To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

[Ticklyoctopus]

Because the people saying it usually have grandparent help and would never actually let a virtual stranger with just a DBS check actually look after their toddlers, change their nappies, get up with them in the night etc?

It’s just a really frustrating response. I know you can ask nursery staff if they do it, and we have, and I would trust them, but most have small children themselves so understandably decline. My friends have small kids themselves, and my few local childfree relatives just really aren’t the kind of people you would trust to watch a toddler even for 20 minutes.

AIBU to think ‘get a babysitter’ just isn’t practical in many cases?

Are you looking for daytime child care?

Because if it's for a night out I don't understand why the child would be eating grapes or the babysitter opening the door or need their nappy changed.

I used to use a neighbour's teenage daughter to babysit, but my children were always bathed, teeth done, bedtime drink done etc and either ready for a story and bed, or if aged 1 or 2 would already be in bed asleep by the time we left to go out. They wouldn't be eating or running around.

When I need childcare I hire it. I tend to use a nanny agency and all the ladies they have sent have been highly qualified with multiple references and experience. My kids have all been fine and have a wonderful time with the staff sent including a child in nappies and a child who has significant SEN. I have also used friends before but I was lucky enough to know a professional nanny. I’ve never needed to hire care overnight but I would happily use these services to find the help I needed. Grandparents are all over 3 hour drive away but that’s what I do if I really need the help and they are available.

I see you said £10 an hour is reasonable and I think that’s where you are going wrong. I don’t think many would someone work unsociable hours and changing nappies on an ad hoc basis for less than minimum wage. I’ve never paid less than £15 an hour and then an agency fee for the introduction.

So was I, but almost all the babysitting I done was when the kids were already asleep. I feel like that was more typical.

I was babysitting from 14. My kids never had a teenage babysitter. I had no local family, and I only once in a peculiar circumstance left mine with anyone who wasn't family before they could talk properly. I wasn't concerned about potential paedophiles, I was concerned my child would be distressed. They didn't have overnights even with family unless we were there until about 7. We later found that the oldest is autistic, at the time we would just have said she prefers her routine. I did look into starting a babysitting circle but 2 couples I was approaching divorced then my kids' grandparents moved nearby so I never got it set up.
We did have a few nights out based at the different grandparents house. One wedding was a 15 minute walk from my in laws! We also booked annual leave for the occasional day date. We were happy with our set up, others would not be!

We used a teenage babysitter when dc were in nappies for evenings out, they were brilliant and babysat for quite a few years. We trusted them and liked them. I know it is not for everyone but it worked for us.

I’ve got a one year old and three year old, one year old is in nappies. Mostly we use a babysitter from nursery, we have three of their numbers now, and usually one of them is available. I am part of a sitting circle, but honestly I’d rather pay than feel bad that my little ones are being horrors for a friend. Definitely put out a message to your neighbours and friends asking for trusted babysitters, I bet a lot have ones they have vetted or from their nurseries. And you can have them over for a paid trial.

We haven’t left ours overnight though, a) expense, and b) it seems a big ask to ask a sitter to stay over. My friend did, and it was £550 for a weekend 😫 She said it was absolutely worth it, but obviously that’s an insane amount of money

I used "Sitters" an online babysitting provider service from when DD was about 3 or 4. Before that we had no babysitting as family weren't keen. The sitters were all lovely ladies who brought toys and colouring and were more than hapy to put DD to bed whilst we wnet out for dinner.

It is your opinon OP.

I am also entitled to my opinion.

I think it is good for a child to be around different people.

My mum was like you. She was clingy and would not let anyone else look after us.

It made us very isolated. Me and my brother were fed up of being around my mother 24/7. We wanted to be around other people.

I see too many mothers act like they own their child. Like the child is an object. The mothers think about what they want. Theu don't think about what the child wants

As adults, neither of us are close to our mother now.

