To refuse to give a colleague a lift to/from work?

[NotTonightDeidre]

A colleague at work, I'll call her Kate, gets a lift 4 days a week with another colleague, Jen. Jen doesn't work Thursday, but both Kate & I do.

I've given Kate a lift on several occasions but I find it awkward as she's not all that talkative & I'm a very chatty person.

We did some training last week & I was in the same team as Kate, she barely acknowledged me, let alone spoke to me.

We saw each other at work today (we're in different teams day to day) and she half smiled at me. Fast forward to after work & I get a text from Kate asking for a lift tomorrow morning.

AIBU to have replied saying I'm unable to offer a lift at the minute? I feel like a dick, but also, I don't want awkward journeys in my own car.

If she's asking for a lift then she doesn't have something that you do.

I'm not offering any opinions.

The point is not to be unnecessarily mean to strangers.

What do I have?

You did offer your opinion, like everyone else. Why do you think you didn't?

How was I mean? And why are you picking on me?

I'll tell you what is 'mean....' Asking for lifts off someone you don't have anything to do with usually, and who you rarely speak to. And then continuing it, and expecting that person to carry on giving you lifts, in the car they have paid for, and have to tax and insure and fuel, (as well as maintain.) Yes, THIS is a mean thing to do.

If you want to travel by car, learn to drive and buy your own car! The person you're cadging lifts off has had to. How breathtakingly entitled for someone to assume someone else should be their free taxi indefinitely! 'Because they have a car and I don't.'

Good grief!

!

Has she offered you anything for the lift @NotTonightDeidre ? At least bus fare!

Just say no. You don’t like her, she doesn’t seem to like you. She shouldn’t be in a job she can’t get to under her own steam, but clearly can in any event, so doesn’t need a lift, she just doesn’t want the inconvenience of the bus. Don’t give excuses, don’t make things up, just a firm no.

Very unfair on you. I was put in a similar position when I was 18. I offered a colleague a lift sometimes to the train station when I was going that way but it became expected (not just from him but other team members). One evening I was offered overtime at very short notice which I took as I needed the money but I got met with a nasty attitude from a few colleagues because your "letting down x who needs a lift". Thankfully a manager intervened and made it clear it was not my responsibility to take anyone else to the train station and I was perfectly entitled to work extra hours if I needed to.

Whats wrong with the bus, or a bicycle?

Agreed. Non talkative / shy would be a bonus for me, I don’t like driving with a chatterbox next to me . I feel a bit sorry for her

Case in point. People who ask for/cadge lifts off people expect it all the time, and become entitled, and as I said earlier, when you stop doing it, they turn arsey, and say you're 'letting them down.'

So many people have spoken about this happening to them, on this thread and in real life. It happens frequently... I don't know anyone cheekier and more entitled than some non-drivers, (and people who can drive but are without cars,) as they expect lifts, like it's their right, and then get salty and nasty when the lifts are revoked, because the car owner is fucked off with them taking the piss!

It depends on the workplace.

In my workplace no one speaks to each other. We are in different offices and see each other in the halls.

But there is no chat. People Are just there to work

I've got used to it

These comments weren't about the woman being discussed by the OP. They were about someone having a go at a commentator who said she'd been grateful for lifts in the past.

Maybe she has a problem and can't handle social interactions. I know someone like that and it causes me stress, and I dread meeting him. I can't help it.

Even so, no-one should feel it's OK to ask for lifts off people, because they have a car and you don't. it is cheeky! It smacks of entitlement.

.

Noooo
She and her audacity can take a ride on the bus
Barely acknowledging you but then wants to jump in your car is crazy
Absolutely not !

No i didn't, they were kindly offered by nice people I got on well with.

I have been there too. If you don't want to just say that you cannot offer lifts. You do not need to give a reason particularly if she is just a colleague, not a friend.

This isn't a one-off lift though, is it? If the OP gives her a lift one Thursday, the colleague will assume she's getting a lift the next week, and expect one the week after that, ad infinitum. And when the OP says no, all of a sudden she's the unreasonable one and letting the colleague down.

I love these threads. They do wonders for my self esteem. I only started driving very recently in my 40s but I never, ever expected lifts from drivers. And if it was offered I asked how much petrol money was appropriate. I’ve no idea how many cakes I’ve made for people to say thank you for lifts!

That said, I purposely chose a car that was too small to offer lifts. I can’t bear other people in my family space. I just don’t expect what I wouldn’t give.

That was nice of them, but in this situation OP hasn't offered a lift, she has been asked for a lift. OP sounds nice too, she doesn't need to agree to lifts to be nice.

These days I also try to match the energy/effort of others. So in terms of offering lifts, do you think she’d offer you lifts if the situation was reversed?

A bonus would imply OP would be getting something else out of this arrangement, but she's getting nothing.

You mean like the lift-asker ignoring OP during their group work training?

You've now accused me twice, once of 'being mean' and once for 'having a go at someone'. I've asked you to quote where but you haven't.

Please could you now stop posting to me, I do not want to argue with you and won't be responding to you anymore.

What about the poor person who's already been sucked into giving this person a lift four days a week? I wonder how she feels about it.

If you say no,do you think she'll text again next week?
The red flag for me is that she has asked you and it doesnt sound like you're even work friends. I only take a lift if offered by friends unless an emergency and try to minimise any inconvenience to the giver.