To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

[Ticklyoctopus]

Because the people saying it usually have grandparent help and would never actually let a virtual stranger with just a DBS check actually look after their toddlers, change their nappies, get up with them in the night etc?

It’s just a really frustrating response. I know you can ask nursery staff if they do it, and we have, and I would trust them, but most have small children themselves so understandably decline. My friends have small kids themselves, and my few local childfree relatives just really aren’t the kind of people you would trust to watch a toddler even for 20 minutes.

AIBU to think ‘get a babysitter’ just isn’t practical in many cases?

Our closest family are 2 hours away. Yes, we “get a babysitter”.

Why would your local relatives not be able to watch a toddler for 20 minutes?

Ultimately it’s your choice. We have no family nearby but some local friends set up a babysitting Whatsapp group and we share favours. We’ve also used a childminder who came recommended from friends, for evening sits. And we have also used ‘strangers’ on Bubble. Never any bad experiences.

Not easy op we had that too. Its usually those with loads of help that say it!! My daughter was clingy so that made it hard. Im past that stage now but yes was hard.

We didn’t have any grandparents to watch our kids. So we used: a teenager who had babysat friend’s kids, another friend’s nanny, nursery staff and there are agencies that vet babysitters.
I’m sure there are plenty of people who don’t have access to a babysitter, but the majority do if they think about it and are willing to pay.

Because they’re very elderly or disabled.

Were your children toddlers in nappies when you did this? I have 3 local friends that I know well enough to ask, one is heavily pregnant, the other has very poor MH and can hardly manage her own child, and the other works at weekends.

I never had family that would/were available to baby sit but we just paid a babysitter. Always someone that we knew. For a long time we used a widowed lady in her early 60s whose children had all grown up. We never once weren’t able to go out or turn down an invitation. Also mums got together and babysat each other’s children. I would never have had someone I didn’t know or trusted.

Who? Is your youngest in nappies? I’m dying to know!

Lucky to know and trust so many available people!

I’m with you op. Someone with a dbs is still a stranger to your child. We have no family around as well so we just have a PT nanny who is consistent and regular but not some random babysitter on the once off.

We had no family at all for several hundred miles. Three kids , one with learning and physical disabilities . We got a babysitter, a neighbours teenage daughter, my kids loved her and they had a ball!

Yep. So annoying. People who have family support just never get what it is like when it is just yourselves. Not all communities lend themselves to sharing babysitting etc. Its frustrating but this phase does end. And all of a sudden you are able to go out ! Meanwhile just smile and nod.

Yeah, I did.

closest family two hours.

We are in a village and it’s easier to get to know people.

I also don’t understand this asking the nursery. My kids attended a private nursery and staff doing out of hours babysitting for the kids they taught were a definite no.

We had no family and our friends were all very much not the kind you’d leave your kids with. We didn’t go out together until the children were old enough to be left. That was our choice, we could have paid someone. But we preferred not to.

We did enquire about registered nannies but I think again because they work FT with small children, and often have kids themselves, they just weren’t looking for ad hoc overnights at somebody else’s house. Our town just doesn’t seem to be full of people seeking babysitting work who are capable of looking after a toddler overnight!

Because they're elderly, in poor health, forgetful, unpredictable, clueless, or just not good with little kids? There are loads of reasons the OP might not trust a relative with her kids and it's disingenuous to suggest otherwise.

You are making assumptions. I say "get a babysitter" because that's what we did. The grandparents are all over 100 miles away so it was always babysitters for us.

And yes, from when they were in nappies. I don't see why you think that's a problem.

Yes we paid a babysitter.
Found a couple of local childminders who were happy to do occasional evening work.
Why can't you do that?

I used the local nursery staff, and a friend had a nanny who would babysit too - during the day too if she wasn't working, so I could do Xmas shopping etc.

We then used the primary school staff, mums would share who was available. Usually LSA type staff. This was in Ireland.

But never used agency though friends did.

It's expensive, but it is "easy" to get a babysitter. They aren't all that hard to find in my experience, and they aren't strangers for long. We have no family help, I'd have gone mad without our babysitters. We do also trade with friends, but that's not so reliable.
Where are you looking? We use a friends teenager, 2 young ladies who work at a nursery and a retired childminder.

Also, what has nappies got to do with anything? Babysitters do change nappies!

Have slwsys had to pay a babysitter or not go! Friends sixth form aged children or nursery staff generally. With babies / toddlers / pre school I always put them to bed before I went out. It’s an expensive addition to a night out (£10 per hour) but as a sole parent it’s the only way to be sociable!

You can get a babysitter if you have the desire to get a babysitter!

Local mums here formed a babysitting circle and everyone got a set of tokens for it. You got double for day care and double after midnight. Otherwise, each token was for one hour. People who didn't sit for others soon ran out of tokens, so you couldn't abuse the system. Single mums could offer sleep overs or weekend daycare, which then earned them tokens they could use for nights out. Our Dc are grown now. Some became close friends, some never mixed socially, but all of us found it really helpful at the time.

No money changed hands.

How old were your kids at the time?