We have 1 set of neighbours that we will leave our children with, but that is it. The only time we've ever asked them to is when I was in hospital having the newest baby, otherwise, we just don't do things as a couple, always as a family.
I would never in a million years leave my child with a random babysitter found on a Facebook group, recommended or not, I dont have that level of trust in other people.

What a way to live

We used someone from nursery who the kids (still in nappies) knew and loved so it was not a problem.

£10 is not reasonable! That’s below minimum wage. And overnight would be much, much more. Eg, my teen was getting 15 an hour over ten years ago, and vastly more overnight - which she did very occasionally- two brothers, both autistic.

I do agree that those with readily available support underestimate how difficult it can be to find a trustworthy babysitter. I'm in this position, zero family support. Not everyone has people around them who can/want to babysit.

I've seen people suggest childcare swaps but of the 8 mum friends I have, one I wouldn't trust (chaotic life), 4 have good family support and don't want it, 1 has a newborn, 1 is anxious and doesn't trust anyone else including me, and 1 is just very homely and doesn't want to go out away from her kids.

I didn't have anyone for ages but eventually managed to get her ex nursery key worker (she's allowed to do it now my daughter has left) but she can only do Saturdays.

I now have a distant cousin who is home from uni for a year and who I'm using but it will get difficult again when she leaves.

I will say, once you find a couple of trusted reliable sitters, it is as easy as ‘get a sitter’ except for the money. It’s £15 an hour here, so not cheap, and we have to factor that in. It’s building up a roster of people that’s a challenge.

We do have a teenage boy whose parents we know well, and we will occasionally leave them with him. But only after they’re already asleep, we are only going to be 2-3 minutes away, and when his parents are also in. I wouldn’t be happy with him doing it while they were awake, as two preschoolers isn’t easy, and like you say the safety of choking, falling, getting hurt

£10 is just fine for a teenager. £15 is more the going rate for a qualified adult (it's what I charge for babysitter, I'm a registered childminder).

No grandparents or neighbours here. We were sometimes able to get a nursery worker. Most of the time we used Sitters.co.uk. Either way, we paid for it.
It is perfectly easy to get a babysitter. What you are complaining about is not being able to get an unpaid one.

We live in a city with no family/friends/village help around, and our nursery has a strict policy against staff doing babysitting for any families. So, we looked elsewhere and recently found a babysitter for our two-year-old so that hubby and I can have the odd occasion out together. Can confirm - quite literally life-changing!!! Wish we had started looking sooner tbh. Not sure if I totally understand what your challenge is OP.....

I agree OP. We have no family in this country and our DS has some severe allergies so we need people really understanding how to act in an emergency.
Also, up to the end of toddlers years he was a runner, always on the go and we needed someone able to look after him 1-2-1. That meant we could not rely on random babysitters: too much responsibilities for the teenager babysitters or for friends with multiple children to look after. We used to rely on his key worker from nursery and that was great until she moved. Then we used a neighbor, but as she didn't want any money we didn't feel we could ask her every month. We could potentially ask a random babysitter from a website, but we don't want to.

Now he's a little older we take turns with other families from school and we babysit each others' child. It's still not ideal for nights out as they are too young for sleepovers, but maybe that is the next step!

We used nursery staff, a young woman from the local Guides and the daughter of a friend. We also have children with complex needs. I think you have to keep asking around

Same here. Now mine are teens, we can go out without them. They're happy at home with a pizza!

Do you have a nursery nurse course at local college? Worth asking with them

It’s not below minimum wage unless your sitter is 21 or older. Minimum wage is £10 for 18-20YOs and £7.55 for under 18s so £10 is absolutely fine for a younger teen especially if it’s an easy job just requiring them to sit on the sofa because the parents have done bedtime and the kids are solid sleepers.

That’s a brilliant system!

You may not want to get a babysitter, which is fine, but many people do so it's not exactly a wild suggestion.

I have a list (3) babysitters who I have interviewed, checked CV and references and checked DBS. If a need a babysitter, I contact them. Have used them from 6 months. It's really worth doing this in advance so you have people to contact.