To refuse to give a colleague a lift to/from work?

[NotTonightDeidre]

A colleague at work, I'll call her Kate, gets a lift 4 days a week with another colleague, Jen. Jen doesn't work Thursday, but both Kate & I do.

I've given Kate a lift on several occasions but I find it awkward as she's not all that talkative & I'm a very chatty person.

We did some training last week & I was in the same team as Kate, she barely acknowledged me, let alone spoke to me.

We saw each other at work today (we're in different teams day to day) and she half smiled at me. Fast forward to after work & I get a text from Kate asking for a lift tomorrow morning.

AIBU to have replied saying I'm unable to offer a lift at the minute? I feel like a dick, but also, I don't want awkward journeys in my own car.

This issue comes up on MN a lot. The TL:DR is, as per PPs, just say no. Don't bother to make up a lie. Just use the standard MN, '[sorry] That doesn't work for me (my schedule)'

NO man would ever give a lift, regular or otherwise, that didn't serve him in some way ...

"hi, oh sorry I can't"

no excuse needed, no time frame, no explanation. Breeze through it and don't overthink it.

It will only become a thing if you make it one. Keep it friendly, short and polite, no sorry, is enough.

This is quite an elegant way of being nice but not committing to long term pain

A grown woman relying on lifts to get to work is absolutely ridiculous. I'd tell her no, without a reason and if she keeps asking I'd report her.

Just say you're not able to. You don't need to give a reason, you don't owe her anything. But don't make up a lie as per some pps

good god, no need to be so faffy and twee. It would make you sound like a self-important arse.

Just politely say, no can't do.

"No, I'm not able to. Hope you get something sorted. "

Just IGNORE the text. She’ll get the message.
Once you reply you enter into a negotiation.

I don’t think you should feel obliged but I also think it would help you to rethink your response to silence. I say this as someone who suffered exactly the same thing when I shared lifts with colleagues. I was the chatty one.

I came to realise that the silence doesn’t need to be filled and that it’s perfectly ok to be in a car with someone and not talk and still be comfortable.

If that’s the only reason you don’t want to offer her a lift this might help.

To be honest I have never worked in a job where it was the done thing for colleagues to give each other lifts. Fair enough - if you’re friends, and giving lifts is just because you’re close, but that isn’t the case here. I wouldn’t give her a lift.

No. My colleague, who didn’t like me at all and had a very unreliable car used to ask me for lifts a lot. I got fed up after a while and started refusing. If she’d at least have given me some petrol money I wouldn’t have minded as much.

Tell her:

1 - No
2 - FUCK OFF

Admittedly the second one could cause her to cry or something woke like that.

She is responsible for hauling herself to work, not you.

Frankly, I wouldnt even respond and would block her sorry ass.

How would she plan on getting to work if there was no-one offered her a lift? She must have gone for an interview and knew where the place was, so she must have had a plan around getting to work before she took the job.

I don't think you are unreasonable. I have given lifts and accepted them over the years, but I would never have relied on someone else, or wanted them to rely on me. Too much pressure.

You are not being unreasonable.

… can I ask are you make or female?

Being quiet is fine in a car journey....maybe decompressing or a short chat but barely acknowledging the possible driver at work is huge lack of manners.

Is it your usual route? How long is the journey?

I was going to say something like this. I know that not everyone lives and works in the centre of a city but taking a job that you can’t sensibly get to is pure silliness.

Don’t lie - just say sorry you can’t. Making up an excuse might tie you in knots.

Not a chance. No is a perfectly adequate answer.

I might have done if they had bothered to ask me directly face to face. But a text the evening before - no chance.

I am not sure telling someone to "fuck off" when you could just say "No " is very adult and professional.

Just text back a simple no and don't respond to any other texts, you don't have to explain yourself at all.

Male colleagues only provide lifts when it's in their interest ... either for work reasons or for pleasure ...

Gosh I'd just love to know how many men you had to interview to be able to state this with such a high degree of certainty.

If it's anything less than a sample size of about 1,000 men, I'd say you're talking utter bollocks,

They don’t, but you would expect to at least be acknowledged in the office by someone wanting a lift from you. I wouldn’t be giving a lift to someone who ignored me in work and didn’t make the effort to at least chat a bit during a journey.