DH said I’m selfish for having a dessert with birthday meal

[Paulaloves]

Apologies if TMI but I suffer from IBS and have certain trigger foods. I largely avoid these but occasionally treat myself when it’s an occasion such as my birthday.

It was my 40th meal at the weekend with friends so I decided to have a dessert i’d usually avoid. In front of our friends, DH acted funny and asked if me having that’s a good idea. When I said yes I will it’s my birthday, he said I was being selfish and it’d be him who has to suffer the consequences later. Really embarrassing in front of company.

Do you think I was being unreasonable?

He doesn’t get to police what you eat.

What a jerk

Your poor husband. What a burden he has to bear 🙄

That’s just plain nasty of him. I say, give him a Dutch oven. It’s the least he deserves.

Oh that’s not nice in private and would be a major gross thing to say but when in company on your special birthday … I’m sorry he’s a jerk.

What consequences? if we're talking a stinky toilet, he's a dick. If you then can't move for days, opt out of all shared responsibilities, and expect him to wait on you hand and foot, I hav emore sympathy for him.

Well, what is the possible reaction when you eat the foods? Vomiting, diarrhoea? Having to lie in bed for two days to recuperate? Have to be off sick from work?

He has to 'suffer the consequences' of possibly smelling poo through the door of a closed bathroom for all of 30 seconds before air freshener/bleach kicks in?!

Presumably his shite smells like Chanel number 5.

Yes just a smell for a bit, nothing else.

I totally understand, but my DH knows that if I decide to go for a trigger food, he’ll be pressing his foot to the pedal if required to get me home asap and is just pleased I’ve had a nice meal!

Do you complain a lot and get out of housework or childcare because of symptoms? Otherwise it’s none of his business what you decide to do to your own body.

Depends on the level of impact. Gas and a stinky loo is rather mean of him. If you are debilitated by it then that's perhaps a different conversation.

Nasty bastard! Eat your desert with impunity OP.

No not at all

One of the mild things my ex used to do which was among the mildly abusive stuff (IMO) was refuse to acknowledge his IBS. He would eat whatever, and then continually pass wind. Noisy and "textured" if you know what I mean.

If you do that, it is a problem.

What the hell’s his beef? I don’t get why he wound want to embarrass you like that. I hope you confronted him afterwards.

I once bought my partner a mug that said 'my farts hospitalise small children', because it was a light-hearted joke, even though they could indeed. But as horrible as it is, open a window, it passes quite quickly.

I hope you enjoyed every single mouthful and every single fart at home. Consider it as a gift to yourself that keeps giving! (and no, he shouldn't tell you what to eat, ever).

What was the dessert? And, was it worth it?

I mean are you a whinge bag and moan about it for days to him then hes got a point

I take it dairy makes you fart?

That’s not a big deal.

If your family dont like the smell they can hang out elsewhere / sleep in another room / open a window and stop winging. You're The birthday girl. What you say goes.

(I’d make sure I farted a cracker in the car in the way home to annoy him, prick)….

Does he always ruin nice things for you?

l'd definitely question DH if having a dairy laden desert would be a good idea. I wouldn't have done the second half.
But then he'd have been stuck in the bathroom for a couple of hours, and in bed for the next couple of days....

I think if a woman was posting that her DH had deliberately eaten something that he knew would make their shared bedroom stink...

Maybe he should have been more discrete, but he's not wrong.

Who are the 12% of mumsnetters who voted YABU?! Explain yourselves!

I’d think you were pretty selfish and self-centred too. Just because he’s your DH doesn’t mean he finds tolerating the consequences easy or pleasant. Why would you want to inflict this on someone if you could avoid it?