To refuse to give a colleague a lift to/from work?

[NotTonightDeidre]

A colleague at work, I'll call her Kate, gets a lift 4 days a week with another colleague, Jen. Jen doesn't work Thursday, but both Kate & I do.

I've given Kate a lift on several occasions but I find it awkward as she's not all that talkative & I'm a very chatty person.

We did some training last week & I was in the same team as Kate, she barely acknowledged me, let alone spoke to me.

We saw each other at work today (we're in different teams day to day) and she half smiled at me. Fast forward to after work & I get a text from Kate asking for a lift tomorrow morning.

AIBU to have replied saying I'm unable to offer a lift at the minute? I feel like a dick, but also, I don't want awkward journeys in my own car.

I only give lifts to people i really like and if its emergency, like there car in garage, or no busses etc, then im happy to help. but I wouldn't be giving random frequent lifts as i feel people expect it , my thinking I pay a lot of money to keep a car running, you could do the same!

Ignore it. She will get the hint.

Make up a new passtime that you will now be attending on Thursdays after work.

She might be introverted and not particularly confident in having face to face conversations, that shouldn’t be mistaken for rudeness. I like listening to chatty people but I’m not chatty, especially not with people I don’t know.

You do not have to give her a lift if you don’t want to. Just say you can’t.

Funny. Its a strange old world when not wanting to give a lift to another woman gets reimagined as an act of female empowerment.

Bus I think. I don't know because I don't know her that well.

As w none driver (although I am working on that!) I would never, ever ask for a lift. If someone asks, I’d make sure it wasn’t a real inconvenience, bit I’d NEVER expect or demand one. As a non driving adult, it’s my responsibility to get myself to and from where I need to be.
Say no & don’t give an excuse- you don’t need to.

How about not even acknowledging me in work? Does that meet your standards for a reason?

It won’t kill her to get the bus, and if it’s really that much of a hassle she can learn to drive - it’s a useful life skill!

She sounds shy rather than rude. It might have taken her a lot of courage to text you. Its clearly just me but if it wasn't going out of your way to give her a lift id be tempted - its only one day a week and you might get to know her. Otherwise let her down gently!

Just say no. Lack of basic courtesy at other times is enough. Don't give any hope you might change your mind.

I used to give a lift now and again. I wouldn’t agree to more than the once a week. The person I gave a lift to would buy my lunch for me. I didn’t ask them to.

if she is shy that isn’t bad, there are worst people than shy ones.

Say that you are unable to and send her the contact details for a local taxi firm.

Not sure why it matters, but I'm female.

She is already getting a lift four days a week. She can surely manage to get herself to work for the fifth day.

It’s really very simple, Hi K8, I can’t I’m afraid. See you in the office. Deirdre Barlow

Don’t do it. Once you start, it will never end. I’ve been way too nice to people over the years and the only person that ends up being put out is you.

I like my journey to and from work, being able to be by myself and decompress. The last thing I would want is to have a colleague in the car with me, particularly if she doesn’t even acknowledge you at work. I would happily give someone a one off lift to help them out if their car was in the garage or the buses/trains were having issues but not every week.

Don’t give a convoluted explanation, I would just say ‘sorry, I can’t but I hope you find a solution’

I think you did the right thing saying no. Your feelings also count.

It's only one day a week (forever!). She might be shy! Bollocks to that.

Bus I think. I don't know because I don't know her that well.

It's fine to say, 'no' to someone who barely acknowledges you and you don't know that well.

YANBU, you are not obliged to give lifts.

If she asks, just say that it’s not convenient for you. If she asks why, don’t elaborate, but deflect the question and talk about the weather.

I happily give lifts to anyone if it fits in with my schedule. However, if said liftee was quiet, awkward or made me feel uncomfortable I would not. So in this case, no YANBU

It’s not your problem that she is in a situation where she frequently needs a lift to work. Maybe as a one off, but she clearly has no reliable set-up to get there.

You’ve absolutely done the right thing in saying no!

And yes, to ignore you most of the time and then just text asking for a lift. V rude

There's been a hundred thousand threads on this over the years (but I always like seeing more!) and the general consensus is that you must nip this in the bud as early as possible. People are the worst and soon believe they are entitled to your time and petrol.