The current state of MN and how do I stop reading?

[Westpoint]

I actually don't know where to start......

But WTF is happening recently? I mean I know AIBU isn't for the faint of heart but the pile on's have become ridiculous. For the experienced posters the ignore tactic works ok but the vitriol for no bloody reason whatsoever just kills the thread.

Yet I keep on reading?

I have a pretty full life but when I log on I do tend to come here and I'm often left with a really bad taste in my mouth.

Why are people just so combative these days?

I do realise the futility in posting this. Maybe I just need a massive boot up the arse (I'm sure I do).

What do people get from being so nasty?

It actually just makes me really sad. Yes, that's my problem I get it. It's just all so stupid, petty and a waste of everyone's time.

Anyway, that's my rant. Prepared to be unnecessarily flamed (well, I'm not actually, it will hurt my feelings but it's going to happen isn't it? I mean, I could post that puppies are cute and fluffy but some miserable cunt will come along along and tell me that their arse's stink, they shit all over their school run and because they are allergic NO-ONE should enjoy them).

This place really has become a victim of it's own success.

I think I might be out but it's hard to let go. I joined 15 years ago!

I joined in 2006 (blimey). It’s very, very different now.

It used to be small, middle class, posters were cliquey, some were MN celebrities and I stayed because I liked that it was generally a clever and witty place. Plus I had babies which was sort of the point.

Nowadays, it’s huge and socially diverse.

But I don’t understand how angry and aggressive posters get on AIBU. I imagine they’re rough as old boots in the real world.

The only change I’ve seen is with the massive increase in trolls and goady threads placed for traffic.

The wide range of responses haven’t changed since I joined in 2009.

I have been around on and off since 2004. It was very cliquey and a little too much fawning over Cod, but so witty and clever!

What I have noticed that def was not the case years ago is men, and they are clearly men with an agenda to harm the women on here. They are extremely obvious, and pursue and pursue forcefully. It’s especially sickening to watch on domestic violence threads with very vulnerable victims and they minimise and blame the op, therefore reinforcing the feelings of shame and self doubt.

It’s a great idea pp said about having the power to delete your own thread and being able to say why as a parting message. It would certainly empower the op in that scenario and stop the hounding.

True! I followed her on Twitter before I left it.

And they did meet ups and Christmas gifts for needy members. So parochial 😂

Completely agree. I've been around for about 15 years, and I post a lot less than I used to. I read the Disney thread this morning and was really taken aback by how awful some of the replies were. And not just the nasty personal attacks, but the volume of people who seemingly can't be bothered to read the OPs, along with those who were reading the updates but were forensically nitpicking the OP's language apart.

AIBU used to have a reputation for being robust and tell it like it is - but these days it crosses the line into bullying so often, I'm surprised anyone ever comes back to post.

I think there are a sizeable minority of posters on here who are not posting in good faith but just want to tear people down. I've noticed that they sometimes do this by literally ignoring what's written in black-and-white and pretty much making something up. They put an interpretation onto something that no reasonable person would possibly extrapolate from what's written, often flat-out ignoring what's there in black-and-white.

Other tactics include to berate a poster for something long after said poster has admitted they were wrong. Then there's the full-on personality attack and the questions about whether you work, whether you have kids, whether you have a partner, and whichever way you answer, they will put a negative twist on it, plus accusations about being a man or being sinister or being disturbed. I do wish MN would police this teenage-style Mean Girl bullying more, but the site is so huge I guess it's perhaps not possible.

There’s just so many trolls now. Piling on vitriol onto seemingly normal threads, as you say - but also just so many clearly totally invented AI or goady threads. It’s really boring. If everyone would realise that most of the posters aren’t real - or at the very least aren’t the women/mums they’re envisioning - and just ignored them, they’d go away. Don’t feed the trolls is rule number 1 on the internet! Instead people just get embroiled and threads descend into ridiculous boring fights. I don’t know if it’s possible for MNHQ to do anything about without destroying MN’s main draw - that everyone and anyone can post anonymously, meaning huge traffic and interesting points of view. It’s probably got so much worse recently because of AI tbh. Shame. I do often think I should stop coming on - but like you, OP, for some reason I keep opening the app!

That thread had some awful posts on it, so lacking in nuance. I haven’t been here long but the tone and volume of the negative responses can be horrible. I shouldn’t really engage - it’s not real life in many ways as people feel enabled by their anonymity - but I’m always conscious that there are often real people who are struggling on the other end. I do wonder what percentage of threads in AIBU are real.

I haven't read the post about the ONS but I was appalled by some of the posts to the lady whose daughter didn't want to go to Disneyland. She seemed to be a genuine person, unlike the huge amount of bots, trolls and random who post on MN. Some of the comments made to her were downright rude.
There's a thread just now about criticism of Islam and many of the posts definitely sound as if they are AI or bots; they seem to go round and round in circles and nobody gets anywhere.
I'm sure MNHQ are well aware of this, but the site is a mess due to the high volume of posts which are not genuine

The AI generated threads do my head in. They may as well flash bright red, they’re so obvious. Yet people don’t seem to realise.

