

You are not making too much of it. It was a first date and a virtual stranger. A husband and wife might play in private like that but nobody has ever done that to me in public - nor have I ever witnessed it.

Urgh gross! I wouldn’t even want my husband to slap my bottom like that in public never mind a first date!

Disagree. It’s not the job of women to train men , and his current behavior is an excellent indicator that he’s to be avoided at all costs.

He’s lucky you didn’t wallop him round the chops in reply.
I’d let him know why you’re sacking him off. Pervy letch.

He’d be the sort of bloke that constantly paws at you, grabs your boobs and arse etc, wouldn’t he? Slapping your arse in public on a first date means he’s hit the low point very quickly indeed.

Eww - YANBU.

@MasterBeth I have been on many a first/early date where we’ve had a smooch and been a bit ‘hands on’ - it would have been a tad awkward to have suddenly stopped and asked each other! There’s an element of common sense.

1974 is on the phone , sexual assault is ok if no bruises👍

Oh that’s even worse. A playful tap would have still been Benny hill like but to use force well that’s really not on at all. Who the fuck does he think he is. When you text him say “whacking a woman’s arse in public is a guarantee to turn someone off” and if he says it was a joke, just say something jokes are funny & your humour seems to be stuck in the 70s.

its demeaning and let’s not mess around, it was a proper hard wallop. Does he think striking a woman is funny? You’ve dodged a bullet. Alternatively you could just say “sorry there’s simply no attraction on my part” and dodge any drama. It’s not your job to teach him not to be a prick.

Yeah, I know the difference between a consensual kiss and cuddle and an unexpected slap from behind, thanks.

The OP gave you the context ..which is highly inappropriate unwarranted touching…your ‘context’ question is the rubbish that reasons away the harms women face day after day.

I'm also one who takes a bit of time to process something and once I've reflected I can become even more angry as you realise the situation more. But I would tell him now, mainly so he understands how inappropriate it is because unfortunately we have to educate some of these "men" who think it's "just a bit of fun" and sometimes their poor attempt to take it to the next level.
I find it quite alarming how comfortable they seem to get so quickly. Tell him he crossed a line and actually I would say how he made you feel embarrassed and disrespected in front of your acquaintances. You don't owe him an explanation but I think it will make you feel better telling him exactly how it is.

I would feel just as confused and upset as you. I am a divorcee, in a second relationship but I remember at 40 when single again and everyone was coupled up how rare it was to find some one single for starters, but with chemistry that's a rare thing.
So you might feel that's a dead end with this man or you might leave it a week, tell him what upset you and see how he reacts. If he says you should lighten up, it's a definite end. If he says he feels awful, was over excited and is hideously embarrassed... I would give it another go knowing that you have set a clear expectation going forward. Men you fancy at our age are quite rare!