To think my friend was racist, rude or both?

[RicottaOtter]

I was talking to a friend this morning. This friend is very concerned about excessive immigration to the UK, and plans to vote reform at the next general election because she believes only reform have the guts to tackle the problem properly. I was listening and not saying anything when this friend suddenly said, ‘Don’t worry - you’ll be okay, because of your husband, and you’re a mother to English children…’

I was gobsmacked at first - then realised she was talking about my ethnicity (one quarter English/one quarter white South African but originally English/half East European Jewish). I’ve lived in England my entire life and as far as I’m concerned I’m as English as this friend who was talking to me - whatever my ancestry might be.

Now, remember, this friend was (I think?) trying to be nice and reassuring (‘Don’t worry, you’ll* be okay’) - but I felt quite horrified and angry to have this said to me - am I being unreasonable?

Yeah she's an idiot and a massive racist and anti-Semite. You're friends with this individual because...?

I'm afraid your friend is showing her true colours - sadly she sounds very ignorant and certainly racist. Although she might have phrased it as reassurance, the fact is that she sees you as "other" and not fully British because of your heritage. She is either stupid, or very unpleasant, or most likely both.

Sadly, she has told you how she really perceives you.

My dd is mixed race. It completely does my head in that some people somehow perceive her to be less British/less English than I am, but I have realised over time that there are actually lots of people who think like that.

It's nonsense, of course. But it's quite useful when people tell you who they are, as you can at least choose to edit them out of your life.

I'm sorry that you had to experience this, and hope that you are OK.

That’s shocking! I’m not sure I could continue the friendship.

She’s not only being racist, but possibly indicating she’d be on board with actual fascism. When she says “you’ll be alright as you have an English husband / kids”, is she suggesting she would be cool with someone of your ethnicity being deported? And to where? One leg to South Africa?)

She is absolutely racist, and I wouldn't have anything more to do with her.

Yep - I’m not sure I am cool with continuing the friendship, actually. Bit awks cos she’s in my house right now and we’re meant to be spending whole weekend together!!

I like to think id have been able to come up with some kind of comeback like 'are you actually okay, because you've clearly spent a lot of time thinking about my genetic heritage and I find it a bit weird' but I think id have been in shock. Sorry you had to listen to this crap, and im sorry that you're going through the horror that is realising someone you care about isnt who you thought they were.

Oh god, that is awkward.

You would be perfectly reasonable to ask her to leave if you want her to. But I understand you might not be up for the scene which that would inevitably create.

Absolutely this, you don’t even need to ask if she was being racist!! No doubt a complete eye opener to you that she considered you any less British than herself, I would of been shocked under the same circumstances too

She sounds thick as mince OP. Make your excuses and get her to go home!

Tell her what you think then tell her to get the fuck out of your house.
I had a colleague say I was okay to stay in England,
as is DP, and not the ‘sort’ of immigrants we need to get rid of … I presume thats because we’re both white. I told him exactly what I thought of him. I also pointed out that as a dual British citizen there’s fuck all he or Reform could do about getting rid of me anyway. The twat.

Yes!

This is the damage the propaganda on social media/GB News is doing. People being absolutely ok with telling their friends they're racist and anti-Semitic. Because they assume you think the same.

She's telling you that she sees you as 'other'. But it's ok, because you have a white English husband. So you're acceptable and her voting for racists won't affect her friend (she thinks). Has she not heard the Leopards Eating Faces Party joke?

I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to be around her anymore. I can see it's difficult though - perhaps try to engage and make her see reality this weekend.

I’d straight up ask her to leave. She fucked around and now deserves to find out.

They say. Now. Who knows what happens if they get into power.

Im so sorry love. I think if I was in your position, I would ask her to leave…

I ended a long standing friendship this week after someone very deliberately used an ableist slur in conversation (had no idea they were that kind of person)- I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with people these days. Or rather I do, and it’s horrifying.

Right - that’s exactly what she was saying. That was her point. But I still felt insulted - cos I’m as British/English as her, apart from on some obscure genetic level, perhaps!

How to totally miss the entire point of the thread!!!

Are you only upset that she’s insulted you, or do you also feel upset that she’s just generally racist/ believes in stripping citizenship and deporting people who have just as much right to be here as any of us?

@IFoundThem Are you OK? Because you sound just like said friend.

it’s all very laughable. What is pure British? Is she 100% Celt? If not her ancestors were all immigrants.