To refuse to give a colleague a lift to/from work?

[NotTonightDeidre]

A colleague at work, I'll call her Kate, gets a lift 4 days a week with another colleague, Jen. Jen doesn't work Thursday, but both Kate & I do.

I've given Kate a lift on several occasions but I find it awkward as she's not all that talkative & I'm a very chatty person.

We did some training last week & I was in the same team as Kate, she barely acknowledged me, let alone spoke to me.

We saw each other at work today (we're in different teams day to day) and she half smiled at me. Fast forward to after work & I get a text from Kate asking for a lift tomorrow morning.

AIBU to have replied saying I'm unable to offer a lift at the minute? I feel like a dick, but also, I don't want awkward journeys in my own car.

Yep. And you can tell which posters on this thread do this too.

You were wise to nip it in at bud, once you give a lift once, it quickly becomes expected.

Tell Jen you said no so she can say no too if she wants,

Did you ask for lifts? That's cheeky.

I’m always so puzzled about the posters who reply saying it’s only one day and try and guilt the OP into doing what is inconvenient and a chore. I bet none of them would do it!!!

Don’t do it OP. She’s a CF. I would need that time to decompress , sometimes pop to the shops , sing loudly, , and not have some entitled person in my personal space !!!

Many of the other answers seem so churlish. I will always try to help with a lift where I can. But in the case where someone is disrespectful to you then I do understand you saying no and I think that is the best thing. You'll feel used otherwise. Stick with your instincts

Are you mad? It’s common courtesy to engage with the person doing you the kindness of giving a lift. She’d have only had one lift from me if she’d ignored me all week - and I’d tell her to her face!

Cheeky fucker (her, not you 😉)

are you quite well? You are the one derailing the thread

but Male colleagues only provide lifts when it's in their interest ... either for work reasons or for pleasure ...
again, YOUR male colleague maybe, most of us work or socialise with perfectly normal people

You might want to ask yourself why you have a different experience than the rest of us - do you want us to guess you are a stunning young model and we're not 😂

How would you know it's cheeky if you weren't there? Why make someone who has been in a more vulnerable position than you and was grateful for help feel bad about themselves? What's the point?

Agree with this.

That’s actually quite sad, some people are just naturally quieter and not as talkative!

I think Kate needs to be a bit more self sufficient and get herself to work. Does she offer/pay petrol money?

you know that they reported my post asking the same question? 😂😂

good grief, some posters have issues.

‘Woke’? Very droll.

How would you know she was vulnerable if you weren’t there? Why do you think only your opinion is the right one? What’s the point?

I would just say no. No way.

I’d bloody hate this OP and now as a 50 something woman I’d refuse politely. When I was much younger I somehow got landed with giving someone I hardly knew a lift in, they unashamedly told me they didn’t want to put mileage on their car! YANBU

I would have thought she would be trying to foster good relationships with you .
Half a smile at work isn't going to do much towards bon amei is it.
Don't agree to lifts op. You'll regret it. And she sounds unpleasant .

That'd certainly explain an astonishingly heated discussion about a very basic quandary.

Definitely say no and nip it in the bud. The fact she asked by text is good because you can craft a careful response. Make sure it is a response that lets her know you can never give her a lift on thursdays.

Yes, it's bizarre.

Never done a survey, but I know for a fact that some men do because in my first job, there were 4 of them (and one woman) who gave me, and others, lifts without expecting anything (I did try to insist on giving petrol money but it wasn't like I gave enough to say they were making a profit).
I suppose you could argue, like Phoebe in friends, that it made them feel good to help someone out, if there's no such thing as an unselfish good deed, but none of the men (or the woman) benefited in terms of work, or anything else.

Even if she was shy, doesn’t change the outcome.

She can ask (not cheeky) and you can refuse . However, to expect a lift, is cheeky, especially if she diesn’t cultivate a friendship at work. No doubt she feels a lift will save her money, but you’re not obliged to fulfil this request.

I used to drop a colleague home, or to be more accurate, drop her to a convenient place near her home, but if I wasn’t going that way, she’d happily find her own way home. .

I love the peace of the radio on my drive home.
I have no interest in sharing my space.
Much less with someone who is hard work.

Nope sorry I can't and don't give it another thought.

They expect it, they use you, and they won't stop. And when eventually you DO rein it in, YOU are the bad guy, who has 'let them down'.

In a nutshell, this is pretty much it.

Don't do it. At my last job a colleague asked my co worker for one lift, she obliged. Cue standing by her car after work for a lift home! It became a regular thing! My co worker ended up changing her hours to end it. Only for the colleague to try to change hers too! It was awful to see the manipulation and spinlessness. She ended up going part time (was thinking of doing it before retirement anyway) this meant it wasn't ever possible for the colleague to leave that early every day. My coworker said in hindsight she wishes that she never started it. Although she should have just messaged her, sorry j can't do anymore lifts and left it at that.