The current state of MN and how do I stop reading?

[Westpoint]

I actually don't know where to start......

But WTF is happening recently? I mean I know AIBU isn't for the faint of heart but the pile on's have become ridiculous. For the experienced posters the ignore tactic works ok but the vitriol for no bloody reason whatsoever just kills the thread.

Yet I keep on reading?

I have a pretty full life but when I log on I do tend to come here and I'm often left with a really bad taste in my mouth.

Why are people just so combative these days?

I do realise the futility in posting this. Maybe I just need a massive boot up the arse (I'm sure I do).

What do people get from being so nasty?

It actually just makes me really sad. Yes, that's my problem I get it. It's just all so stupid, petty and a waste of everyone's time.

Anyway, that's my rant. Prepared to be unnecessarily flamed (well, I'm not actually, it will hurt my feelings but it's going to happen isn't it? I mean, I could post that puppies are cute and fluffy but some miserable cunt will come along along and tell me that their arse's stink, they shit all over their school run and because they are allergic NO-ONE should enjoy them).

This place really has become a victim of it's own success.

I think I might be out but it's hard to let go. I joined 15 years ago!

There were a few queen bees who their adoring followers thought were supremely witty with all their silly in house jokes but I never found them a bit funny.

I agree it doesn’t matter

Not seen sock puppet term used for ages why does it matter to go against the majorityI never really knew what it meant anyway

I totally agree and made a similar post under a different user name recently. On that post we brainstormed some solutions and one is definitely to use the report function - I now report anyone I think is posting “not in the spirit of mumsnet” (aka being a massive bitch for no reason) and am pleased at the rate in which these comments are taken down. I also frequently report obviously fake OPs - some are just so naff and boring and I am embarrassed collectively for us all when other posters take the bait and start replying.

Totally agree with PP, sometimes I stumble on a thread that’s so wonderful and warm and then realise it’s from 2011.

With regards to your question @Westpoint about how to stop - I really rate the freedom app. If you take not of the times you end up stuck on mumsnet (eg before bed) you can set up a schedule to block the website for a few hours each day at that time to help you break the habit. I recommend setting up a mild schedule at first, like just a few hours over your “danger zones” or two days a week when you can access the site - otherwise if it’s too draconian you’ll be too desperate to access mumsnet and delete the blocker app.

I was about to say the same - a lot of people are genuinely struggling and I think there’s a great deal of resentment and jealousy against anyone getting by ok or actually doing well ( I’m in the middle by the way) and the reverse is also true, a lot of resentment from those flogging their arses every day for the corporate dollar and paying high tax to posters saying things like ‘wind your neck in or what is it to you ‘when anyone mentions people or relatives they suspect ( or know)!totally taking the piss and fleecing the state - it’s a right old maelstrom!! I also think there are a lot of both paid and unpaid trolls , particularly political whose sole purpose is planting seeds of discord smobgst the mumsnet demographic and starting such threads - you can almost see them working shifts if you are on here a lot !!

Definitely were different then.

Why would older posters make a difference?

I posted about an issue recently and got such an intense pile on that I actually started to enjoy it a bit. I think it helps that if you do post - make sure you hold a bit back - don’t reveal your “true self” or every detail. That way if the thread derails you can be amused in a detached way as you haven’t poured your heart and soul into it.

Also another enjoyable tactic is to completely ignore anyone mean and write really reasonable replies to helpful posters - it drives the crazies insane that they don’t get any attention from the OP and they start asking their questions in all caps.

I would like mumsnet to confirm that they shut down accounts that get repeated reports though! Would be reassuring to know we aren’t just pissing into the wind.

I agree. I joined in 2009 and it really is a different place. I think the world has become a lot angrier and polarised and that is reflected here. There is also a wider narrative that "freedom of speech" trumps (ha ha) common decency and empathy. I too assume that many posters are bots, I kind of hope I'm right, because if done posters are real humans who walk amongst that is thoroughly depressing.

What does MRA stand for please?

I think it’s partly because maybe less posts about toddlers and childcare and more posts about societal issues that maybe older women have around elderly parents, money, divorce, politics, husbands now at the 20 year let’s get another woman stage - etc ? Lots of mumsnetters that were on here in late 30s and early 40s are now late 50s and early 60s and maybe their focus has changed

@Bloodyscarymary I do the same. I started a thread and knew the usual negative replies would start. I totally blanked them and chatted with the ones who were interested in the topic.

What's a sock puppet?!

Completely agree. I have been on MN since 2007. There have always been threads saying MN is going downhill. But now, finally it really is quite obviously a very different site. It was great for at least 15 years. Very funny, honest, informative and supportive. First the humour disappeared and gradually the nastiness has taken over.

