To think my friend was racist, rude or both?

[RicottaOtter]

I was talking to a friend this morning. This friend is very concerned about excessive immigration to the UK, and plans to vote reform at the next general election because she believes only reform have the guts to tackle the problem properly. I was listening and not saying anything when this friend suddenly said, ‘Don’t worry - you’ll be okay, because of your husband, and you’re a mother to English children…’

I was gobsmacked at first - then realised she was talking about my ethnicity (one quarter English/one quarter white South African but originally English/half East European Jewish). I’ve lived in England my entire life and as far as I’m concerned I’m as English as this friend who was talking to me - whatever my ancestry might be.

Now, remember, this friend was (I think?) trying to be nice and reassuring (‘Don’t worry, you’ll* be okay’) - but I felt quite horrified and angry to have this said to me - am I being unreasonable?

Labelling everything as "racist" when it is not just means that people see you as unpleasant and wish to avoid you. That fuels division, it does not reduce it. I'm sorry that the virtue signalling cant see that they are the problem, but not surprised.

Farage will be a disaster. Therefore this sort of virtue signalling nonsense has to be called out. Immigration is not the issue, it's just a distraction from the failure of all political parties to manage an economy in decline.

You really just keep on spouting the same rubbish that the OP’s friend was spouting. You repeating over and over that Reform won’t take passports off certain people (but may do to others) is exactly the kind of behaviour that decent people have a problem with.
You are obviously attempting to promote Reform by telling some people here that they’ll ‘be okay’ on your technicalities.
Reform are racist. You are in some kind of denial. Brainwashed maybe, repeating the same offensive rubbish over and over like a mantra. You appear to be part of the problem. If the ‘native Brits’ wanted to get up off their backsides they would have but I fear they are too busy watching GB News.

The friend literally said she would be treated differently if she wasn’t married to a white man. What aren’t you understanding?

And what they might do when they get in? To use a historical analogy- Hitler didn't get elected promising a Holocaust, just anti-Jewish laws at first. The Nuremberg Laws took two years.

Look at what’s happened under Trump and all the Latinos etc who actually voted for him. They’re not going “only after criminals”, in fact they are going mostly after perfectly ordinary people that can be picked up at their place of work or as they attempt to follow due immigration process and turn up in court etc. So who knows what Reform would do once given the chance?

Im not sure this is a relevant Q. There is no suggestion that the UK isn't the OP's home. From her post, she clearly lives here - like the rest of us. So Im struggling to understand the reason for this Q which across as a bit aggressive.

Not all fascists are Nazis. Most gained power through legitimate, constitutional routes. What they have in common is the way in which they scapegoat and create a rhetoric of the 'other' - fuel a sense of entitlement and stollen opportunity with certain groups in society, especially the poor - undermine the press to control the narrative - talk about a 'broken system' before changing it to suit their own ends - tend towards nationalism and isolationism - gather around specific charismatic individuals - garner support from the wealthy and poor alike.

Most importantly - they don't tell you their plans until they are in a position to action them - which is what makes them dangerous.

Why shouldn’t she?

Denying racism when it's staring you in the face also tends to mean that people see you as unpleasant. And that too fuels division.

People can choose to look away if they wish. It doesn't make the racism any less racist.

In what way is it not racist to think a non-white British citizen is only going to be ‘fine’ because she’s married to a white British citizen?
Not calling racism racism isn’t helping. And it’s not ‘virtue signalling’ to be outraged by this sort of racism.
‘Virtue signalling’ as a phrase is as revealing as the use of ‘woke’ as an insult.

Well said.

Nazis gained power through legitimate, constitutional routes. Then they accelerated their racism and authoritarianism.

Oh no! She sounds both racist and stupid. Sorry that you have had to find out like this.

I would bring her back to the conversation op as she is staying with you. “ What you said earlier, you do realise I am British?” And see where you go from there. My partner is black and he is treated differently to me (white) on a regular basis, it’s infuriating.

Absolutely... but I think it kills the debate if you call everyone a Nazi... just a single form of fascism among other dangerous forms.

She can vote how she likes. I don’t really know much about reform apart from enough to know I wouldn’t vote for them. However her reasons for voting reform are based on what she perceives as getting rid of outsiders (as she sees them)

Saying OP would be ok is no better than saying you don’t like black people but a black person you know is ok. I know someone who many years ago would say things like that as if it is ok to denigrate a whole race but see one person as ok and think that makes it better.

I wouldn’t vote struggle to be friends with your friend and her views don’t relate to me at all so I can only imagine how it has made you feel.

So basically, you're not okay. Your husband made you okay.

Lol.

I agree, it is unpleasant, but surely you are not denying the natives the right to express their feelings? If people don't want to be over-run, they at least have the right to express their concerns? It is up to you if you want to keep your friendship with them or not, but it is not up to you to police their speech, there is enough policing in place already for those brave enough to say what everybody else is thinking.

You are right, immigration is not the issue, we have an unlimited amount of land and other resources.

Of course she's racist, and I think you need to question your taking offence only when she made the comments specific to you.

It comes across as you saying your ethnic background has more legitimate claim to Britishness because all the parts are white.

Natives? Jesus.
Your language is incredibly racist. Over-run? By who? The OP who is a British citizen? (Nobody else is overrunning us either, for clarity).
It isn’t brave to say racist things, it’s really ugly. And everybody else is definitely not thinking it.

This isn't just occurring in the UK.

What a revolting thing to say...to anyone. Let alone someone you're close to.

I sincerely hope she's now an ex friend?

There's a certain air of arrogance around a person who believes they "say what everyone else is thinking".

In fact I've never heard anyone who believes they are one of the few brave enough to speak for all have an opinion I agree with yet.

What has immigration got to do with this thread? The OP is British. Or are you one of those who doesn’t think she can be if she isn’t ethnically totally white?
Immigration is down, by the way.