To refuse to give a colleague a lift to/from work?

[NotTonightDeidre]

A colleague at work, I'll call her Kate, gets a lift 4 days a week with another colleague, Jen. Jen doesn't work Thursday, but both Kate & I do.

I've given Kate a lift on several occasions but I find it awkward as she's not all that talkative & I'm a very chatty person.

We did some training last week & I was in the same team as Kate, she barely acknowledged me, let alone spoke to me.

We saw each other at work today (we're in different teams day to day) and she half smiled at me. Fast forward to after work & I get a text from Kate asking for a lift tomorrow morning.

AIBU to have replied saying I'm unable to offer a lift at the minute? I feel like a dick, but also, I don't want awkward journeys in my own car.

I'd say you've got a gym class (or other interest she definitely doesn't have) before or after work so can't do it.

I was in this situation. I stopped offering lifts. They used me for lifts, and it became expected. Nope.

Don’t feel obliged as it is annoying to have to give a lift as a matter of routine and not be able to do stuff on a whim. Every now and then fine but I wouldn’t agree to anything regular.

Say you’re not able to give her lifts. If she asks why, say it’s for personal reasons.

How has she been getting to work on Thursdays until now?

Dont give any details at all, just repeat that you're not in a position to give lifts and it just wont work for you

Refusing because she's not talkative is weird imo, not everyone has to chew the hind legs off a donkey.

If you relent and give her a lift ask her to share the travel costs with you. She’s getting to and from work for free at your expense - cheeky git.

I'd text 'Sorry I have plans' and leave it vague like that. I presume she won't ask but if she does I would say firmly that I had things to do after work that meant it was not convenient to give her a lift. You don't need to specify.

We did some training last week & I was in the same team as Kate, she barely acknowledged me, let alone spoke to me

There's quiet and there's just damn rude ! .

I was guilt tripped into giving a young colleague a lift years ago. It was such a pain in the arse, especially when they were still pissed from the night before.

Be assertive and say something like "sorry, I’m not able to commit to giving regular lifts, it doesn’t work with my rotine, hope you manage to get something sorted".

She hardly talks to you anyway so don't give her anymore thought. I wouldn't give excuses either e.g going to the gym or you could end up with a gym buddy!

Does she live near you ? Can you say staying at friends so not local to her if need a reason

how did she get there on a thur

Say you’d rather donate a kidney than give a lift. As per Mumsnet.

I think it's fine to say something like "Sorry I can't today. I'm happy to help out now and again but can't really fit a regular commitment into my schedule. Hope you find something".

Women don't exist to be hosts for parasites. Hope this helps.

No, YANBU! I gave regular lifts to a friend at work but it was my choice to offer. We also got along really well so I didn’t mind.

I didn’t offer for another colleague because we weren’t friends and she very much expected everyone to bend over backwards for her. She would ask people to drop her off at the shop instead or to go via a drive through! No chance!

Just say that you won’t be able to give lifts anymore as it doesn’t work for you and leave it at that. No need to apologise or make excuses.

God no it's not. I like peace and quiet in my car driving to and from work not trying to make conversation with someone!

Just tell her you can do it as a one off nut not all the time. And if you feel you can't flat out refuse then make something up like you have to stop off at a relative for half hour some of those mornings.

One day a week isn't much but I understand your point if she doesn't appear grateful. She may be shy, just quiet and takes time to get to know. I was so grateful for my lifts before I got a car and we weren't friends before but got on well and became friends.

If you don't want to, just say "I can't tomorrow". Don't apologise, because you're Not Sorry that you won't give her a lift.

Been there, done that. Don't do it anymore. Giving lifts, especially for free, often wanders into CF territory 🤣

I’d go out of my way to give a lift to a colleague whom I liked and was friends with. But not for someone who barely acknowledges my existence. If you want lifts you can at least be nice!

Handy bonus of her not being talkative - theres no awkward chat to follow when you say you cant.

She’s rude and she’s a user. No more lifts and I’d tell her why too.

The colleague is unfriendly toward OP. She barely acknowledged OP in a training session that they both attended. It's cheeky of her to then expect OP to give her a lift.