I have been here a long time too, and it's definitely changed. Some will come along and say it's always been like this, but I will never agree with them.

I find that whatever way the first reply goes, sets the scene for how the whole thread will go. And lately the first reply usually isn't great, then posters try to outdo each other with nastiness.

There was a post last week where OP asked a simple cleaning question, but used an area specific term in the thread title. It went on for pages and pages of people saying she was thick. It was disgusting. All she was asking for was some advice on how to clean an item.
Of course on that thread, the first reply was mean and that thread is a perfect example of bullies out in force outdoing one another.

There are a lot of rage baiters who are just out for reactions and attention. They go for certain themes which bring out the rather naive earnest dogooders vs the angry cynics.

I agree, I joined at the beginning and having no family this was a godsend when my DCs were small but now, the first thing that happens with any post is people come on simply saying its not true, so thats like the whole thread saying the OP is lying and then often adding stuff that wasn't in the OP. I too feel its very little use for advice now but I still post now and again asking questions - sort of triumph of hope over experience?

Some of the things said to that OP were sheer vitriol.
I reported the posts, and at least 2 others said they did.
I got a confirmation email from Mumsnet about the deletion more than 8 hours after my report was made.
I assume that was because it was late evening/ early morning, but I felt very sorry for the OP.

I am actually really reassured by the posts on this thread tbh. To see that a fair amount see what I've seen ; a vulnerable woman at her lowest gets piled on too often, ridiculous comments about typos and spelling, leave him now or else replies, obvious hatred for Autistic kids and their mum's. I could go on.

I wonder if this (MN) is a good example of how modern society and technologies are enabling characteristics of low empathy personalities. I watched a recent talk on this wherein a psych professional cited an increase trend in sociopathy and narcissistic personality traits because of modern technology. Modern tech like SM enables and allows the ghouls who hide behind a veneer of respectability in the community to express their true darker selves. That then feeds it and worsens the tendency they already had.

Being on MM and watching this behaviour actually made me question how many people in society are hiding no empathy behind a respectable veneer. I'd say there's more than we want to accept who really are heartless.

Bit deep but a good talking point 🤷😆

The scary thing is that occasionally I've posted things I regret, having got caught up in one of those threads. Which is a very good reason to bale out and get a life.

I don't know why anyone would post anything serious on here. I don't think I've OPd before, but yesterday I did, just commenting on something I found irritating. And then I realised what it was like to be on the end of a wave of unpleasantness from the first post on. It was really sobering, despite being nothing like what the Disney mum had to deal with.

I'm amazed that so many people are prepared to come back to their thread. If I'd posted about something seriously stressful and got that kind of response, I don't think I could face it. It would certainly knock me down even further.

It's a real shame. I should probably look into one of those blocking sites.

It’s scary isn’t it. These people walk among us.

Mumsnet won’t be going anywhere though, it’s prime meat for AI to scoop up all our info and target advertising back to us

How Mumsnet's new CEO turned 25 years of women's voices into AI gold

What I can't stand is people derailing threads with their own argument, totally detracting from what the original post was about.

Seems to be happening more and more often.

I don't even mind the vitriol but the comprehension skills of many posters are lacking.

More older posters? I’m older. I’m rather nice even if I do say so myself!

It's an interesting post, I think the average age is quite a bit older than the media image of the average user, particularly on AIBU.

I agree totally. So many nasty, vitriolic comments here. Like you I have been here a long time but it does leave me feeling sad so I am also going to leave.

I agree, OP. I must have joined at around the same time as you, and it's gone downhill so much in the last few years. So many people being unpleasant just because they can. Yet I can't stop browsing, or posting occasionally.

This is a really interesting post.

I too am a little (only a little, mind you) reassured by this thread.

I've been here for about 10 years. It was as others have described. Much cleverer (I remember being impressed by the level of discourse and knowledge displayed), robust but generally polite and more of a sense of humour and camaraderie.

In the last few years in particular the pure unpleasantness, racism and ableism has really been noticeable. It has actually been affecting my mood so am taking breaks.

The level of intelligence in discussion across the board also seems to have dropped but that may be more due to a much more diverse demographic. This isn't necessarily a bad thing on its own but combined with the amount of disinformation now spouted and an inibility to accurately analyse information it makes for a terrifying combination.

Also, love the suggestion that older posters still have their 'politeness muscle memory'! I tend to agree!

I'm including myself in the older! But I don't mean agressive, just having been through the 'march 2005 babies thread', the weaning, sleeping etc and more likely to adopt a seen it all before attitude.