DH said I’m selfish for having a dessert with birthday meal

[Paulaloves]

Apologies if TMI but I suffer from IBS and have certain trigger foods. I largely avoid these but occasionally treat myself when it’s an occasion such as my birthday.

It was my 40th meal at the weekend with friends so I decided to have a dessert i’d usually avoid. In front of our friends, DH acted funny and asked if me having that’s a good idea. When I said yes I will it’s my birthday, he said I was being selfish and it’d be him who has to suffer the consequences later. Really embarrassing in front of company.

Do you think I was being unreasonable?

Your DH is a nasty dick, you deserve a lot better

Is he always so nasty?

You're an adult who can make her own choices. I'm sorry you had to deal with such a selfish husband op. He didn't even need to ask if it was a good idea; you were clearly happy with it for your birthday treat. He needs to apologise!

But he’s dealing with a selfish OP…

What was the dessert, out of interest?

BTW, yes, he is a dick

You can’t deal with a fart or a shit that smells every so often. Jesus Christ are you this pappy with everything else too?

Jfc what an unkind thing for him to do.

Shit smells, he needs to get over it.

I'd rather smell shit tbf 😂

Utterly unacceptable to say in front of others. Designed to embarrass you and make himself the victim.

What a crude remark as well as a selfish attitude. He sounds horrible.

My husband is the same as you. He always “risks” it on his birthday. (He wouldn’t through say risk it on a day we had going out plans the next) but it’s his choice, we have a laugh about the risk, and just chuckle through him running to the toilet for the next 12 hours! It’s his birthday!

I would have another dessert op, and eat it slowly infront of him on the sofa, with your feet up. Tell him seeing as how he ruined the last one you're having to have it again!

Expecting some courtesy or manners or consideration from others is ‘pappy’? What an unpleasant attitude.

What an absolute arse, I’d be fuming - so humiliating and on your birthday too

IBS isn’t just having smelly farts. That’s just having smelly farts.

He was wrong to say that in front of others but he’s got a point tbf.

He was completely unreasonable to make an issue out of it in such a public way but there’s some kind of backstory as to his reaction. He won’t be reacting like that cos you do a couple of farts

My partner ignores his IBS when we go for dinner. We live in a tiny house and the stench of the aftermath takes over the whole house and it doesn’t dissipate with an open window in a few minutes. He spends up to an hour at a time taking a shit and there will be 4-6 of those between dinner and bed and then multiple times the following day. The smell is unbearable and incessant. It’s not a case of the rest of the house having somewhere else to escape and with only one loo the rest of us have to go out to. Supermarket for a pee, which isn’t great with primary aged childen at night.

So while on the face of it yanbu, having lived through this scenario multiple times there is an element of selfishness on your part. That said it was a big birthday and they only happen once every ten years so if that’s the only time you do this then he’s being a dick. If it’s something of a regular occurrence that you’re underplaying here, then you are.

It’s a mild attitude compared to policing someone’s body …which a kind of imposed dominance

Will you be farting in the communal areas of the house and making it smell unpleasant? Because if so, I am with him. It is selfish.

He's policing the air around his nostrils not her body 🤷🏼‍♀️

Surely consequences beyond smelly farts are the OP's to deal with? If she's willing to accept that for an occasional treat, it's a dick move to spoil that for her.

VIpoo is your friend.

If the only consequence is noxious smells and unless you’re stinking out the house for hours, I’d say he’s unreasonable.

But it’s not just her dealing with it. Would you want to sit /sleep/ live in the stench of diarrhoea for 12 or more hours?