The two threads mentioned above which appeared in the last couple of days confirmed to me that this is no longer a normal, trustworthy space. I find it hard to believe that real people are that unpleasant in such large numbers. If MN want to continue they should do a comprehensive investigation into what on earth is going on.

A sock puppet is a poster who is posting under more than one name on the same thread. It was often done to create the appearance of agreement by other posters. It can't be done now. MN thankfully now requires you to post under the name you originally posted with.

Yes it was.

it was amazing. A fraction of the size & you pretty much knew everyone.

there were great debates.

you could really argue things out without being personal & no matter how heated a thread got & they did! You could still 'be friends' on another thread.

we posted a lot more 'real' stuff & photos without yellow faces.

we laughed a lot, supported each other & cried with posters who lost children, partners & other loved ones.

there was a LOT of straight talking. It wasn't all fluff & flowers. But it wasn't nasty. If you behaved like a twat you were told.

many more meet ups in person.

i wish it hadn't changed, i wish I'd appreciated it more, but you know what they say about wishes....

there are still little pockets of the old days around occasionally & I still think think that when the chips are really down, seriously down, for all its faults, there's still nowhere better & that's why I stay.🤷🏻‍♀️.

It’s not just MN, it’s everywhere. People seem intent on being nasty to each other with no valid reason.

Cut out MN, and you’ll find the same toxicity elsewhere anyway (unless you decide never to engage with any part of social media ever again in your life)

The problem is that MN’s greatest benefit is also its greatest drawback - i.e. anonymity. Being able to post a dilemma completely anonymously, knowing that not even people behind the scenes know who you are or how to contact you, is very appealing if you’re in a bad state of mind or generally difficult position. You’re protected in a sense - and so are the people replying to you, because they know they don’t have to sit across a table from you later if you don’t like their advice.

But for the OP to have anonymity, the respondents have to have it too. And for everyone who wants to give genuine advice, there will be someone (or maybe two or three more) who sees it as an opportunity to snipe at someone or kick them when they’re down, knowing they are also protected by anonymity. You can’t have one without the other.

People who make pointless digs at the OP know very well there will be no real reprisals. All MN moderation is reactive - unless a post is reported, it will stand; and if it is reported, MN by their own admission will make zero attempt to examine the context. And the trolls KNOW this. That’s why if an OP dares to defend herself, the trolls turn into little cry baby telltales, clicking away at the report button like demented woodpeckers. They know very well that MNHQ (ha!) won’t bother to spend 15 seconds checking to find out they were the ones making trouble all along. Some poisonous piece of dirt laid into me and several other posters on a thread a few months back for our “inappropriate” use of the laugh emoji. Apparently it wasn’t inappropriate for her to tell the OP she should just suck up her parents’ abusive behaviour.

It can’t be done as easily. It’s still possible if someone is determined enough. Which, sadly, I think some people are.

I haven’t noticed it being as much of an issue since they stopped in-thread name changes, though.

It's because they are pathetic individuals and this is the only place they would dare vent. They wouldn't have the bottle to say any of this to people's faces. I say bottle and not courage, because courage goes with people with integrity. These people have none. They are nasty underneath, and too cowardly to be nasty in real life.

I feel your pain, and i believe the same things. I take all on the chin and let these moments help me mature.

it's just an agony aunt forum with agony aunts from all walks of life who all have differing opinions, behaviours and access to a keyboard. It's really not much worse than it ever was, you're looking at it through rose tinted glasses.

If it doesn't suit you, find another forum. I know you don't want to hear that, but that's the only sensible answer I'm afraid.

I do think MN can be very sticky about using certain language that makes you feel like you are being told off like a naughty school kid .

Sentences that include words like Hubby, holibobs, baby daddy, Babe/sweetie, picky bits will immediately derail even the most traumatic thread topic.
Meanwhile over on tiktok, I a 54 year old woman can freely call other women of a similar age bestie, gurl, dude etc and nobody has a bitch fit gives a shit.
AHH , algorithms 💖.

Yes I read the first one of those. It was cruel. The woman asking for support was criticised and attacked by people straight away. Some people tried to defend her. They were in a minority.

I'd say about 60% of the AIBU threads are fake. What about the woman who claimed to be in an abusive relationship but did an apostrophe for every single plural? It takes hard work to do that on devices nowadays. Clearly goading everyone.

After years of taking the high road and ignoring the crazies I decided to argue back and hold my ground with one poster recently - ignoring her personal insults and just steadily arguing my point. We both got asked to leave for hijacking the thread. The shame! 😳I have wound my neck in and am now back to commenting on things like jam and knitting 😅