To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

[Ticklyoctopus]

Because the people saying it usually have grandparent help and would never actually let a virtual stranger with just a DBS check actually look after their toddlers, change their nappies, get up with them in the night etc?

It’s just a really frustrating response. I know you can ask nursery staff if they do it, and we have, and I would trust them, but most have small children themselves so understandably decline. My friends have small kids themselves, and my few local childfree relatives just really aren’t the kind of people you would trust to watch a toddler even for 20 minutes.

AIBU to think ‘get a babysitter’ just isn’t practical in many cases?

@Ticklyoctopus I literally know of a couple who had this exact thing happen! Obviously just an accident but it was just a bit of clueless teen not realising the 3 year old might have needed a bit of help down the stairs and just unfortunate. They broke their arm.
Honestly I am literally blown away when I hear about v small kids left in holiday camps abroad like who the Fck are the people looking after your kids and they could be so freaked out by not being able to understand the language , why they are being left somewhere in a foreign country!! But each to their own.
BTW we have older kids now , they have been on plenty of school trips , happily go with any of their sports groups etc so they aren’t remotely freaked out by being away etc as a pp suggested , in fact they are the opposite, very independent.
Of course it hasn’t been easy over the years ,far from it as we have been exhausted over the years . Not having family support is hard , v hard.

We’ve had to swap over a lot my husband and I.

I agree with you 💯 . I don’t judge anyone for wanting a break as it’s hard going but it isn’t worth the risk with small kids . My kids are older and it’s getting easier and easier. Of course it’s still hard work a lot and up and downs but we are seeing a bit of light with independence coming etc

Statistically it is worth the risk, as the risk is small. Your kids are in more danger in a car.

Yes, I felt the same as you. I just didn't like to leave my children with people I didn't really know at a young age and there weren't other options for us in the few years. As they got older, we had a few newer friends who helped out and did use a couple of people found online with references/who we'd met before but tbh in 14ish years we only went out together about 10 times because it was difficult to arrange and often very expensive. I totally get what you're saying.

But that was your choice. You could have but didn’t like to. There’s nothing frustrating about it.

travelling by car is essential when you live in the countryside - having a night out and using babysitters is not essential for me so there is no comparison.

Also where are you getting your statistics from and can you share them?

I suppose it depends what it’s for? Night out just cos maybe wouldn’t bother if it’s inconvienent. Wedding or party or event then yes get a babysitter it use a baby sitting service

Yes, I suppose so, you are correct. I didn't feel frustrated exactly but just trying to offer op understanding. Not sure why everything has to be so argumentative on here.

It’s really tough. I haven’t ever had family help and couldn’t afford to pay for a babysitter over night so we haven’t been away without the children ever! I do hire babysitters from nursery for the odd special night out. It’s brutally expensive. I find it patronising and honestly annoying when people have very helpful families and suggest a fun night away just couples. “Wouldn’t it be great”. Yes it would be! But like many things it’s not on the table for us now.
I do get annoyed by how blase some people can be. Mainly due to the cost! I totally trust the people we use but at £12ph it’s not realistic to go out more than once every six months.
I happily had babysitters from nursery when the children were toddlers and in nappies. Honestly it felt like better value getting nappy change and difficult bedtimes for the money!

But I suppose for the average mumsnetters on 100k plus £12 an hours not bad

That’s exactly it . Honestly people with help just don’t get it at all. I’ve seen posts on here from mns saying have no help too but then say “gps do school pickups twice a week , a week in the summer but don’t babysit often “😂😂😂 So an enormous amount of help then . My husband and I in 14 years have had absolutely no help , under any circumstances, no idea why , my family come across as relatively normal but absolutely adamant they won’t help at all.
It would literally cost us €13 an hour and that includes overnight so that 13 euros an hour for 24 hours and more realistically if we went to a wedding or overnight. So hundreds and hundred before we even leave the house , you can see people just don’t get this or just don’t believe it . We went to a friends wedding, rushing there and back , early start . Just under 300 euros for our babysitter, my family knew about it and still didn’t offer 🤷‍♀️

I have had to move around and don’t have ready access to babysitters. Again, I find when it costs me an extra £50 to go out, then it becomes a serious cost for a casual night out. I have not been out in years. I have one relative nearby who flings a casual “get a babysitter” when asked. Single parent and my kids have special needs so won’t take kindly to the idea of being lumped with a stranger, even if I was happy to do this.

Yes its costly agree. Mine grown now thank god. It used be the school mams with tons of help that said get a babysitter! They hadnt a clue.