DH said I’m selfish for having a dessert with birthday meal

[Paulaloves]

Apologies if TMI but I suffer from IBS and have certain trigger foods. I largely avoid these but occasionally treat myself when it’s an occasion such as my birthday.

It was my 40th meal at the weekend with friends so I decided to have a dessert i’d usually avoid. In front of our friends, DH acted funny and asked if me having that’s a good idea. When I said yes I will it’s my birthday, he said I was being selfish and it’d be him who has to suffer the consequences later. Really embarrassing in front of company.

Do you think I was being unreasonable?

Some posters really do show themselves on here.

All of the “what a fuckin prick I’d eat 2 desserts and fart on him all night me” lot make my face screw up.

A bit of stinky wind - no problem at all.
Stomach cramps of poo issues that leave you incapacitated, lounging on the sofa feeling crap, in bed or bed to the loo - selfish.

As you are in the stinky wind category, he is being a bit precious.

It depends but if your going to sit there farting all night stinking the room and bedroom out he has to sit in and smell all night then he has a valid point

I used to work with someone who would eat a trigger food due to a lack of willpower and then would phone in sick. Why would you purposely eat something that you can’t process properly?

🤦‍♀️

looking at the record rate of obesity, I am not sure we want to open that specific can of worms 😂

This sums it up really.

Newsflash: your shit stinks just like everyone else’s.

HTH.

I take it you’re in the habit of inflicting your unpleasant personal smells on other people?

Id eat it everyday for a month until he learnt some humility

Gosh...that's quite the image. Man speeding in order to get his wife home to the toilet. Doesn't sound great.

I'm really surprised how many people would be perfectly happy for their DH to knowingly eat something that would have them stinking out the marital bedroom.

Interesting how he's phrased this: it’d be him who has to suffer the consequences later. Does he think that you don't suffer the same minor inconvenience as the rest of the household from your IBS in addition to the more significant experience of, well, actually having IBS? Or does he think that he is the only one who is important?

I think yabu. I wouldn't want to live in an IBS stench either. I'm with your husband.

🙄

I will. I did. It’s stupid tbh if she knows it’s going to inflame her IBS symptoms. He’s right. He was trying to be sensible. I have an intolerance myself and know the consequences of eating that food that will cause a flare up. The husband is probably thinking why are you inflicting that on yourself for a few mouthfuls of something. There (I’m fairly sure) would have been an option for her for dessert that would have suited her dietary requirements so it’s not about ‘not having pudding’ it’s about choosing to eat something that will have side effects. Really. Is a specific pudding ‘really’ that worth it? So I’m on his side here I’m afraid.

You can roll your eyes at me not finding speeding funny. I stand by my comment.

This.

Saying something in front of others is just totally unacceptable and deliberately unkind. I would feel very upset if my partner spoke like this in front of my friends and family

He embarrassed you in front of your friends. That’s the issue here, rather than his willingness or lack thereof to tolerate your farts.

In which case I mostly actually agree with you. Most people can deal with their poo normally most of the time and yes, for the vast majority colleagues will know very little. My close colleagues certainly knew I had IBD because when I was flaring because my deputy had to cover for me if I went bailing out the room in the middle of a meeting / conf call.

Homelife is a bit different though. Unless infinite bathrooms, I'd imagine most people know something about their partner's toilet habits, even if it's essentially 'nothing to see here'.

I still maintain there are many weird Mumsnet threads about poo though!

I bet he said this because he was imagining you clutching your painful tummy instead of offering yourself up for a birthday gratitude shag. He was an absolute dick saying that. I guess this means you get to say what you think when he comes near you with beer breath or after eating garlic bread.

He’s nasty, you deserve better. He can open a window it’s not a big deal

“he said I was being selfish and it’d be him who has to suffer the consequences later. Really embarrassing in front of company”

I might have had some sympathy with your view if he hadn’t handled it this way and had had a quiet word, are you sure that’s wise type thing. But he called OP selfish and then humiliated her in front of their friends! Some birthday.

Imodium for the stomach, bleach for the toilet. Sorted. I know as I have mild IBS. I hope you enjoyed your dessert OP.

More likely he’s going to have to put up with sitting and sleeping in a fart filled room