Exasperated with nip screw husband.

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

He has recently replaced DD's car and is allowing her to keep the money that she gets when she has sold her old car - which should be around £12,000. He is a generous father.

But he's a nip screw husband.

The dishwasher which I have had for 15 years broke down a month ago and instead of replacing it with a new one, he ordered the part required and fixed it himself (he's also very practical).

This part lasted short of a month and the dishwasher, which let's face it, is elderly, has again broken down.

It has been broken for a few days and I hate washing up as he insists on cooking and he uses every pot and utensil we possess.

I have sourced a replacement which can be picked up in store within the hour. But he says that he's going to fix the old one and 'don't you dare go wasting money'.

There are two days worth of dishes piled up in the kitchen because I am refusing to (blackmailing) hand wash anymore. He's stomping around effing and Jeffing because there are no clean teaspoons. Poor man.

Should I order whatever I want - I can get delivery tomorrow? Or wait for him to be bothered to order the part he thinks he needs - which may or may not fix an ancient relic?

Why is he generous with the children but not with me? Should I LTB? He hates me doesn't he?

I've never heard or nip screw. But fuck it, order the dishwasher.

He sounds frugal but at your expense. That’s no way to treat you at all. I’d order it but with his money which is your money. I’d say a loving husband doesn’t behave that way. In a partnership we’re meant to look after each other.

That's crap OP. Do you have your own money? Or is it shared? It should be family money of course but it sounds like he controls the money?

I thought this was going to be about BDSM

What on earth does nip screw mean? Edit to say - I get what it means, but where does the expression come from?

Just order it. This is such a silly thing to penny pinch over. He tried a repair, repair has failed - get a new one.

Just order one.
My ex husband was like this.. fixing everything or trying to.. yes he was handy but sometimes things were never the same again.. the last straw came when he " mended" the washing machine and it ended up.flooding the utility room right into the kitchen while we were out one day... this was like 40 years ago.

I was imagining something very different when you described a 'nip screw husband'! 😄I thought this story was going to be far more exciting!

I also have a husband who likes to try and fix things first. In his effort to repair a washing machine once, not only did he make it worse he destroyed the dining room table in the process! I like that he tries and sometimes he does save us a fortune and he keeps my spending in check as I am dreadful with money. But other times it's a massively irritating disaster!

I've never heard of nip and screw either.

In principal I'm in favour of repairs, depending on price. I probably wouldn't if the repair is going cost half as much or more as a new dishwasher, especially as it's old.

Is your DH expecting you to do all the washing up? I'd be fuming about that because I presume he eats.

Stand firm on the washing up (that's how i persuaded my DH to get a dishwasher pre-DCs when "we don't need one" - otoh, i had ordered one i was just making a point to be arsey)

And presumably you have access to family funds? just order one. Get one that projects the time left on the programme. They are THE BEST

ETA: to be fair, i think the first reaction should be to (try to) repair something, but a fail on that repair means there is a bigger fault and the device needs to be replaced

Just to add, in regards to your final sentence, I think it's quite normal to be more generous with the children, in many ways that with yourselves. It's also his dishwasher, his kitchen, his washing up, so he's not singling you out, the dishwasher is a joint thing belonging to the adults of the house, if you see what I mean. He's trying to save you both money not trying to make you personally suffer, I'd suggest. Based on this, I wouldn't say he hates you at all! He's just trying to do things in a different way to you.

However he's being silly here and you should just buy the dishwasher, or tell him he must do all the washing up until it's sorted if this is what he really wants to do.

'don't you dare go wasting money'.

On account of that, I would fill my house with brand new dishwashers and fill in a divorce form.
No man would tell me to 'not dare' or swear and rage in my home. So unattractive.

@moita
Most of our money is in joint accounts - but I've always asked to spend larger amounts (he doesn't) - he bought a boat without my knowledge recently.

He has been known to send stuff that I've bought back. I'd be embarrassed if I had to arrange for a new dishwasher to be collected.

But I'm not washing the dishes! And I'm not caving in! I will stand firm!

My own money is in savings which cannot be accessed easily.

I don't want a fancy, more expensive model - just a good basic make will do. And I can't see another lasting as long as this one has.

He says I'm extravagant - which couldn't be further from the truth. The current dishwasher is the first one I'd ever had, I refuse to go back to dishwashing by hand.

Order it woman

This is the twat with the boat you posted about previously (maybe not and there are others)?
Eithr way just order a bloody Dishwasher.
My DH likes fixing things but he knows when its time to replace things as well

Does he allow you new clothes? Hair cut ? What car does he drive? You drive ?
Why cant you say, I am buying a new dishwasher, I am not living with a Scrooge, you are bunging 12K (effectively) to DD, but want to tinker & bodge a 15 yr old dishwasher, & in the mean time not doing any washing up.
I’m ordering a new machine.”

@OriginalSkang

No idea - where it comes from. Just thought it was in normal use - unless it was just made up by my equally frustrated mother.

Order the effing thing if none of you can be arsed to handwash a single cup.

Good grief, if ever a thread needed the term 'first world problems' this is it!

And what on earth is a nip screw husband? Did you make that up? Is it just in your family this saying???

He says you're extravagant, sends your property back to sender, purchased a secret boat and tells you to 'not dare'?

Are you not repulsed by him? Selling the house and splitting half his pension will be an extravaganza for him.

I would be more concerned that you refer to the dishwasher as yours. It’s an item of household equipment that everyone benefits from and everyone can use. If it needs replacing and you can afford to do so then crack on :)

YANBU, I would just order the dishwasher by this point.

Is 'nip screw' basically another way of saying tight fisted?

It is an old expression, see the mention here:

https://www.nationaltrustcollections.org.uk/object/3131307.2

I would order it and if he tries to send it back, I would stand firm and only agree to it going back if his boat also goes back!

Honestly the dishwasher would be the hill I’d choose to die on.

If wants to return it then he arranges, which he’d find pretty difficult to do if the order is in your name and receipt in your email inbox.

I’d even pay the extra for it delivered, plumbed in and old one taken away.

He gets to spenda/give away vast amounts of money but you've been banned from buying a household appliance?
What would happen if you just bought it?

Is this a one off, or a pattern? Can it be discussed or if he financially controlling you?

I’d even pay the extra for it delivered, plumbed in and old one taken away

This! Then he has no choice but to accept that the old dishwasher is no more.