To ask: Married ladies, what’s one reality check single women need to hear?

[BeforeTheRingBlinds]

Not the cliché stuff like “marriage takes work” or “communication is key”, we’ve heard that a million times. I mean the real stuff. The things no one really warns you about. The moments that blindside you. The shifts that happen after the ring or after kids or even just in the daily grind. What’s one truth you wish someone had told you before you got married, especially something that might surprise or sober up those of us who are still single?

AIBU to think that behind all the cute photos and wedding hype, there’s a whole layer of marriage that’s rarely spoken about?

(And yes, I’m ready for honesty not doom.)

The also have the highest divorce rate I think.

@SeaAndStars We were both quite old and it was second wedding for both of us - 41 and 44! Being totally honest it does break my heart a little bit we only have one decent photo but we simply couldn't afford the expense of a professional photographer and wanted to enjoy the day. In retrospect I'd have tried harder to be able to find the money for one, but the main thing is it really was the most magical day ever (4 days before Christmas because we're both nuts!!) ❤️

A date night is getting ready in the same room and leaving the house together. If you have kids, you’re usually stressed by the time you get out.
I wouldn’t change it though.

37 years together, coming up 35 married. You never stop learning about each other.

@ThatChristmasMug

https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-health-and-wellness/new-research-helps-explain-lesbians-report-orgasms-straight-women-rcna146661

Here’s one, but there’s plenty.

It’s easier to lose yourself without noticing. I’ve recently reflected on how much in my life is chosen by someone else- we use sensodyn toothpaste because he has sensitive teeth, we eat dairy free no spice meals due to his allergies/preference
his preferred laundry detergent etc

this sounds controlling, it’s not. I could just choose differently but it’s always just felt easier for us to use/eat the same thing. But recently I have been reflecting and wondering how many on my choices are the go to in our household and I really can’t think of anything!

4/10

Deadly. I never joke about pastry - it is an art form (cool fingers are the trick my dears so don’t be doing anything manly and horrid like running or sweating in a gym - also because men hate that kind of thing - they want their women fragrant at all times)

Now il have to leave MN for a bit and get hubby’s drink mixed - he’s due home from work soon. An emergency this time - Angela from HR was trapped in a toilet cubicle and dh is the only one who knows how to sort it out! Apparently the doors in the ladies are often tricky - dh gets called out at least 3 times a week for this reason - it’s rather annoying!

The OP lost me at "ladies". Twee and Bleurghhh.

Very strange question, most people don’t marry a stranger. Do you think you get married and bang your partner changes

No!

Quit. Be alone for a few years. Learn to enjoy life and find out who you are.

Then, and only then, if you want to, marry again... to someone who lightens your burden and brightens every day.

You started the thread, you are curious. Are you married or single (apologies if you have said, read thread briefly, will go back).

You obviously have an opinion on this, so give us your take.There is a thread about “miserable old farts” they might give you material.

I would say that there are few positive threads about marriage on MN because women can and should LTB at any sign of contention in a relationship, according to MN.

On the other hand MNetters reach out for advice, guidance, support and healing when things wobble or don’t work out.

But you don’t need to be married to be in a committed relationship. All relationships have their problems, we are all flawed. Some relationships/marriages work, some don’t but whether we are married or not we are getting through or not.

I do personally believe in marriage, now. After 11 years together, my then partner proposing every year. Eventually he caught me off guard and I said yes. Been married for 7 years now,
we have been through hell and high water, but you know what we always say with a big sigh is “we did it”.

Probably don’t get married if you really really want an equal partnership. I honestly don’t think you can have children and be married and still have an ‘equal’ partnership in every way.

I forgot to add, you committed a cardinal sin,
MNetters are not ladies.

Expect hard work, difficulties, storms and check out the family before you marry the person, because they will have a considerable effect on your life. Sisters, brothers, mothers. If things go well, it is worth it, but it also needs people to blame themselves if something goes wrong, not to always find blame with the other person. However a lot of people today are not up to the challenge of marriage. They expect everything to be perfect, from fairy tale programming of childhood. Good luck.

I'm happy to share but wondering who I'm addressing -

Is it women about to get married to get ready for the changes in their relationship?
Or
Women who are single?

I mean my pearl of wisdom would be 'Don't fucking do it'

The word 'girlies' is also all over Instagram. Yuck.

Office girlies! Here's my top job hunting tips.

Goth girlies! Here's my fav make-up!

From what I observe all around and on here, the number 1
Ldont become a mug once you have children

Don't do it all like some sort of mug, make him do his fair share

He sneezes like a bomb going off. But otherwise he’s not a bad old bugger really.

Don't leave yourself without monthly income coming in, directly into your own bank account

How old are you OP? My advice is age dependent..

Had a great relationship before marriage and have a great relationship after. It’s all good here! Even with children!

It’s open to everyone, married women sharing their real experiences and single women (like me) listening and learning. I’m not asking for advice for a specific situation, just interested in the realities people don’t usually talk about.

I don't think I understand the question. There isn't some great secret. We love each other, we get on, we run our home together, we enjoy each others' company. Of course we annoy each other sometimes, you can't live together and never ever annoy each other, but it's not an issue. My life is better for having him in it and as far as I am aware he feels the same. We like each other. We're suited. We're friends and the sex is good.

I do value alone time now that it's harder to get, and over the summer he took the kids on a couple of trips leaving me with the house to myself for a couple of days, which was amazing. I would be lonely if it was all the time, though (I know not everyone would feel that way but I would).

I don't know. My marriage is happy. I'm grateful. The older I get, the luckier I realise I am.