To ask: Married ladies, what’s one reality check single women need to hear?

[BeforeTheRingBlinds]

Not the cliché stuff like “marriage takes work” or “communication is key”, we’ve heard that a million times. I mean the real stuff. The things no one really warns you about. The moments that blindside you. The shifts that happen after the ring or after kids or even just in the daily grind. What’s one truth you wish someone had told you before you got married, especially something that might surprise or sober up those of us who are still single?

AIBU to think that behind all the cute photos and wedding hype, there’s a whole layer of marriage that’s rarely spoken about?

(And yes, I’m ready for honesty not doom.)

He eats too loudly

I do love journos hunting for content on mumsnet.

The wedding day is irrelevant. What you really need is someone who will always be on your team.

Are you writing an article? I’ve never heard anyone talk like that in normal life.

I feel this, when I divorced the ex, one of the most immediate things that just made me realise I was better off single was not having to listen to chewing anymore!

I’m not a journalist, just genuinely curious. People give very filtered advice about marriage so I wanted the unfiltered version.

There is no one truth because everyone is different. Stupid question.

Perhaps not all us lowly single women aspire to be married ladies, OP. Or to have our reality checked by them, for that matter.

They need to be your best friend. Don't go looking for someone with the most money or perfect muscles, go looking for someone you genuinely get on with and you want to spend your time with!

Just remember: for better for worse, in sickness and in health & for richer and poorer. You'll most likely experience all of this throughout your marriage.

The question was really aimed at those who are married and feel like sharing. If it’s not relevant to you, feel free to skip the thread.

I think, although it sounds like you want to hear any version of 'it's not all it's cracked up to be', as people have usually been with their partner for a number of years by the time they get married there are no major surprises. We had lived together for three years on our wedding day, and the marriage was a solidification of our existing relationship.

Anyone’d think this ‘marriage’ thing was pretty new, or had until recently been illegal, or très niche.
Surely to God there’s not much left that hasn't already been thoroughly masticated by statistics, fiction, movies and tv drama, and extremely common knowledge.
As for this ‘filtering’ you report: nah.

btw what gives with your use of ‘married ladies’ (🤮) vs ‘single women’?

I’m married, but I’m not a ‘lady’ 🤮

I’d say marry someone kind, who comes from a nice drama-free family.

He breathes.

The surprise to me (second time round) was how much better our relationship felt by getting married. It feels like we’re in it together. I wasn’t in that space before

All the cliches - they don’t change, having children won’t improve a relationship etc etc - are all tried and true.

ultimately if it’s not all bloody fantastic before you get married it definitely won’t be afterwards

everyone should have pre marriage counselling - the amount of unsaid expectation you both carry into a marriage is extraordinary. What marriage means, what should change, what should be shared - everything that should happen now you’re married. This would be my most important piece of advice. You need to understand what each of you are carrying.

Eh ...
Only marry if it significantly improves your life.
Otherwise, no need to sacrifice yourself for a life with a man/children.
Speaking for myself.
Married for 20 years, no kids, all good.

I just find people are more candid in real conversations than in films or statistics. That’s why I asked. And married ladies vs single women wasn’t meant that deeply, just casual wording.

I love DH, I love DS, but my life would be so much easier if I lived alone. Less housework, less responsibility, less remembering for other people.
Wife-work is definitely real. You end up judged even for things that other members of your immediate family do/ don't do.

What’s your situation OP? You’re asking people to share information about their own relationships, why don’t you share personal information..

Are you male or female
Are you single or in a relationship? Are you planning to marry?
If you’re in a relationship, is it happy? How long have you been together? How do you thing marriage might change it?

I think marriage is outdated and benefits men far more than it does women.

Stay independent, and he gets to love you on your terms.

It's like you've written a shit synopsis for a really bad self-published book about "singletons"

Just don't do it, unless you want to have children.

He’ll change. And so will you.

Don’t think that you can change anything. What you see is what you get.