To ask: Married ladies, what’s one reality check single women need to hear?

[BeforeTheRingBlinds]

Not the cliché stuff like “marriage takes work” or “communication is key”, we’ve heard that a million times. I mean the real stuff. The things no one really warns you about. The moments that blindside you. The shifts that happen after the ring or after kids or even just in the daily grind. What’s one truth you wish someone had told you before you got married, especially something that might surprise or sober up those of us who are still single?

AIBU to think that behind all the cute photos and wedding hype, there’s a whole layer of marriage that’s rarely spoken about?

(And yes, I’m ready for honesty not doom.)

Marriage isn’t perfect. He won’t be perfect - but neither are you. No one is. However, that doesn’t mean marriage isn’t wonderful. Mine has been.

Everyone settles to some degree, you may as well be pragmatic about it. Think less emotionally and more practically. Sometimes it’s a bit like running a small non-profit. It can be boring and stressful. But it’s infinitely rewarding and can enhance your life.

Choose wisely. Love isn’t everything, and doesn’t conquer all. The most important decision you make is the father of your children.

I’m just asking generally. I’m not looking to make the thread about my personal relationship details, I just wanted to hear people’s different experiences and perspectives.

what an odd thread, you don’t want to explain why you want to discuss candidly the realities of long term relationships / marriage, but would like us to believe you are genuinely interested in our nuggets?

Your husband will enjoy wanking in the shower and you’ll enjoy the lie in that affords you and the environmental savings of no used tissues?

OK assuming your genuine then.

Trust your instincts and listen to your gut. Any doubts abort. Abort. Abort.

1st marriage I wanted to pull out but did not let myself. Slept badly, became bridezilla, the whole works. Over in a year after a 7 year relationship.

2nd marriage, night before slept like a baby, woke up excited and happy practically ran to the registry office. Immediately wanted and made babies the hard times are easier in comparison.

Listen to your gut.

That's no lady - that's my wife! (Take my mother in law, etc)

Oh yeah and that 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Don’t get married until you’re happy living alone. It gives you the power to stand up and defend your boundaries, and removes the fear of separating. If you are choosing to stay rather than fearing to leave, I think that’s healthy and powerful.

Marriage is easy. Until you have kids.

If you suspect for even one minute that he might be gay don’t marry him because in all likelihood he will turn out to be gay.

What are you experiences and perspectives?

I’m not getting into personal details or shock-bait replies. I just wanted people’s perspectives, not this.

Get a lot of therapy before you pick a man. Learn to love yourself. Then ignore ZERO red flags.

Married ladies?

I think you mean "married women", OP.
I'd say that, even in the happiest of marriages, both spouses need to retain a reasonable level of independence. So please don't rely on your husband for everything (both practical and emotional), because one day he may not be there. Not to mention the fact that having your own separate hobbies/activities/friends makes you a more interesting person.

Discuss how you will raise your kids. Everyone assumes their childhood is normal and wants to do the same. The reality is even similar childhoods can be vastly different.

@DancefloorAcrobatics This wasn't in our vows, although I appreciate the sentiment.
My advice would be don't put up with anything less than fair teamwork (from both parties). Both work, both contribute financially, but also both contribute fairly to everything else.

I’ve seen very different experiences around me - some friends who love marriage and some who struggled with the transition, which is why I wanted a wider range of perspectives. I’m more interested in the general patterns than turning this into a thread about me personally.

@BeforeTheRingBlinds You don’t have to like each others friends. And it's OK to not compromise.

Firstly
When looking for a man
You need one with a drill and a toolbox ,and he needs to know how to use them .
That is up high with being good in bed ..in fact probably higher.

Secondly
don't look for perfection,it doesn't exist,you do need to compromise on your expectations

Thirdly
they like the chase ,don't hand it to them on a plate and then wonder why they cold on you

Fourthly
don't move in together/ have babies / buy a house together ,and then wonder why they don't want to get married ..they have nothing to gain then ...see number 3.

I just meant women who are married, nothing deeper than that! Just looking to hear from people with first-hand experience.

I married an average human normal man who is no more or less perfect than me, we both have our faults but accept each other as we are, there is no conspiracy.

He is who I married and remains so, if there is red flags after 30 years no idea what they are

@Icybird56 I didn't need a man with a drill and a toolbox...DIY!! Unless he needs a woman who cooks all his meals and washes all of his clothes?
Also, I had a baby with my husband before he married me (Covid happened). Why wouldn't he have wanted to after our daughter was born?

Tolstoy said "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." but apparently he was wrong and it's the other way around, all unhappy families are alike, each happy family is happy in its own way.

You're getting a hard time here OP. I took you to mean married or in a long term relationship with kids. People can share their experiences or not. If not then jog on.

I'm married 30 years
He had a very long chase with me , in fact we got engaged before we had sex.
My standards were high for a relationship,we didn't sleep together for 6 months .
I would do exactly the same again..it weeds out the men from the boys ..
If they are not prepared to wait my time ,then they are not worth my time
Know your worth ladies